Do I Dazzle You? Pfft... That's A Silly Question.

The other day I received an email from my friend Stacy in Virginia. It seems Stacy and my other friend Beth have been feeling rather sorry for me that my husband is deployed and I am all alone-with no man to watch over me.

The email was rather cryptic-but I knew that they had decided to send me a little gift... something I am sure they found on-line while drunk and ignoring their own husbands.

Well... Saturday I received their package.

I did not even realize that I had a package on my front porch until late in the afternoon. I grabbed a knife and started cutting the tape to this rather large, flat package.

As I pulled the cardboard box apart I saw a pair of shoes staring back at me.

My heart started to flutter and I yelled... no... I screamed for my oldest daughter to come quickly. She ran to me as if I was on fire-that is how urgent my voice sounded, which made me think that the next time I needed her to take her laundry downstairs or needed her to wash the dishes, I just need to scream as if I have fallen and broken a hip and I need her help.

Anyway... I start to open the package and Hope sees the shoes as well and starts to scream. She screamed so loud that I think people in Canada may have heard her. If you are from Canada and reading this blog today-please let me know if you heard Hope and her primal-guttural screams on Saturday.

This is what Stacy and Beth-my wonderful, beer chugging, husband complaining, Twilight freak-loving, cougar friends sent me...

That's right... come to mama. Do you see how he is leaning into me?

Hope has invited all of her friends over to take a picture with Edward Cullen. She has even made the statement that from now on, any picture we take, Edward has to be in it as well. I can't wait to see her prom pictures in 5 years!

So, it has become perfectly clear to me that I have the best friends in the world!

Now, you must know that Edward has cooked dinner with me, watched television with me, folded laundry with me... and I can neither confirm nor deny if he has watched me shower. Ahem.

The first night I had him in the corner of my bedroom and The Ward called me on my web cam and saw a man-a vampire no less-standing in the corner of our bedroom. He calmed down after he found out it was a cardboard cut-out, but he still told my life sized Edward that he had his eye on him and that he better not make any moves on his girl. Sigh-my husband is such a scrapper, I didn't have the heart to tell him that he would not be able to win a fight with a vampire.

When I turned the lights out to go to sleep, I freaked out a little that Edward was standing in the corner of my bedroom watching me sleep... so I moved him into the walk-in closet and apologized for my shyness.

The second night was much better and he has not moved from his post-watching over me. He will stay there until August when The Ward comes home and then I will move him into Hope's room-but promise to visit him every day.

Stacy told me that Beth's concern was whether or not he would fit in my bed.

I was shocked at her insinuation...

Of course he would fit in my bed, come hell or high water, he would fit in my bed. He is a little stiff... but hey... I ain't complaining.

giggle.

Humor is the Shortcut to a Monday Swoon...

Apparently Martin Merrill thinks that the sure-fire way for a man to hook a woman is to make her laugh.

Hmmm... I would have to agree. Laughter is a big turn on, and if you have a man that can make you laugh... well you know what it is like to smile from the inside out.

So... because it is Monday and Mondays are of the utmost importance at the Six-Pack, I have decided to give you a few men that will make you laugh your little butts off-and in return make you want to run away with them and laugh for the rest of your life. Enjoy the smiles ladies!

You know I had to start this off with Jim Carrey. C'mon-you know you can't help but swoon over him...

“My report card always said, 'Jim finishes first and then disrupts the other students'.”

Mercy...

I have had Craig Ferguson this here blog before. He makes me giggle and laugh my cookies off. If you have never seen the Late Late Show-well you are missing out. Set your alarm if you have to and at least watch his monologue-his accent alone will keep you coming back every night.

"I don't like the whole blowing the candles out ritual... blowing their germs all over the cake. If I want to catch something on my birthday. I don't want it to be from the cake. If you know what I’m saying... "

Oh, I know what you're sayin' Craig.

Sure, Ben Stiller is the size of an average 10 year old boy... but have you seen the guns on this guy? The guns and the laughs-that is what is is all about ladies... oh, and his eyes.

Frank and Beans... need I say more?

Ahhh, Peter Cook... sure he didn't make it as far as Dudley Moore, but I think he was a hoot. If you don't believe me-go rent Bedazzled (no, not the one with Elizabeth Hurley) and see for yourself.

And if you still don't know who the hell Peter Cook is, for goodness sake think of the movie The Princess Bride and try and recall the impressive clergyman--the one with a speech impediment. Yeah-that is him.

