7.24.2007

It's All About You Isn't It?

My mom said that to me once when I was gabbing about how much I do for everyone... she said, "It is all about you isn't it?" Huh? Crazymothersayswhat? It infuriated me! I have not had anything for myself since the day I said "I do" and signed my life away to the man who I thought wanted an independent and free spirited woman by his side. Little did I know that this was all a farce and he really just wanted someone to make babies, sandwiches and foreplay.... not necessarily in that order.

I am tired. Not "sick and tired of your bullshit" kind of tired, but exhausted tired. The kind of tired where the upper middle of my back aches from holding a baby all day. The kind of tired where I don't even bother putting make up on because I just don't care. The kind of tired where I wear sweat shorts and tank tops with a shelf bra in them knowing quite well that they do not offer me the support that I need but I am too tired to really give a crap if my boobs hang low and wobble to and fro.

Each night when I go to bed my husband is there waiting for me. Each night I go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet exhausted from my 16 hour day. I brush my teeth, splash some hot water on my face in a weak effort to wash it and I don't even look in the mirror because I don't want to depress myself. I climb into bed with only one thing on my mind... sleep. My husband has other plans though. He wants attention. He wants love. He wants a sex kitten.

I just want to sleep. I don't want to give anyone else attention. I do not even want to be touched because I have been touched by someone all day long. I share my body with little people and the thought of having to share it with one more person makes me want to run screaming from my bedroom.

Even now, it is almost 10 pm and I have just gotten everyone to sleep. I just want some alone time so I sit here at this computer typing away because I know that there is a horny man right above me in my bed who is looking for a little sumpin' sumpin'.

You would think that God would have thought this out a little better. Maybe after a woman has a baby or has toddlers in the house, he would have made the man incapable of sex but completely capable of doing the dishes and laundry. I mean, he put Adam into a deep deep sleep and took his rib for goodness sake, you would think he could do the same to Carl upstairs... only it is not his rib that I am complaining about!

8 comments:

AuburnGalAlways said...

Amen! Preach it Sistah!

And by the way, it is all about you and me and the other dawg-tired moms out there. At least here it is. And that's ok!

Grab an oar. We're in the same boat!

Mary Poppins NOT said...

I always thought that polygamy made sense during the baby/toddler phase of life. Let the man take turns with the wives, and let the newly delivered mom have some peace.

Seriously, those were some really difficult years here, but over time we did come to more understanding about what "Love" really means, and sometimes it means for my dh to put his "needs" aside for my sake, and sometime is means I stretch myself past the point I thought possible to meed his needs. But it really has to go both ways, or it is not love, but using, and a marriage can not hold up under that strain. I distinctly remember telling my husband I would feel much more loved if he would just let me go to sleep, than if he "loved" me. That didn't sink in immediately, but after some time, he did get it. Now, we have seven children, and I think he got it after the sixth child. Hmm....

Dana said...

I'm with Mary Poppins on the polygamy thing. I remember those days very clearly and don't want to go back to them.

Biddy said...

one word: benadryl. he'll sleep like a baby (but without all the waking up crying drama) and so will you...

you need a massage...better yet, a part time nanny...

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

I know exactly what you mean! It's hard to put out the sumpin sumpin when you've been touched and given ALL DAY. It's sad that the best part of my day is when the kids are in bed, my husband is out for his nightly run and I have the computer to myself. It's only for 10 minutes, but it's the best part of the day!

Jenn said...

Oh sweet relief - there is someone on earth who understands exactly how I feel!!!
Word for word, I nodded my head, I did. I also have one of those hubby's who after I've spent that 16 hrs looking after 3 little boys, and put them to bed and flopped on the couch to watch my TV show and *veg* has to sit right beside me and has the nerve to reach out his foot and TOUCH mine. ARRRRRGGGGGH.
Just leave. me. alone. for 5 minutes - please. Want to show me you love me - fold that mountain of laundry in the laundry room, but please, don't expect me to be all cuddly and horny after wiping noses, and fetching chocolate milk all day. I want to do nothing, and that includes keeping your wretched hot feet offa mine. Dude. /vent - thanks I feel better.

Kasia said...

Sounds like you need a good, solid night's sleep and then an honest talk with hubby. I have to echo what Mary Poppins said about reciprocity. My only real advice is to make sure you talk about it calmly and lovingly (which I know is especially difficult when you're sooo tired); having it escalate into an argument will only give you one more problem to deal with.

kristi said...

AMEN. My husband stays in the constant state of readiness. Honestly, I welcome my period sometimes!