I Was Raised By Maria Andretti...

My baby sister is having a baby. This is very exciting to all of us because even though she is 28, she is still our baby. I am still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that she is married and not 13!

My older sister, mom and I are planning her a baby shower (read: I am planning her a baby shower and my mom and sister are just nodding in agreement with everything.)

We decided to buy her the infant car seat. I have bought many of these over the years due to my own fertilization and figured this would be a good safe "low-cost" gift to give considering we are footing the bill for the shower... and all of the other crap I have bought when I am out and about and proclaim "Look how adorable this is! I must buy it for my new niece who is also my GODCHILD and therefore a very fortunate child indeed!" (If you don't think I proclaim that entire sentence, just ask the cashier at Babies R Us today, she will back me up.)

I went on my sister's registry to order the car seat and I about fell over in my chair. The one she wants is $220! Holy Hell! I didn't even spend $220 to birth all of my kids put together! She wants some Peg Pergo type thingy that only Gwen Paltrow and Brook Shields buys.

I called her on the phone and said "WTF?" to which she replied something about it being the top safety seat on the market today. I personally think she needs to lower her safety standards. I mean, sure she is driving around with my niece in the car, but my own kids do not get $220 worth of safety-they get the $99 special with a ten dollar coupon and 15% off for opening a Babies R Us account.

Shoot, when we were kids the only type of safety we had in the car was that of my mother's arm whomping us in the chest when she stopped too fast or when the lines in the road were a little blurry from the 4 glasses of wine she had at Mrs. O's house before driving us all to our home where we had no cable TV and no air conditioning!

I do recall my little sister falling out of the car once while my mother was driving. She had to pee so badly that she could not wait to get home and when my mom turned the corner (on only two of the four tires I am sure) the door to the backseat popped open and my little sister was half in and half out-holding on for dear life while my mom was gassing it and screaming in horror. She had some pretty banged up knees and my mom had to have some liquid relief after that ordeal.

There was also the time when we were driving and the muffler fell off the car. My mom actually stopped the car and picked the stupid muffler up and put it in the trunk! I am not sure why-maybe she thought it would be cheaper to reattach the old rusted out muffler than it would be to purchase a new one.

Then there was the time when she got so stuck in mud at the park that she yelled at me for being the "damn kid" who wanted to go to the park in the first place! I remember her making little trenches for the tires in the mud all the while wondering if I would get in more trouble if I asked it I could swing on the swings while she was trying to dig the car out.

But my favorite memory of my mom behind the wheel of a car is when we went to Paw Paw Michigan for a vacation and the cottage we were staying at was on a dirt road. My mom would tear down that road like a bat out of hell with the tires spinning and squealing and kicking up dust-that was a blast!

Maybe I need to buy my sister that $220 car seat after all...


Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

The muffler part reminded me of when I was 16, I used to do these drive bys (not the kind with guns) of boys whom I had a crush.

My muffler fell off of my Nova right in front of Jason Dodd's house. Oh. My. Gawd.

Special K ~Toni said...

Hilarious! I hope your mom doesn't read your blog!

AuburnGalAlways said...

Consumer Reports and some government-car-testing-group rated the Graco Snug Ride as the safest infant car seat carrier thingy. I got mine at Babies R Us for right at $100 (included the canopy, base and foot warmer thingy that I threw away LOOOONG ago, because I'm in Alabama and it's summer. Summer = hell.

Is this your sister in Prattville? How exciting!

I'm actually in NE Alabama (little town of Fort Payne.) But my brother-in-law pastors a church just north of Prattville - in Pine Level: Liberty Baptist.

Small World.

kristi said...

I remember my brother falling out of the car a lot!

Cris said...

Toni-my mom doesn't read my blog-she doesn't have Internet (spawn of the devil you know). She has no problem with me selling her out for my own fame though--

Special K ~Toni said...

She has no problem with me selling her out for my own fame though~ what a fabulous mother!

diana said...

I think your mom sounds wonderful! Too funny!