Conan O'Brien is the tallest leprechaun in the world-and he is the funniest as well! Of course he is funny... he is Irish.

Wanna laugh? Go here.

Kevin James is hands down one of the funniest guys around... so that makes him absolutely 100% swoon worthy. My little sister (who is bea-u-tiful) always said that if she met Kevin James she would marry him. Too bad for Kevin she is already married-to a pretty funny guy. Poor Kevin James... he doesn't know what he could have had.

Just look at him... he'd wear ya out just laughing at his jokes. What a way to get tired!

Oh Chevy-you are so funny and hot that they not only named a town after you, but also a bank! Wow! Now that is some serious swoon-abilities.

... and I don't know about you, but every time I see my husband pick up his golf clubs to head out to the course, I can't help but think to myself "nanananananana."

Ah, Adam Sandler. I liked him more when he was younger and singing songs like "Lunch Lady" and "Grow Old With You"

Do you see his t-shirt? That is his wife and daughter... yeah-swoon!

Plus... Happy Gilmore is probably one of the funniest movies of all time. Amen.

I saved the best for last... if you don't know who this bloke is-well... I feel sorry for you. Think Shaun of the Dead. Think Hot Fuzz. Think Spaced-although you probably don't know that one because it is a Bri-ish television show... but if you come across it, WATCH IT! Think Run Fat Boy Run (which is so damn funny that I about pee'd myself)

Ladies... I give you the biggest swoon for this Monday. I can't help but love him-the cheeky bugger... Simon Pegg!

He doesn't look like much, but I promise, you will be glad I introduced him to you.

And... AND... I was at a movie this past weekend and saw the preview for the new Star Trek movie and guess who is playing Scotty? That's right... Simon Swoon Pegg.

And for those ladies out there who are the funny ones in the marriage and may or may not have a husband that may or may not laugh at any of your HILARIOUS jokes and stunts... this one is for you:

Good God Above... look at that man's thighs! You know... on second thought-do you really care if he laughs at your jokes?

Yeah... me neither.

Happy Monday!

Spare the Rod... Spoil the Child

A 14 year old Trenton New Jersey girl has been arrested for posting nude pictures of herself on her myspace page. What are the charges? Child Pornography. What are the consequences? She may have to register as a sex-offender for the rest of her life. Who is to blame? Mom and Dad.

Wake up Mom and Dad! Are you serious? Your daughter just posted 30 nude pictures of herself so that her boyfriend could view them. What are you gonna do now... and whatever it is... are you too late?

Wanna know what my dad would have done? He would have beat my ass-that is what.

When I was a kid, I feared many things. One of those things was my father. I knew that if I even thought of doing something so obscenely wrong, my world would have been annihilated by the one man who was trying to get me through adolescents with as few scrapes and bruises possible.

Did I think he was unfair? Yes. Did I think he was uncool? Yes.

Did he give a rats ass if I thought he was a tyrant whose soul purpose in life was to ruin my social standing? Nope.

What is it with kids today? Sure, you could blame the Internet, television, movies, and music... but who allows them free access to these things? Mom and Dad.

How about setting some standards in your home-we all know what standards are right? They are RULES. We have rules in our house-and one of them is a wooden spoon.

My son knows the wooden spoon very well-heck, it even took up residence above his bedroom door for a few years.

I love when critics of "spanking" and "discipline" call this corporal punishment. There are all kinds of "studies" out there that show spanking to be the cause of alcoholism, anxiety, depression and drug abuse blah blah blah... Hmmm-I wonder where the studies are for the kids who weren't disciplined and were allowed to walk all over mom and dad and be "independent" and a "free spirit" during those precious childhood years. Oh wait... I think we may be able to look at that 14 year old girl at the top of this post and figure that one out.

As for my relationship with my father-it is great. He and I are extremely close and I am thankful that my mom and dad took on the job of parenting seriously. I can honestly say that I would not be here today if it were not for my parents and their strong discipline.

Did I think it was unfair that I was only allowed to go out one night of the weekend? Yes.

Did I think it was unfair when my father would pick up the other end of the phone after only 10 minutes of talking to a friend and say "Time to get off the phone... now"? Yes.

Did I think it was unfair that I couldn't date a boy until I was a sophomore in high school and on my first date my dad followed us the entire night in his car? Yes.

Did I eventually stop getting asked out on dates because I had a great big father who made teenage boys squirm by simply looking at them? Yes.

Now, I am not saying I was the perfect child-ha! Far from it... but the amount of trouble I did get into in no way compares to the amount of trouble I could have gotten into if I did not have parents who were willing to make me tow the line.

