3.25.2009

Catching Up With The Cleaver Kids...




Today was report card day... I officially have two children who have always thought that they were smarter than me who now have the documentation to prove it, and one five year old whose teacher complains that she is still not making perfect letters and numbers and for the love of all things holy she colors out of the lines!

The baby has decided to carry the bathroom stool with her everywhere she goes. She can now reach the knife drawer, the powder laundry soap, my beer bottle on the counter and the dog's Valium. Joy.

The television downstairs-which is the television that kept my children occupied from 7 pm to 8:30 pm every night-just blew up. Well, it didn't really blow up... it was more of a poof and then a smell of burnt plastic wafting in the air. Now I will never get any peace around here. Fabulous.

There is a smell of dead animal in my kitchen that I cannot find. I have cleaned, scrubbed, bleached and sanitized everything in sight. I have smelled every cabinet, drain, nook and cranny in the place... I finally figured out it was the dog's food. I had started adding warm water to her hard food to soften it up because she is getting up there in dog years and I wanted to be nice. Well... not anymore because her food started to smell like the soggy behind of a goat.

The five year old decided to see what chap stick would look like on a wall. It looks like chap stick smeared on a wall that is what.

The baby has learned to say "Help Me! Help Me! Help Me!" over and over again-for every instance imaginable-everywhere we go. Child protective services should be here by morning.

I saw the five year old looking very guilty earlier and asked her what she was doing. She looked at me and said "Nothing illegal." Where does she come up with this stuff?

My son has this fascination with pens. He collects them and trades them at school with other weird 11 year old boys. I don't ask questions-I just pay for the therapy bills. Anyway-he left a red pen in his pocket and it went through the wash and the dryer... marking up all the clothes that were in the load and turning the inside of the dryer a tie-dyed pink. His response when he saw my head exploding while I was holding the guilty pen? "My favorite pen! What did you do to it mom!?" Military school is looking more and more appealing.

I just found 9 glasses, 3 plates, 5 forks and 6 spoons in my oldest daughter's room. She is obviously running a restaurant out of her bedroom... how else would you explain those things in there?

Why do children need a snack 5 minutes after dinner... and what does it really mean when the five year old says "But I am starving and I am going to DIE!" is she really going to die or is it me that is not going to survive her childhood? I just don't know.








15 comments:

Counselormama said...

As usual, you made me laugh! Come visit my blog sometime!

Beth (A Mom's Life) said...

Sounds like things are right on track at the Cleaver household!

Hang in there...they'll all be in college soon enough...

Rob said...

when you say "The baby has decided to carry the bathroom stool"

I'm praying that you are talking about a stool that the kids stand on to reach the sink and the head and not...um...the other kinda stool that one might associate with the bathrooom

That Girl said...

you crack me up!
Hope the visit with CPS goes well today. Maybe they will take the kids for a bit so that you get a little vacation? It could work.

wankette said...

Oh honey.
Go over to Threedonia. I left you a pretty boy-picture this morning.

Anonymous said...

Are you sure you're not in my house? My 13 YO just sent a red pen through the wash and turned everything pink.

Valium for the dog.....I need to get some of that.

Rufus T. Firefly said...

One of our sons went through a period of pen bartering with his shoolmates when he was 11. Odd.

june cleaver said...

Rob-you know... I thought of that when I typed it-but I figured I would let the reader decide which way they wanted it to go.

Wanks-thanks for the daily dose... you are a true blue.

june cleaver said...

Rufus... really? What is the deal with that? And why do they need to carry them all in their pockets? And why do they need to line them up when they are doing their homework?

Odd is right.

Anonymous said...

ummm...Emma can't bring anything to our house for spring break! :)
Love you
Claire

Rose said...

I usually just lurk but since your blog made me laugh aloud three times today I just had to say thanks for the laugh.

Paula said...

OMG I laughed out loud. how very well I remember those days

Cathy said...

When my older son was younger there were always (playground) wood chips in his pants pockets. Why was he trying to bring the playground home piece by piece?

Here it isn't pens but pop-a-point pencils or mechanical pencils...

Catholic Audio said...

Twi-hard June,

Did you see?

God Bless,
Ryan

june cleaver said...

Ryan... I don't believe it for one second!

And besides, there is nothing wrong with a dirty man.

Nothing at all.

*wink*