3.05.2009

Things Like This Just Piss Me Off...


Group Of NJ Insurance Workers Wins Mega Millions.


That's right... some insurance workers in Jersey won MILLIONS. Sigh. Nine people won a $216 Million Dollar jackpot.


Why does God love some people more than others? Hmmm.


If I won millions... well, I wouldn't write this mother loving blog anymore that is for sure! Oh, who am I kidding-of course I would still write it. I am a glutton for punishment.


Actually, I would like to think that I would not go crazy with the money and still live pretty much the way we live now-only with nicer clothes, a bigger house, new cars with pimped out rims and I would get that tummy tuck and boob job I have been dreaming about since I gave birth to my first child.


See-you would hardly see the difference.


If I won all that money-I could probably PAY a publisher to publish my book and not have to worry about this whole "literary agent" thing. I could probably even pay someone to write it as well! Ahhh, how much easier life would be.


If I won all that money-I would have a personal chef, a personal trainer and a nanny seeing as I would want to spend most of my time laying by the pool and sipping fruity drinks that make me feel like I am spinning around in circles when I am actually sitting still (kind of like the gas the dentist used to give me as a child-that was great stuff). Oh-and before you start to think that money would make me enjoy working out... the personal trainer would be for my husband because he is one of those weird people who doesn't feel like his day is complete until he is sweaty and panting... come to think of it, I am the same-only different. Ahem.


eh, maybe I wouldn't have a nanny-my kids like to swim. We would just hang out at the pool together... and the fruity drinks would make me forget that they were mine and I would yell things like "Hey Lady! Can you pay a little attention to your kids?" or "Someone call the manager of this establishment-kids are running everywhere!"


I would go back to homeschooling my kids-or rather I would pay someone to school my kids at home. That way I would feel less guilty about laying by the pool all day.


My eyebrows would always be waxed and I would have my armpit hair lasered off.


My feet would never again be dried or cracked-they would feel as soft and smooth as the day I was born. That alone is worth the purchase of a lottery ticket.


I would pay for my mother to go to rehab for that nasty wine addiction she has-or I would at least buy her wine that does not cost $19 a box.


But most importantly... if I won the lottery, I would NEVER go on television and tell the world that it was me. No, I would have some obscure lawyer anonymously claim the prize a month or so after they have determined that there was a winner. That way all of my high school friends who I never talk to anymore will not be calling me and asking for money... the same goes for my mother in law.


So if you hear of a lottery winner that has not claimed the prize yet and I start to tell you things on this blog like "we had caviar with our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches yesterday" -you may start to wonder if it was me that won.


But you'll never know, because I fully intend on changing my name and living happily ever after.


So... what would YOU do with all that money-and don't tell me "I would donate it all to the poor" because you are a big liar.






28 comments:

Cheryl said...

I bought 2 tickets for that lottery. I was bummed that I didn't win. I would have paid off every darn thing I owed and then paid off my daughter's tuition and booked a helluva good vacation.

Jud said...

Sadly, I think that one of the conditions of winning the lottery is that they have the right to use your name and likeness in adverts and such.

Heck, I like to think I would get a nice boat, learn to sail, and sail the world, stopping and taking long trips inland, etc.

And I would buy that 1972 F150 pickup that has been calling out my name.....

Jess said...

This is hilarious. I especially like the line about pimped out rims. Would those be on a mini-van? That might raise some suspicions, so be careful.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm...one can only dream! I would pay off all of our bills (house, college loans, airplane, ect.) Then I would furnish our house...not by me...I'd hire and interior designer! And of course take care of my parents and sisters. We'd all be living the life! Ahhh...what a dream!
Love you
Claire

rita said...

I don't know where your mom shops; MY wine is only $13 a box at Costco.

My life wouldn't change any if I won a big lottery. Except that I'd quit working forever and not worry about not having money or piddly little things like jobs. We'd buy a big house in south Florida and pay someone big money to take care of it; I'd send my grandkids to private schools and take all the vacations I wanted and eat good food (and pay someone to lose 30 pounds for me).

