Yesterday I had to go to WalMart, or as I like the refer to it as "The Gates of Hell!" I usually avoid WalMart like the plague but my husband told me that they had boy's baseball pants for only $3 and could I possibly risk my life and the safety of my children and go to WalMart in order to save a buck.
While there, my 4 year old decided to act like a lunatic. Seriously, the moment we walked through the doors and the senior citizen on a scooter welcomed us, my daughter became a living nightmare. It is like there are subliminal messages being played through the speakers I swear!
She asked for this, she asked for that and when I told her no you would think I had told her that she had to place a hot poker in her eye because the screaming and moaning that came out of her mouth was excruciating.
So there I was, dragging a kicking and screaming toddler through WalMart... something I am sure they are used to seeing. As I am holding her hand in mine-which was much like holding a monkeys hand in mine-I could feel hot anger welling up inside of me.
I knew that I had two choices. The first was to spank her right there in WalMart for all of the security cameras to capture and then wind up on MSNBC saying things like "You would have spanked her too Chris Hansen!" or "I spank therefore I am!" and the second was to give up on the $3 baseball pants and head home immediately with my dignity and child in tact.
I chose door number two and drove home with her writhing and thrashing in her car seat as if she were possessed by the WalMart demons and let me tell you, a 4 year old can really hurt a person's feelings. Things like "I. DON'T. LIKE. YOU." were spoken, and "I. WANT. MY. DADDY." was said. I didn't tell her this but I wanted her Daddy too so that he could see what I go through and so that he could have spanked her and saved me from having to be the mean parent once again.
She spent the remainder of the afternoon in her room. In bed. At times like these I always try and figure out why her head is spinning around and she is beyond the land of sugar and spice. I think that maybe she needs more sleep, more love, more ice cream, less sugar, more vegetables, another playmate, less playmates, more stimulation, less stimulation, more books read to her, more time on my lap, a million dollars... I don't know.
What I do know is that this is a stage and I am one tough cookie. I will outlast the screamfest tour of 2007 and eventually she will give up-right? I don't know what the big deal is and why life is so hard that she has to scream.
I have decided to blame my husband for all of this because she is obviously getting her flare for the dramatic from his side. My side is so much more even-keeled. Seriously...