7.06.2007

Anyone Up For A Little Woo-Hoo?

I sit here... bored off of my noggin. Hubs is at the pool with the three who can walk, and the nonwalker is up in her crib snoozing (thank God because she was starting to make me rethink the whole "babies are so wonderful" notion I had playing in my mind).

I tossed some Lumpia in the oven and skipped gleefully over to my computer to see if I had any emails-all business stuff, nothing exciting. I decided to blog seeing as I have not been able to blog for a few days now (because of that "babies are so wonderful" thing.)

I stare at my computer... I have nothing to say. Do you want to hear about spit up? I have loads on spit up. Do you want to hear about laundry? I have been doing it lately-but I have no "dirty laundry" to dish about simply because my neighbor is in Florida on vaca and the block is at an entertainment standstill. Do you want to hear about sex? Well sure you do! But I have no info on that either... much to my husband's chagrin, especially since I have started wearing Lilly Padz nursing pads that are not only practical in the sense that they are the most protective nursing pads around, but they literally stick to your boobies like a tassel would a stripper sliding down a porn pole. It gets my husband hot and bothered to see these on me-I feel a little naughty wearing them, but they are purely for nursing not breeding.


I decided to skim some other blogs to see what people were talking about. I about fell off of my chair laughing when I read Moosh's blog titled I didn't moan or anything. Go on over and read it-I will take my Lumpia out of the oven while you are gone...

So Moosh orgasm'd on a treadmill. That is just about the best thing I have heard all week! At the YMCA no less. This made me think that I had to tell you what happened to me just last week...
A few years back... Oh, who am I kidding, it was years and years ago when I was an avid worker outer I too went to the YMCA. They have this machine, well it isn't really a machine, it is more like a metal god, that is used for ab cruntches. You stand upright on it and let your legs fall while you hold yourself up on your elbows. Slowly you bring your legs up to your waist or chest (which ever is easiest) and you lower them. This is a FABULOUS ab work out... it is also the frazzled mother of toddlers fastest way to an orgasm.

I, like Moosh, had to wonder if anyone knew this was happening to me whilst on this love machine. Could they tell by the look of utopia on my face? Did the fact that I rolled over and fell asleep on the floor next to the metal god give my dirty little secret away? I don't know...
I was happy with my 5 second work out orgasm until a friend of mine... we'll call her "Partay Pooper" told me that I was sinning. That just took all of the wind out of my ab machine sails.

ANYWAY, last week when I went to the Lady of America work out center for my free trial week, I noticed that they had the exact same love machine that had been my "stress relief" so many years ago. I walked around it a few times... flirting. I winked at it and introduced myself as "Bambi" before I climbed on and started to do the ab pump. Nothing... nothing happened at all. Not even a twitch.

I climbed off and gave the machine the middle finger. What a let down. Is it too much to ask for a 5 second Woo-Hoo? I would have just taken the Woo.

9 comments:

Biddy said...

how is having an orgasm while working out a sin??? sheesh! partay pooper is right!!

Cris said...

Oh sweet Biddy... orgasm is not a sin (generous God) it is the return to the ab machine in hopes of an orgasm whilst drooling over the hot body builder in the free weight section that is a sin. haha!

Toni said...

I want to be a sinner! You and Moosh should get paid for promoting these machines!

Urped on Mommy said...

Oh dear me how I love you!!! After several years stuck in the La-La land of Happy Housewives and Martha Stewart I am soooooooo grateful to find a mommy who defines herself in terms of her faith AND admits that her kids drive her nuts, that she NEEDS a drink every now and again (or every day), who turns to the warm embrace of an ab machine when things are rough...
Please accept my deep and sincere thanks for boldly blogging the IMPERFECT truth. I love you!!!

moosh in indy. said...

GIRL! It's come close to happening again every single time I go, elliptical, core class, ab cruncher I have to stop, this is ridiculous-I FEEL LIKE A GYM WHORE! A dirty dirty gym WHORE.

Kasia said...

Holy shamoley!

That does it...I cannot start working out, as it will surely lead me down this primrose path to workout masturbation...

diana said...

I am so lazy that even if you PROMISED that would happen if I worked out on that machine, I still wouldn't want to work out...

Ab cruncher? core class? that just sounds sadist!!!

bellevelma said...

A click here and a click there led me to your blog.

First, you made me laugh. Second, you make Lumpia.

So I'll be back for more. Unless, uh, you serve Balut.

Mom of 3 said...

Lilypadz rock! SOOOO much better than those disposable nursing pads. My hubby like them too...guys can be strange!