All I know for certain is that whatever master mind in Hollywood said "Hey! Let's make a movie and put a sweaty Christian Bale in it and a sweaty Sam Worthington in it for the ladies." He (or she) is a genius! A FREAKIN' GENIUS!
I mean, just look at him... Christian Bale could be in a movie about killer zombies with prosthetic legs and a desire to make all human beings purple and I would go see it. Yes, I would.
Now if you will excuse me... I have to go see if John Connor's pregnant wife ever has that baby and if so, does that mean there will be more Terminator movies to make me confused and turned on all at the same time.
God I love Summer Blockbusters that make no sense!
Brian and I agree... The Steelers can keep him. Just ask me how I feel about Michael Jordan after he said he would never play for another team but Chicago, and then he came out of retirement and played for someone else-I don't even remember who because the moment he crossed that line I forgot all about him. I am wired that way-burn me and I will toss you away... you will be dead to me. Dead.
Enjoy your Friday!
I am afraid to see what he may be doing over there at that blog of his, but if it does entail a donkey, jumper cables and motor oil... well I am going to sell tickets.
That is all I have to say about that.
As for my break-I am still on it. Maybe. Possibly. Ask me again tomorrow to see if I feel like coming out of my alcohol induced coma and decide to grab the bull by the horns and start living again.
If you really want to know that truth... I had plastic surgery*. Yes. I did*. I had all of the extra skin cut off of my stomach-the skin that has been stretched out because of the four little human beings that suck the life out of me on a daily basis-that skin. I had it cut off and I donated it to a woman who needed a stomach skin transplant. Word is that she is doing well. She should be out of the hospital in no time and will make an appearance on The Today Show some time this summer. I have asked to remain anonymous so please, when you see this amazing "stomach skin transplant" woman, do not yell "HEY! YOU HAVE JUNE CLEAVER'S STOMACH SKIN!" She will have no idea what you are talking about and you may end up in jail like I did that one time I was at Outback Steakhouse and the manager looked just like Ryan Seacrest and I felt compelled to convince him of this amazing theory of mine after 6 beers and 3 Jager bombs... and a onion blossom. Damn those onion blossoms-they get me in trouble all the time. Anyway-I went to jail because someone who I am not allowed to come within 50 feet of (the Ryan Seacrest look-alike manager) did not like the way I was "in his face" (his words, not mine.)
I also had my boobs done. I am now an A cup. I just could not go on living with my barely C's so I thought that since I was getting my stomach skin cut off, they may as well go all the way and get rid of my boobs. I donated them to science because let's face it... I had some fabulous boobs-until just recently when they became pancakes from nursing the same 4 human beings that stretched the hell out of my stomach.
While I was recovering from my plastic surgeries, I was able to think long and hard (loooong and haaaard) about the Monday Swoon. I have done so many lately and it is sometimes a challenge to find hot men. I mean, it gets a little tedious searching the Internet for shirtless hunks and Swoonworthy pics. It is a hard (haaaaaaaaard) job let me tell you... but for you, my dear Six-Packers, I will make the sacrifice. No need to thank me.
Anyway, while recovering my son convinced me to go see the movie Star Trek with him. Now, my first thought was "No." and then my second thought was "Hell no." but then I gave in and said "Fine, but I am not sharing my popcorn with you, you Sci-Fi weirdo." to which my son replied, "You never share your popcorn anyway you selfish woman." and then I hugged him because he is just so damn cute.
So we went, and let me tell you ladies... this is a FABULOUS movie! I had never seen one episode of the old Star Trek on TV-and seeing this movie does not make me want to go back and watch all 56 million episodes of it either, but I will say this-the movie was honestly and truly really freakin' good.
And it has hot men in it.
Good enough for me.
So, for today, I thought I would make us a little nerdy-a little geeky-a little sci-fi weird and bring you the men of the NEW and IMPROVED Star Trek.
Now... will someone please wake me when they decide to remake Bonanza? I have some GREAT ideas for the casting director!
Uhm.... can anyone pic out what is wrong with this picture? Why in the world is his belt off-center? I can't stand it! I need to straighten it out... or, why don't we just take it off? Yes, I think that is the better option.
Oh Chris Pine, you are a sultry one aren't you? Yes you are.... Sultry.
Nothing left to say but "Beam me up Scotty." Oh yes... beam me the hell up!
Okay, I have to admit that the Spock ears freaked me out a bit---and what was up with Spock's eyebrows? It was almost too much for me to handle during the movie-knowing that Zachary Quinto is so unbelievably swoonworthy and they had to sci-fi him all up and make him into a alien from some other planet that I can't even remember what the name of it is (because I don't care)... but, as you can see, the man is H.O.T. that is right... he is so hot that I have to put the air conditioner on in the Six-Pack. Phew!
Could you imagine the marks that scruff would leave on your body? Swoon.
Are you kidding me? Look at him when he laughs! Talk about a smile that travels all the way up to his eyes. Lord have mercy. Live long and prosper is right.
