7.22.2007

Things I've Learned While On Vacation At The Beach...

Fish are part of a very healthy diet… fish that are battered and deep fried are not so healthy-but oh so good.

I am perfectly content being a beach bum and watching other crazy people jog along the beach. I eat the fried fish and don’t feel an ounce of guilt out here.

Jimmy Buffet is one smart dude.

Ocean Air has the same effect on little babies as a 6 pack of beer has on a grown man. It makes them sleep longer and harder.

Eating 3 lbs. of shrimp that you bought from a man on a bike is not conducive to the septic system at the beach house.

Give a 9 year old boy a fish net and a piece of intracoastal waters and you will offer him hours of entertainment.

Sea Shells are a little 4 year old girl’s greatest treasure.

Keep the boys who carry boogie boards and wear their swim trunks half way down their butts away from your 12 year old daughter.

You may need a little Dramamine before bed when you sleep in a house on stilts on windy nights.

Sand is a natural exfoliate for bare feet walking along the shore… it is not so nice to exfoliate your butt crack.

Take a man deep sea fishing and he will come back as happy as a little boy.

Fish in the deep ocean love vomit from the side of a boat.

Just because there is an outdoor shower at the beach house does not mean you can shower nude in it. The neighbors will call the police on your nekid ass.

Do not go in the ocean if you are on your period… there was a woman attacked by a shark just ¼ of a mile from our piece of beach. I bet she was menstruating. A shark can smell a drop of blood 10 miles away-I don’t like those odds.

Every man who owns a boat automatically puts the title “Captain” in front of his name. We met Captain Jeff, Captain Jim, Captain Jack… but my favorite Captain was Captain Morgan.

You should not drive any vessel if you hang out with Captain Morgan too much

Having sex on the beach is much better as a cocktail than it is in the literal term. There are some places on a body where sand should never go!

11 comments:

Biddy said...

this is why biddy sticks to the pool...no sharks, no sand in da crack...

but i must admit, i'm very very jealous...

oh, and captain morgan is my babydaddy hehe

knicksgrl0917 said...
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knicksgrl0917 said...
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knicksgrl0917 said...
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Special K ~Toni said...

I can't wait for my beach vacation in 6 days- can't wait to bitch about the sand!

moosh in indy. said...

I knew the scene in "From here to Eternity" looked too good to be true.

Dana said...

Oh, I am so jealous. Sounds like you had a great time. Nothing like having the neighbors call the police!

Anonymous said...

Johnny long legs made the trip home in one piece! Woo-Hoo!

Both Mike and Morgan were too embarrassed to carry him through the airport terminals...what a bunch of weenies!

Bad news...First flight out of Wilmington got delayed, missed connection.
Good news...Got changed to 1st class.

Love ya---
Lori
P.S. Isn't that photo of Carl marvelous!

Shauna said...

I love the last one! Isn't that the truth?

Momto5Minnies said...

There is never a dull moment when on vacation with a large family ... glad you had your fill of memories!

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Thanks for these useful tips!