I Will %#&^ You Up... and other June Cleaver sayings

I am a great big dummy...


Because, last night I went to the Nickelback concert (I just wanted to mention that one more time) and my friends and I headed to 'The Matt" or, "The Mattress Factory" which is a bar in downtown Omaha directly across from the QWest Center where the concert was. We were smart in the fact that we parked at The Matt and hung out for a little bit before the doors would be open at the QWest Center.

(Lisa, Me, and Pam)

We had a few drinks, laughed, took some pictures, and went to the bathroom all before we had to get our little tushes over to the concert.

When we were leaving The Matt, we decided to drop our purses in the car so that we didn't have to lug them with us. I stood at the car holding my camera and said to my friends, "Should I take my camera?" We all decided that I should not because we did not know how close we were going to be because we had ground floor tickets-which meant no seats, just standing-and did I really want to have to hold the camera in one hand all night and have a beer in the other and not be able to throw up rock signs? No-so I tossed my camera into the car and headed off to the concert.

Well... we waltzed right into the place like we owned it (because that is generally how I walk into bars, pubs, and Nickelback concerts) and literally sauntered up to the front of the stage. At this point we were about 20 feet from the front and we were thrilled. Then, greediness started to take over and we wanted to be closer to the stage because 20 feet was too far away-even though another set of friends of ours were in the nosebleed section at the top which is basically in Iowa.

So we start making friends with people. "Hi, my name is June what's yours? Hi Mike how ya doin'? Do you see those punks behind us? Yeah-they have a plan to push forward when Saving Abel starts and are going to move us out of the way unless we form an alliance."

We formed an "alliance" with about 20 people the first 5 minutes of being there. This worked brilliantly to our advantage because once the music started... WE moved forward and left the alliance in the dust. They didn't know what hit them, but they didn't really mind because they thought we were their friends. Pffft.

At one point a youngster pushed past me and she motioned for her friends to join her. I looked at her and said, "Oh no... they aren't coming up here. You are going to be watching the concert by yourself because they aren't getting past." She shrugged her shoulders and said "Fine B****" which was fine with me that she called me that because I figured it was good that she knew that about me upfront and her friends were not getting past-no chance-no way. Eventually she turned back and beat feet to her little friends behind us, but not before saying some other descriptive words to me which I responded with a few of my own that would have made my father proud and my mother ashamed, and we were about to throw down (haha... me, a 37 year old woman was about to "throw down" with a 22 year old pip squeak) but I had some of the alliance behind me-which consisted of about 5 guys who were built like brick walls-so she was pushed back and the last I saw, she was pulling out her binoculars.

When the music started we pushed forward some more. The first band-Saving Abel-the crowd was still pretty calm so I knew it was the perfect opportunity to move up. The second band-Seether-is a much heavier rock and so people were starting to jump and bob their heads, which I saw as another perfect opportunity to push forward. By the time Nickelback came out... we only had two people smooshed in front of us and I could have reached out and touched Chad Kroeger... okay, maybe NOT Chad Kroeger... but I could have definitely touched the body guard between me and Chad Kroeger.

BUT... my camera was in the car and there I was in the front of the mother loving concert for the band in which I have devoted all of my fan worship to since 1995! I am so stupid.

So I took 50 pictures on my crappy cell phone... which I don't even know how to text someone so how the hell am I going to figure out how to email these pictures to me so so that I can print them off and plaster my bedrooom walls with them?


Have no fear-I will be figuring it out if it takes me the rest of my life and one day-some day-I will post real live pictures of Nickelback standing 4 feet in front of me. I get light headed just thinking about it all.

During the concert, they would toss their guitar picks and drum stick to the crowd. At one point I had one of Chad Kroeger's guitar picks (the one that he put in his mouth and then sang "Too Bad" with) in my hands until the chick next to me knocked it out and onto the ground-to which I dropped to my knees to find it and she then STEPPED ON IT! So she and I had an altercation on the floor as we struggled to find the pick... yes, I am aware that I am a grown woman and I was on my knees looking for a guitar pick that was in a rock star's mouth... but don't judge me-because you would be doing the same damn thing. I was once again called all kinds of names and then the real Irish in me started to rear it's ugly head I looked at the other middle aged woman who was grasping and groping the ground desperately looking for the pick and said "I will #%#$ you up."

I did. I said that.

I am not proud.

I could not help it-I was at a Nickelback concert, 4 feet in front of Chad Kroeger and it was St. Paddy's day. I am lucky I am not in jail.

When I said this she backed off in her stay-at-home-and-bake-cookies mom fashion-which is the exact same thing I would have normally done if it had not been St. Paddy's day, and if I were not Irish and if I were not 4 feet away from Chad Kroeger... and if I weren't my father's daughter.

But I never found the guitar pic and I will never forgive that woman for as long as I live. So help me God.

The rest of the concert we just screamed our heads off, jumped up and down and rocked! Yes... we ROCKED! And... AND... Chad Kroeger looked right in my eyes TWICE! Honest-I would not lie about such things. His brother Mike Kroeger looked at me more than twice but I was not interested in him... Okay, I was... but what could I do? So I waved my wedding band at him a few times to let him know that I was not available and he needed to get on with his life without the hopes and dreams of being with me (that last line is for my husband because he reads this here blog and I want him to know that although I was climbing over people to get closer to Nickelback-I was just kidding with them the entire time... and when I threw my cell phone number on the stage at Chad Kroeger's feet-that doesn't mean anything. Really.)

They encored until after midnight and I felt alive and young again the entire time.

This morning I woke up unable to walk, unable to stand up straight, with no voice and a ringing in my ears... oh, and my poo is green from all of the green beer they were serving at the concert.

But it is all worth it and I can't wait until NEXT YEAR when they come back!!!


Alicia said...

June, I am beginning to think that you enjoy rubbing it in our faces that you went to this concert and had a short-distance affair with Mr. Kroeger and the rest of us poor, deprived weaklings did not.

That's okay. I'd do the same thing. :)

That Girl said...

sooooooooooo jealous!

warren said...

next time...no green beer please...

but still, you are one tough momma! fighting another, obviously troubled woman, for a guitar pick...you rock!

rita said...

I'm proud of you! So, yeah, I asked my favorite singer (who has incredible curly hair) if I could run my fingers through his hair and let my sister take a photo of it. And, I sort of, the next time we saw him, asked him to run his fingers through MY hair and let my sister take our picture.

Talk about proud. I'm 56 and my mom is SO (not) proud of me.

Hair Bows & Guitar Picks said...

Awesome :)

Anonymous said...

You lucky freakin' sh--!!!!!!! I am so jealous! When my DH deployed I listened to Nickleback ALL the time...there is just something about the music that work with deployments. I would get in my daughters sports car and have the sunroof open and blaring the music just cruising down the road-that was my escape.....love it! Now that DH is home I am a "good girl" and "don't do such things";)

God, I wish I was your sister or your best friend....but since I can't have either, I will live vicarously through your blog.

Thanks for sharing.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

And always remember June....

Except that one where you're naked in Church.

Counselormama said...

Ok, I totally would love to go to a concert with you, you are so cool and hilarious!

Kristina said...

You f%&@ing rock! I am so jealous. Too bad about the pick, though. May she have a hang over for a week.