And then I'd buy World Peace.

The Wannabe Redhead said...

*sigh*

I'd move to someplace that is warm all year round, and own my own shop where I sell flip-flops and knick-nacks. I'd have to have a personal trainer because I'd want to wear a bikini all day, every day. I probably wouldn't make any money because I'd close up shop early to look at the eye candy on the beach. (but that's okay, because I'm rich, right!)

I'd put my not-yet retired parents in a great nursing home where they could play croquet and bridge:) (They'd LOVE to hear that)

Of course, I'd make sure that my sisters were taken care of...but there would be contracts and first-born children involved if they crossed me:)

Back to reality...now that I've snapped out of it...I'll get back to the lovely world of unpredictable (mostly FREEZING)Nebraska weather, filing tax returns for work, and deciding which bills are lucky enough to get paid next week.

I love my life. :)

Gretchen said...

Ahhh, the thought.

1)Pay off all our debt
2) Build a new house with every handicap accessible item we could possibly need for our son
3) Buy a ocean front house on Kiawah Island.
4)Set up trusts for my kids.
5) Give to church and other orgs.

Wouldn't that be great??

Sarah (JOT) said...

I would: pay off our small debt, pay off the mini-van, buy my hubs the truck of his dreams, buy my British-styled Mini Cooper, live in England (at least for a little while), travel Europe, and invest (college funds for the kids; retirement funds); I would be very careful to offer help to anyone - fill a need when I see it.

There's nothing wrong with struggling - I would not likely buy my siblings homes etc.. I would rather take them on great hols with us. OR send them on great hols.

I would be quite private about it and it wouldn't change my life that much. I would like to start a grant to pay for tuition for kids to go to Catholic schools. I would be directly involved in the selection of the needy students. Period. I don't trust the middle man.

Christine said...

Ditto...June! Vacations. I would travel and help my family and friends. I would love to have a ranch in Jackson Hole, WY. Horses and a lot of other animals running around.

Fun Post!

Cathy D said...

I would buy a beach home at our favorite secret beach and get out of the midwestern winter! I would add a formal dining room on to the back of our house and finish our basement. I would ge rid of my rusty mom-mobile minivan and get an un-rusty mom-mobile minivan.
I would offer the contractor at our parish extra money to hurry up and finish the gym. (What Catholic school doesn't have a gym?!) That way at least ONE of my kids might get some use out of it.
But mostly I'd need the lottery winnings because we're moving the kids into Catholic high schools from public. Ouch!

Tracy, mom2many said...

Oooooooo...I'd pay off the house, and get out of the van lease. Then I'd buy this great house out on some acerage that has room for us, granny and her nurse, and a place for visitors. Maybe a small place down on a river in the Hill Country (central Texas for you foreigners). I'd get us a pimped out passenger van and some four wheelers.

I'd also pay for all my girlfriends to meet someplace fun and have a time.

And a grand piano for my husband.

Anonymous said...

I would buy three houses. One in Illinois, one in Denver and one on HHI, SC. Fix up our present house as a get-away, then just hop from one house to another visiting our kids and the grandkids.
Retire and enjoy our good health while we still have it.
Love,
Aunt Barbara
Oh, and hire someone to type June's blog. She would only have to pace up and down and dictate.
;)And set my sisters and sister-in-law up so they would still talk to me! hahaha!

Urban Mom said...

I'm with you, June. I wouldn't tell a living soul. Especially the in-laws!!!

Well, I might send an anonymous e-mail from my private island. That might be fun.

Col said...

They just did this scenario on an episode of "Life" recently. The lottery winners belonged to a support group and the consensus was that winning all that money left the people friendless, suspicious, estranged from family, and paranoid.

Do you feel any better?

Kathleen said...

Love the lottery post! Just wanted you to know if you check your site meter, I parked for a long time today and just enjoyed your music. A first for me, I usually mute music on blogs. Good taste ;)!

Janeabelle said...

My parents were unable to continue living in the home that my dad and all of us kids grew up in. I know it breaks their hearts everyday knowing how much the place meant to everyone. If I won the lottery, I would find a way to buy it back and fix it up (we know the new owners have really let it go to hell).

