3.31.2009

Do I Dazzle You? Pfft... That's A Silly Question.

The other day I received an email from my friend Stacy in Virginia. It seems Stacy and my other friend Beth have been feeling rather sorry for me that my husband is deployed and I am all alone-with no man to watch over me.


The email was rather cryptic-but I knew that they had decided to send me a little gift... something I am sure they found on-line while drunk and ignoring their own husbands.

Well... Saturday I received their package.


I did not even realize that I had a package on my front porch until late in the afternoon. I grabbed a knife and started cutting the tape to this rather large, flat package.


As I pulled the cardboard box apart I saw a pair of shoes staring back at me.


My heart started to flutter and I yelled... no... I screamed for my oldest daughter to come quickly. She ran to me as if I was on fire-that is how urgent my voice sounded, which made me think that the next time I needed her to take her laundry downstairs or needed her to wash the dishes, I just need to scream as if I have fallen and broken a hip and I need her help.


Anyway... I start to open the package and Hope sees the shoes as well and starts to scream. She screamed so loud that I think people in Canada may have heard her. If you are from Canada and reading this blog today-please let me know if you heard Hope and her primal-guttural screams on Saturday.


This is what Stacy and Beth-my wonderful, beer chugging, husband complaining, Twilight freak-loving, cougar friends sent me...


That's right... come to mama. Do you see how he is leaning into me?




Hope has invited all of her friends over to take a picture with Edward Cullen. She has even made the statement that from now on, any picture we take, Edward has to be in it as well. I can't wait to see her prom pictures in 5 years!

So, it has become perfectly clear to me that I have the best friends in the world!

Now, you must know that Edward has cooked dinner with me, watched television with me, folded laundry with me... and I can neither confirm nor deny if he has watched me shower. Ahem.


The first night I had him in the corner of my bedroom and The Ward called me on my web cam and saw a man-a vampire no less-standing in the corner of our bedroom. He calmed down after he found out it was a cardboard cut-out, but he still told my life sized Edward that he had his eye on him and that he better not make any moves on his girl. Sigh-my husband is such a scrapper, I didn't have the heart to tell him that he would not be able to win a fight with a vampire.


When I turned the lights out to go to sleep, I freaked out a little that Edward was standing in the corner of my bedroom watching me sleep... so I moved him into the walk-in closet and apologized for my shyness.


The second night was much better and he has not moved from his post-watching over me. He will stay there until August when The Ward comes home and then I will move him into Hope's room-but promise to visit him every day.


Stacy told me that Beth's concern was whether or not he would fit in my bed.


I was shocked at her insinuation...


Of course he would fit in my bed, come hell or high water, he would fit in my bed. He is a little stiff... but hey... I ain't complaining.
giggle.

40 comments:

The Whitsitt Family said...

That is so cool! I would have screamed too. Where in the world did they find him?

Amy

powdergirl said...

Canada responding, yep, we heard Hope, but most thought it was the timber wolves making come-back, so no worries !

Sarah (JOT) said...

I have a Legalos standee and my kids take him and put him places where they know I'll be surprised he's there and scare the shite out of me. Yeah, well, enjoy Edward!! Do what my kids did with Leggy and put Eddy in the shower and let one of the kids find him when they pull back the curtain. Oh, that was a nightmare for me!

Alicia said...

UGH! First Chad Kroeger sweats on you and now you have Edward Cullen in your bedroom!! I am SO jealous! You wouldn't plan on doing a bloggy giveaway with a dazzling vampire as the prize, now would you? Well.....would you?......Yeah, I didn't think so.

FLYNAVY said...

Haha, Miss Cleaver, we've had a coupla life sized flat Buzzy/Daddy that hang out in my house during deployments for the last coupla yrs. Have always assumed they just liked remembering what I looked like...now that I've read this I'm a little worried why some places seem to be a little worn on the "for the Mrs's" 1. My uniform 1for the kids has been to all the ballgames & b'day parties, he really gets around & think they've practiced their dart throwing on him a time or 2. Try not to get to attached to yours....cause you know....it's just a piece of cardboard...say it with me, it's just a piece of cardboard....
Buzzy

june cleaver said...

Alicia--tha is a good idea... I'll have to look into it. Granted-I am not about to give up my Edward, but we do have a life-size stand up of Jar Jar Binks from Star Wars if you are interested.

Powder-Ha! Glad you heard her... next time scream back will ya?

Buzzy-I never thought of getting a life-size of the hubby. Oh the possibilities that you always open my mind up to!

Amy said...

Whoa dogs and holy smokes! Why don't I have friends like you? Edward... sigh...

Kaley said...

I am jealous!!! You have the greatest friends, ever.

Sue B. said...

What awesome, awesome friends you have!!! This post had me in tears. Last night, I finished reading Twilight for the umpteenth time, and I have happily passed on the link to the Midnight Sun draft from Stephenie Meyer's website to many friends.

Sue B. said...

Just saw "And so the lion fell in the love with the six pack." I'll be laughing all day!!

Urban Mom said...

LMAO!!!

Oh my... that IS dazzling! I am imagining all of the wonderfully inappropriate pictures to be taken.

You have truly wonderful friends, June!

PS: Finally saw Twilight and wrote a review. Not my best work, but you get the idea. My love/hate relationship with this whole thing continues!

Kaitlyn said...

Oh my gosh, I almost choked on my coffee when I read this post.

Awesome!!!!!

Anonymous said...