So stop being selfish parents! The first job you have is to get your kids through life in a loving and fair way. This is the job we have been handed... if you aren't going to do your job-then I don't want my kid hanging out with your kid and I will have no problem telling you why.

So Wake Up before you find your daughter's "real" myspace page (not the fake one she told you about and gave you the password to so that you can be fooled into thinking she is still best friends with her kindergarten buddy and still wears ribbons in her hair) or before you are taking your son to the doctor because he has a mysterious rash that won't go away.

They may hate you for it now... but one day they will thank you for standing up for their life.

Oh-and don't forget to PRAY!!!

"Sex on television can't hurt you... unless you fall off."

I am not a big television watcher. I am not sure why... I used to love to watch TV, but then I had a big strong husband to sit next to on the couch and make him crazy with all of my comments and questions about what we were watching. It is not fun to watch anything now-especially since my children have inherited my keen sense of humor and drive me up the wall with their comments and questions about what we are watching.

If I do watch anything, I do it late at night on my laptop at hulu.com, and actually... the mere fact that the television in the family room blew up yesterday and no one has even noticed it's departure proves the point that my children would rather follow me around the house making me want to stick my head in the oven than watch some boring old television program.

Besides, I find Christopher Walken's twitter page much more entertaining than most shows on television today.

But... I am devoted to a few programs. The first being The Office... how can anyone NOT be devoted to this? The second is Life-I love Charlie Crews and I love cop shows. I blame NYPD Blue for this... or maybe Hill Street Blues? Miami Vice? My mother would have to blame The Rockford Files.

I have a new show that I started watching just the other day. It has everything a wife of a deployed husband would want... firemen, firemen, and uhm... firemen. It is Rescue Me. I am on the first season still and working my way through each night after the kids are in bed. If you have not seen it-check it out... just know that there are firemen and sex involved. Have fun. Oh, and don't watch this little video if you are mad at your husband-actually, maybe you should... eh-maybe you shouldn't. I'll leave it up to you-but remember... it is Lent.





My last program that I am devoted to has been on hiatus for an eternity-so long so that I even cancelled Showtime and told you-my wonderful Six-Packers-to alert me when this show was coming back on so that I could call the cable company and get Showtime again.

Well... today I received an email from my true-blue friend Beth from Virginia. Long ago I insisted that Beth watch The Tudors... and she did-oh boy did she. Now she is just as devoted to this program as I am. She also loves Edward Cullen, Nickelback, beer, and her husband drives a hog. How could she NOT be my friend?

So any of you out there who have been waiting forEVER to see Season 3 of The Tudors, you will be happy to know that the season premier is Sunday April 5. If you have never watched this series... well, you have a little over a week to catch yourself up. Good luck.





Now... if anyone has Herman Woulks War and Remembrance (after Winds of War) not Winds of War, The Ward would be eternally grateful if you sent it out to him. I would really appreciate it if I could find him this to watch out there so that when he comes home I do not have to sit on the couch and watch it with him.


Believe me... I have watched enough of his favorite shows like The Waltons and The Andy Griffith Show to know that I don't think I want to watch this one that he is requesting.


Oh-I am sure it is wonderful and I would love it... but I can tell you right now that I would have too many questions-requesting back stories and the history or every last detail so much so that this miniseries would not be conducive to our marriage.


Trust me.


So if you can hook The Ward up-I'd appreciate it! Now if you'll excuse me... I have to go be Rescued.

Catching Up With The Cleaver Kids...

Today was report card day... I officially have two children who have always thought that they were smarter than me who now have the documentation to prove it, and one five year old whose teacher complains that she is still not making perfect letters and numbers and for the love of all things holy she colors out of the lines!

The baby has decided to carry the bathroom stool with her everywhere she goes. She can now reach the knife drawer, the powder laundry soap, my beer bottle on the counter and the dog's Valium. Joy.

The television downstairs-which is the television that kept my children occupied from 7 pm to 8:30 pm every night-just blew up. Well, it didn't really blow up... it was more of a poof and then a smell of burnt plastic wafting in the air. Now I will never get any peace around here. Fabulous.

There is a smell of dead animal in my kitchen that I cannot find. I have cleaned, scrubbed, bleached and sanitized everything in sight. I have smelled every cabinet, drain, nook and cranny in the place... I finally figured out it was the dog's food. I had started adding warm water to her hard food to soften it up because she is getting up there in dog years and I wanted to be nice. Well... not anymore because her food started to smell like the soggy behind of a goat.