Okay, Eric Bana is the hottest bad guy in the history of bad guys. The anger alone makes me want to run away from him just so's he'd hunt me down and capture me.
I mean, look at him.... yummy.
Yes, yes, yes... you are swoonworthy Mr. Bana, but I still like you bald, angry and with ink all over your face. Capture me and make me your slave-PLEASE!
Karl Urban plays the Doctor in the movie-and let me tell you ladies, he can doctor me any day... all day. Cheers to THAT!
Oh my gosh-how do men look like this? I mean, do they go to a "how to stand and make women drool over you" school or something? If there is a school like that-Karl would have been valedictorian for sure. Yep.
Oh don't look at me like that... okay fine, look at me like that all you want. It makes me feel all squishy inside and I like it, oh yes, I like it a lot!
*You can relax mother... I did not have plastic surgery, I am not in rehab and I am not in jail-but if you could send $500 that would be GREAT!
Anyway, somewhere along the way I started throwing random pics of my first love Matthew McConaughey on the Six-pack. It became a running joke amongst the mens around here and Cousin Steve even perfected his Matthew McConaughey impersonation for me. People would send me news articles about him and pictures when they came across them.
I loved it.
I became convinced that Matthew was reading this blog because there was a time that if you googled his name, you would come up with my blog so if he is as self centered as I hope and pray that he is... well then he would have read me and developed a secret crush on me. Hey-this is my blog, I can believe whatever I want to believe.
Well, eventually I started to let my eyes wander. Yes, I swoon-cheated on Matthew. I started to post pics of other men. It all started with my Christmas gift to you all when I posted all of your swoons of choice.
So when Matthew and I have to go to trial for custody over this blog, I will site the Six-Packers as the reason why I strayed. Why I started looking at other swoons and couldn't keep my fingers off the clicker to find random pics of "men with their shirts off" or "hot men who make me freakin' scream in ecstasy" on google. God I love google.
But, this weekend I was reminded of my first swoon. I was given the opportunity to walk down lovers swoon lane again and say "Ya know... I think I may just really really like you again."
I went to see the movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. It is shit-don't go see it, unless of course you are going for all the right reasons and those reasons all have to do with a certain Matthew McConaughey that made me sigh out loud and giggle like a school girl in my seat.
Oh yes ladies, the man is back. The reason for the swoon has returned. The one that made it all begin. The one who taught me that it is Okay to swoon over men who are so hot that they make me blush when I slap them on the ass.
Today I give you all Matthew...all day. If you don't like it, tough shit. This is the one that started the swoon so show some respect. (hehe... I sounded so tough there didn't I?) That last sentence was for Soliliquy who is having a BIRTHDAY! Happy Birthday Chicka-have some beefcake.
Enjoy-and Matthew if you are reading this... you are welcome. Don't worry about those other fellas like Robert Pattinson, Gerard Butler, or even Christian Bale (who I once said had replaced you in my heart of swoons) they mean nothing to me baby... NOTHING! Well, nothing until next Monday-but enjoy your day big guy. You lucky bastard.
Is is just me or does anyone else feel the urge to just bite that butt? I mean, just sink your teeth right in? Phew... I am so hungry right now.
Hi baby... tell me about your day.
And you wonder why I made him my first swoon. It was worth it-not one single regret. Nope. He was fantastic!
And... AND... he does yoga. We are soul swoon mates I tell you.
Here, let me help you peel yourself out of those wet clingy clothes. Can I be your assistant? Can I be the hose holder?
Oh... and one last thing:
It is a vice of mine.
So I try my darndest to find the best Swoon pics out there... but EVERY MOTHER LOVING MONDAY there is someone who is not happy.
"That swoon was wonderful June... but could you maybe read my mind next time and put so-and-so on there?"
"WTF June! Where in God's great earth is so-and-so? I can't believe you forgot them!"
The nerve of me.
Yesterday I was in a bad mood-I mean, it was one of those bad moods that make children, small animals and men run in the other direction when they see me coming.
It was so bad, that I was "shuush'd" by my yoga instructor on more than one occasion because I was mumbling to myself about "life" and "crap" and "who does he think he is?" and "who needs clean underpants anyway." type of things.
I had a really bad muscle ache in my upper back as well that made me even more pissed off. The nerve of my body to declare war on my mind by starting my menstrual cycle AND having a pulled muscle that made is hard for me to breathe.
Sure that pulled muscle may or may not have come from a fall that I may or may not have had this past weekend at a bar where I may or may not have had Southern Comfort shots with Coke chasers (4 or 5 of em) but that is irrelevant.
Anyway, I come home to be greeted by my little cyber blogging friend Soliloquy telling me that I have LOST MY EDGE because I missed out on Wentworth Miller.... and then Warren said he would become GAY for Wentworth Miller! Holy Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell Batman!
And "Southern MN Gal" since you were so sweet to thank me for the bald Edward Norton-and you did mention that it was your BIRTHDAY... no one gets by the Six-Pack on their birthday without a little present from me.