Besides that, I would shop myself into a coma.

Musings of the Mrs. said...

I'm totally with you on the chef thing...and I would go to culinary school and then just buy luxurious ingredients and make fabulous meals on my chef's one day off per week. And I would never worry about money again...that's reason enough for a lottery ticket. Imagine all the extra time I would have!

Cousin Steve said...

I would donate it all to the poor.

Mairin :o) said...

off topic: I got my mascara today!! Thank you so much. I'll let you know how I like it.

I'm with you. I wouldn't mind being rich but I never want to be famous. We'd have to keep it secret for two more years or I'm sure my husband's ex-witch, I mean, ex-wife would try to suck it all up.

Catholic Audio said...

June: when you need that lawyer, I totally expect you to turn to yours truly first. Since you'll have won the lottery, though, I'm going to charge you my normal rate. Just FYI.

Diva Mom Vicki said...

Off topic, but I also received my mascara! The packaging was so cute and made me so very happy... for at least a few moments until my boyz drove me to drink once more...

If I won the lottery? I'd never shop at Super Wal-Mart again. That would be heaven!

Anonymous said...

Cousin Steve,
Re: "I would give it all to the poor"
Liar, liar, pants on fire!
I know you would buy the biggest pimped out truck you could find!
hahaha
Love,
Aunt Barbara

Kasia said...

I would:

1) pay off Canuck's and my debts (mortgage, my credit card balances, his student loans);

2) buy a newer car;

3) replace our furnace and air conditioner;

4) do the same for my sister;

5) pay off my aunt's house (she just got laid off, is almost 60, and is a stroke survivor);

6) pay off my friend's house (they're on the verge of foreclosure);

7) start a private loan program to keep people in their houses;

8) pay off my parish's building debt;

9) drive to Omaha-he-ho and visit June and all the Cleavers!!! :-) Come to think of it, I'd take a few weeks off work and do a big blog-friend tour;

10) go back to school and get my teaching certificate.

I wouldn't quit my job for at least the first year; I think most people who have problems after they win the lottery have those problems because they quit their job, they stop trusting their friends, and basically all their grounding and support disappears. Of course they end up on drugs and broke!!!

Rob said...

I'd Still write my blog if I won the lottery - but I'd be writting it from Barbados

Martha said...

rotflol

I would buy a modest-sized home (well modest for a family of 11 anyways) out in the country with a caretaker to manage the pool and horses and lawn. This is where we'd come if we ever got tired of traveling the world or went broke doing it. Seriously, if it weren't for a lack of funds and an abundance of children (all loved and wanted to be sure!), my dh and I would be travel bums for sure. If we could afford it, we'd load the kids up and still be travel bums. We'd come home a week out of each month to get over jet lag and plan the next tour and we'd come home for family holidays and that's about it.

warren said...

YUp...if I ever hit the lottery no one will ever hear from me again...not telling anyone, just going someplace where they can build a very tall fence...I'll be right in the middle of it somewhere...drinking wine from a box!

TheFiveDays said...

Well, my little guy has autism, so I'd make sure he had everything he ever needed for therapy, security the rest of his life, etc. Actually, security for the rest of their lives would go for my whole family. It'd be nice to get our parents houses and brothers and sisters.

Then we'd probably have 10 more kids. LOL!!

Fun to dream!

Courageous Grace said...

Hmmm....if I won a large sum of money like that...

Half would go to the church, possibly earmarked for a specific need like building a new parish hall.

The other half would first be divided up for taxes, then the rest spent on paying off our credit cards, student loans, and mortgage. Then a new car for hubby (he wants a Mini). Then I would pay my mother and grandmother back for the help they have given me for our house and my tuition. Then I'd pay to have my mother and grandmother moved to a retirement community near us so we could visit more often and they'd have the medical resources they so desperately need.

Anything left over would be divided up for George's college fund, home improvement projects (like a landscaped backyard) and savings.

I know, I'm so boringly practical.