The five year old decided to see what chap stick would look like on a wall. It looks like chap stick smeared on a wall that is what.

The baby has learned to say "Help Me! Help Me! Help Me!" over and over again-for every instance imaginable-everywhere we go. Child protective services should be here by morning.

I saw the five year old looking very guilty earlier and asked her what she was doing. She looked at me and said "Nothing illegal." Where does she come up with this stuff?

My son has this fascination with pens. He collects them and trades them at school with other weird 11 year old boys. I don't ask questions-I just pay for the therapy bills. Anyway-he left a red pen in his pocket and it went through the wash and the dryer... marking up all the clothes that were in the load and turning the inside of the dryer a tie-dyed pink. His response when he saw my head exploding while I was holding the guilty pen? "My favorite pen! What did you do to it mom!?" Military school is looking more and more appealing.

I just found 9 glasses, 3 plates, 5 forks and 6 spoons in my oldest daughter's room. She is obviously running a restaurant out of her bedroom... how else would you explain those things in there?

Why do children need a snack 5 minutes after dinner... and what does it really mean when the five year old says "But I am starving and I am going to DIE!" is she really going to die or is it me that is not going to survive her childhood? I just don't know.

And Yet... He Loves You More

On Sunday night I took the kids to a move, while there we saw the preview for Disney's new documentary on the earth. I sat and watched the preview in awe-not in awe of Disney, but in awe of God.

We go through life so selfish don't we? Thinking of our own daily schedules of who, what, where, when... but how often do we stop and look at the big picture? The picture that goes beyond our own small circle in all that God has given to us?





I am humbled by His love. If you do anything today, do this... stop. Stand still. Open your heart to what He has Created.

Give Thanks!

To Swoon Or Not To Swoon... That Is The Questions... Or Is It?

Okay-I was all set to hit this one out of the park-what with my week of Chad Kroeger sightings at the Nickelback concert (did I mention how close I was to him?), the release of Twilight-which put Robert Pattinson in my house and at my disposal 24/7, and... AND-I took the kiddos to see "Race To Witch Mountain" so I have The Rock on the brain as well...

Someone who shall remain anonymous asked me in some comment (the post directly below this one) how Mr. Cleaver... aka Ward... aka Carl... aka my husband, felt about my fantasies.

So how can I really post the Monday swoon with that hanging over my head?

Then I thought-pffft! My husband is more swoon-worthy than all of the mens I post on here put together. Even in a Chad Kroeger-Robert Pattinson sandwich with a side of Matthew McConaughey and a dessert of Gerard Butler.

Just to let the Six-Pack know... my husband is fine with my swoons. They are not fantasies (unless of course they want to come and vacuum my house for me and pick up the kiddos from school-then they would be amazing fantasies). They are just fun to look at-point and giggle at-and make up little stories about how much they want a regular old desperate housewife like myself whose hubby is gone, the kids are running me ragged and I am lucky if I get out of my yoga pants EVER and put on make up.

But...I also know Anon was not being judgemental... how do I know this? Because I read her blog all the damn time and if she was a judgemental person at all I would not have her on my sidebar, which is the cream of the crop around these parts. She was just being a pal-a true friend who could look at me and say "wtf Jimmy? What is up with all the mens?"

Besides...

Just last Monday Anon asked if I could post a pic of a swoon after each and every single one of my posts... at the bottom no less... she's so cheeky, and that is why I love her so.

I hope I may have helped you all understand that my husband has no problem with the Monday Swoon-he is the keeper of the keys to my heart and there is no chance of me looking for a locksmith.

But...

For those of you who can give a crap who I love and just want to see the swoons-(you know who you are)-here is one last one to make you Swoon as good as it gets on a Monday! (Yes... that is Robert Pattinson-do not ask me where I get the goods from... just be thankful.)

And Anon, this one is for you... because it makes me think of you and Spin:



(comic from yet another swoon-worthy guy)

Twilight...

Okay, so I lied. I am not standing outside some Borders or Blockbuster or Target store waiting for it to open so that I can run through the aisles knocking over 14 year old teeny boppers in order to get my copy of Twilight.

Nope.

I pre-ordered it weeks ago and plan on just picking it up some time after the sun comes up by waltzing into the Blockbuster down the street (you all know how I love to just waltz into places) and walking right up to the counter and saying "Yes, my name is June Cleaver and I believe you have my nocturnal boyfriend somewhere behind the counter waiting for me." and then they will hand me my copy of the movie and I will head home and lock myself in my bedroom with my love.