We were at Old Time Pottery last Saturday and Uncle Don, "hey did you hear somebody scream?" I looked around and I said,"No I didn't, doesn't seem that anyone here screamed." I,ll have to let Uncle Don know he wasn't going crazy!
What a fun idea! You are blessed to have such great friends. Just hearing about your gift has taken my winter blues away.
Love,
Aunt Barbara

Anonymous said...

I meant I'll...
;)
Aunt Barbara

Christine said...

Cool Friends. Gotta love buds like that. As always...funny post!

TRO said...

Well, I will say one thing for him. He's got you barefoot and no doubt after this photo was taken in the kitchen making him a blood and tofu shake.

Layna said...

OMG! Too cute and what great buds who totally get you. Now he can be the travelling man - send pics of where he ends up next. After August, you could send him on the road - I'll sign up as the first stop and happy to send him to the next grateful lady ;-) ENJOY!!!

Andrea Z. said...

OMG! I was laughing my butt off reading this post! Awesome friends! I just saw Twilight for the first time the other day and let me tell you, Edward has crept into my thoughts numerous times. Oh my.

FLYNAVY said...

Miss Cleaver:
Got the link for life size flat daddies:
http://flatdaddies.com/
my uniformed 1 has gone everywhere with my kids....& some days I think they might like me better flat.
Not sure where the 1 sans skivies came from & asking where she got it made would start alot of questions, haha, pretty sure he has a good time when I'm gone.
Buzzy

warren said...

I keep giving wifey cutouts of me but they always seem to turn up missing...she blames the recycling truck but I have my suspicions...

As for whether Edward was watching you in the shower...he was...you know he was!

rita said...

Oh. My. Goodness. I've got to have one of those for myself.

And just where is your right hand, missy?

Urban Mom said...

OH, and about those shoes. You know what they say about big feet....

(snicker snicker)

Melissa said...

You are looking good Mrs. Cleaver!

If Hope gets tired of Edward I promise to provide a good, loving home!

june cleaver said...

blood and tofu shake? Well... they do say that you can put tofu in just about anything.

Thanks Buzz-I am going to pass that along to other wives as well.

rita-don't you worry where my other hand is... giggle.

Owens Family Adventures said...

Girlfriends who send you lifesize pictures of sexy vampires are the absolute bestest!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can only hope and pray that when my time comes...and the Capt it deployed...that mah gurls out there will do the same. :)
Edward staring at you in the corner of your bedroom.....lucky dog!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
dawn

Stacy C. said...

Ahh June, so glad you are getting such great "use" out of Edward. It really does look like he's standing next to you in the black and white photo!

Please tell Cousin Steve that if his quest to be more like you isn't resolved we can send him Edward too! ;)

We miss you! Thanks for making me laugh!

Anonymous said...

June,
Can you bring him to Indiana when you come back??????.
Have to get that movie at Wally World tomorrow.
Love Ya,
Aunt Judi

Schmoochiepoo said...

So that was the reason for the screaming I heard all the way up here in the Great White North. :)

Enjoy Edward!

Counselormama said...

You do have the coolest friends! I want one too!

Waughhoo said...

LOVE it!!! Yes, that b/w photo does look real... what?! It is?!!! I'm on the next flight to Omaha!

June, I was looking for an e-mail link, but I'll just have to post my request here...

I've got the Irish blood runnin' through me veins, but that's just the 1/2 of it - the rest is Scottish and while I SO enjoyed the Irish swoon a while back, I'm longing for a Scottish Swoon.... whadaya think? Have you already done one? I'm a newbie so forgive me if you have.. I know I've seen some of these fellas on the Swoon before, but oh to see them again all in one place - MERCY!

Gerard Butler... Ewan McGregor... James McAvoy... Dougray Scott... to name just a few... oh and Sean Connery of course! ;-)

Just a thought... a really lovely thought!

The Management said...

Waughhoo... I will file this request away. I belive there is one request ahead of yours-so look for this very tempting swoon-worthy idea in the next couple of weeks.

Thank you for your time and patience, we realize whole-heartily how hard it is to wait for a yummy swoon.

Cheers,
june's assistant, beaver.

Waughhoo said...

Thank so much, Beaver! I do enjoy ALL the Swoons... what a brilliant way to do Mondays!

momto5minnies said...

A little stiff isn't all bad ;)

You are a funny lady and I'm not surprised that you have some wonderful friends out there.

This reminds me that I need to get you some makeup. You can share it with Edward ... he looks like he wears more than you.

Maria Grace said...

Why is Edward so hot, yet so fictional?!
I think I'm going to invest in a cardboard man too. When all my friends go out with their 'live' bf's and husbands I will bring my cardboard man!

Anonymous said...

What a hoot! Let's all raise one up for the cardboard man! Cheers!
AB

Janeabelle said...

This post cracked me up. Especially the shower part. And I really needed the laugh. I know you'll enjoy your house guest!

Terry Nelson said...

LOL!

wankette said...

A [former] friend of mine stopped me from stealing the Edward from in front of the fye store...no one would've noticed!!!
And, p.s. June, I'm on my way. Just to make sure he's broke in proper, as we say in my country.

southernjoy said...

maybe you need a pocket Edward...

http://laurensbite.blogspot.com/2009/02/pocket-edward-goes-to-disneyland.html

june cleaver said...

holy crap southernjoy... I suddenly feel so NORMAL!

I need to show my husband that blog.

He will feel so much better about my obsession.