My mom said that to me once when I was gabbing about how much I do for everyone... she said, "It is all about you isn't it?" Huh? Crazymothersayswhat? It infuriated me! I have not had anything for myself since the day I said "I do" and signed my life away to the man who I thought wanted an independent and free spirited woman by his side. Little did I know that this was all a farce and he really just wanted someone to make babies, sandwiches and foreplay.... not necessarily in that order.
I am tired. Not "sick and tired of your bullshit" kind of tired, but exhausted tired. The kind of tired where the upper middle of my back aches from holding a baby all day. The kind of tired where I don't even bother putting make up on because I just don't care. The kind of tired where I wear sweat shorts and tank tops with a shelf bra in them knowing quite well that they do not offer me the support that I need but I am too tired to really give a crap if my boobs hang low and wobble to and fro.
Each night when I go to bed my husband is there waiting for me. Each night I go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet exhausted from my 16 hour day. I brush my teeth, splash some hot water on my face in a weak effort to wash it and I don't even look in the mirror because I don't want to depress myself. I climb into bed with only one thing on my mind... sleep. My husband has other plans though. He wants attention. He wants love. He wants a sex kitten.
I just want to sleep. I don't want to give anyone else attention. I do not even want to be touched because I have been touched by someone all day long. I share my body with little people and the thought of having to share it with one more person makes me want to run screaming from my bedroom.
Even now, it is almost 10 pm and I have just gotten everyone to sleep. I just want some alone time so I sit here at this computer typing away because I know that there is a horny man right above me in my bed who is looking for a little sumpin' sumpin'.
You would think that God would have thought this out a little better. Maybe after a woman has a baby or has toddlers in the house, he would have made the man incapable of sex but completely capable of doing the dishes and laundry. I mean, he put Adam into a deep deep sleep and took his rib for goodness sake, you would think he could do the same to Carl upstairs... only it is not his rib that I am complaining about!