Sigh.

Ohhh... just you wait and see what I have in store for the swoon-worthy Monday post! See you then!

Six-Pack Attention Deficit Disorder...

Reason #423 why I am a bad mom...

I hate to go to the co-misery (grocery) so much so that I would rather have my fingernails pulled out and then fake nails glued right over my raw bleeding nail beds than go to the co-misery. I don't know why-it is much like my daunting fear of having to go to the post office. Anyway-I will wait until the very last possible moment to make this trip... I realized that day was yesterday when I sent my children to school with a sandwich of bread and butter, a handful of crackers that have been in the pantry since 1998 and olives.

*********************************************************

I read that Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer broke up again-this time for good. Phew... I was starting to worry.

The other day I heard a radio station talking about it and they seem to think something is wrong with Aniston that she can't hold on to a man. Did anyone ever think that maybe the men aren't good enough to hold on to her? I mean... what is THEIR problem that they aren't doing everything in their God-given abilities to make her happy? Why is it the woman's fault?

I mean, it is the same as scientists making a pill for men to give them an erection so they can have sex into their 90's but no one has figured out how to stop menstrual cramping and PMS. It must be the woman's fault that we still have these issues.

pffft.

***********************************************************

Do you Twitter? I don't. I am not good at one-liners. I know people who are good at the one-liner art form and who should be on Twitter... but then I would get nothing done during my day because I would be checking Twitter to see what witty twittery thing they had to say at 10:42 and then again at 11:12 and so on.

And where do these people get the time to Twitter all day? Seriously-I have seen some Twitters with a constant 24/7 dialog. It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. I bet they have laundry piled up and 3 inches of dust on their furniture. Disgusting.

But... if you do find time in your day to check out someone on Twitter, check her out.

***********************************************************

Twilight will be out on DVD tomorrow, March 21. I don't know about you... but I know where I will be at 12:01 tonight.

Oh Yeah.

************************************************************

Today is the first day of Spring! Do you know what this means? It means warmer weather is coming!

Do you know what else this means? It means I will be seeing more of these on the road.

I love Spring.

*************************************************************

Matthew McConaughey has a new movie coming out May 1. Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.

I have cleared my calendar and will be at the movie theater on the first day of May... alright, alright, alright.

*************************************************************

I have been reading The Little Sleep by Paul Tremblay.

If you are looking for a tongue-in-cheek sardonic look at life... go grab it today. You won't be sorry.

*************************************************************

One last thought... I love Julia Roberts. I do. But I love Clive Owen more.

Swoon.

Say It Ain't So...

After nearly 25 years of marriage, Jim and his wife were lying in bed one evening when she felt him begin to massage her in ways he hadn't in quite some time.

It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back. He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly worked his hand down, stopping just over her stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, working down her side, passing gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf. Then, he proceeded up her thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and became silent. As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked in a loving voice,

"Honey that was wonderful. Why did you stop?"

To which he responded...

"I found the remote."


*Thanks Lori for this laugh*

Here's to 24 years of marriage! Thank God we are only going on 16~

Proof!

YUMMY!

I Will %#&^ You Up... and other June Cleaver sayings

I am a great big dummy...

Why?

Because, last night I went to the Nickelback concert (I just wanted to mention that one more time) and my friends and I headed to 'The Matt" or, "The Mattress Factory" which is a bar in downtown Omaha directly across from the QWest Center where the concert was. We were smart in the fact that we parked at The Matt and hung out for a little bit before the doors would be open at the QWest Center.

(Lisa, Me, and Pam)

We had a few drinks, laughed, took some pictures, and went to the bathroom all before we had to get our little tushes over to the concert.

When we were leaving The Matt, we decided to drop our purses in the car so that we didn't have to lug them with us. I stood at the car holding my camera and said to my friends, "Should I take my camera?" We all decided that I should not because we did not know how close we were going to be because we had ground floor tickets-which meant no seats, just standing-and did I really want to have to hold the camera in one hand all night and have a beer in the other and not be able to throw up rock signs? No-so I tossed my camera into the car and headed off to the concert.

Well... we waltzed right into the place like we owned it (because that is generally how I walk into bars, pubs, and Nickelback concerts) and literally sauntered up to the front of the stage. At this point we were about 20 feet from the front and we were thrilled. Then, greediness started to take over and we wanted to be closer to the stage because 20 feet was too far away-even though another set of friends of ours were in the nosebleed section at the top which is basically in Iowa.

So we start making friends with people. "Hi, my name is June what's yours? Hi Mike how ya doin'? Do you see those punks behind us? Yeah-they have a plan to push forward when Saving Abel starts and are going to move us out of the way unless we form an alliance."

We formed an "alliance" with about 20 people the first 5 minutes of being there. This worked brilliantly to our advantage because once the music started... WE moved forward and left the alliance in the dust. They didn't know what hit them, but they didn't really mind because they thought we were their friends. Pffft.

At one point a youngster pushed past me and she motioned for her friends to join her. I looked at her and said, "Oh no... they aren't coming up here. You are going to be watching the concert by yourself because they aren't getting past." She shrugged her shoulders and said "Fine B****" which was fine with me that she called me that because I figured it was good that she knew that about me upfront and her friends were not getting past-no chance-no way. Eventually she turned back and beat feet to her little friends behind us, but not before saying some other descriptive words to me which I responded with a few of my own that would have made my father proud and my mother ashamed, and we were about to throw down (haha... me, a 37 year old woman was about to "throw down" with a 22 year old pip squeak) but I had some of the alliance behind me-which consisted of about 5 guys who were built like brick walls-so she was pushed back and the last I saw, she was pulling out her binoculars.

When the music started we pushed forward some more. The first band-Saving Abel-the crowd was still pretty calm so I knew it was the perfect opportunity to move up. The second band-Seether-is a much heavier rock and so people were starting to jump and bob their heads, which I saw as another perfect opportunity to push forward. By the time Nickelback came out... we only had two people smooshed in front of us and I could have reached out and touched Chad Kroeger... okay, maybe NOT Chad Kroeger... but I could have definitely touched the body guard between me and Chad Kroeger.

BUT... my camera was in the car and there I was in the front of the mother loving concert for the band in which I have devoted all of my fan worship to since 1995! I am so stupid.

So I took 50 pictures on my crappy cell phone... which I don't even know how to text someone so how the hell am I going to figure out how to email these pictures to me so so that I can print them off and plaster my bedrooom walls with them?

Sigh.

Have no fear-I will be figuring it out if it takes me the rest of my life and one day-some day-I will post real live pictures of Nickelback standing 4 feet in front of me. I get light headed just thinking about it all.

During the concert, they would toss their guitar picks and drum stick to the crowd. At one point I had one of Chad Kroeger's guitar picks (the one that he put in his mouth and then sang "Too Bad" with) in my hands until the chick next to me knocked it out and onto the ground-to which I dropped to my knees to find it and she then STEPPED ON IT! So she and I had an altercation on the floor as we struggled to find the pick... yes, I am aware that I am a grown woman and I was on my knees looking for a guitar pick that was in a rock star's mouth... but don't judge me-because you would be doing the same damn thing. I was once again called all kinds of names and then the real Irish in me started to rear it's ugly head I looked at the other middle aged woman who was grasping and groping the ground desperately looking for the pick and said "I will #%#$ you up."

I did. I said that.

I am not proud.

I could not help it-I was at a Nickelback concert, 4 feet in front of Chad Kroeger and it was St. Paddy's day. I am lucky I am not in jail.

When I said this she backed off in her stay-at-home-and-bake-cookies mom fashion-which is the exact same thing I would have normally done if it had not been St. Paddy's day, and if I were not Irish and if I were not 4 feet away from Chad Kroeger... and if I weren't my father's daughter.

But I never found the guitar pic and I will never forgive that woman for as long as I live. So help me God.

The rest of the concert we just screamed our heads off, jumped up and down and rocked! Yes... we ROCKED! And... AND... Chad Kroeger looked right in my eyes TWICE! Honest-I would not lie about such things. His brother Mike Kroeger looked at me more than twice but I was not interested in him... Okay, I was... but what could I do? So I waved my wedding band at him a few times to let him know that I was not available and he needed to get on with his life without the hopes and dreams of being with me (that last line is for my husband because he reads this here blog and I want him to know that although I was climbing over people to get closer to Nickelback-I was just kidding with them the entire time... and when I threw my cell phone number on the stage at Chad Kroeger's feet-that doesn't mean anything. Really.)

They encored until after midnight and I felt alive and young again the entire time.

This morning I woke up unable to walk, unable to stand up straight, with no voice and a ringing in my ears... oh, and my poo is green from all of the green beer they were serving at the concert.

But it is all worth it and I can't wait until NEXT YEAR when they come back!!!