Eddie... What Happened?

This morning I woke up and started to browse the news to see if anything important had happened throughout the night and I was struck by this picture:

That is Eddie Van Halen, the guitar virtuoso that I adored in the 80's. He looks a lot like the Aunt that we all have in our families that we only see at funerals and family reunions who smokes 2 packs of Camels a day and carries a flask in her purse. Folks, Eddie Van Halen has turned into Aunt Viola. *big sigh*

Back in 1980, Eddie, who I always thought was better looking than his drummer brother Alex, had big hair and tight pants. He was a walking dream I tell you. I would have killed to go to a Van Halen concert... but my parents only allowed me to go see The Monkeey's. I do admit to a crush on Davie Jones, but I passed him up in height in the 4th grade so my crush diminished.

In 1980, Van Halen looked like this:

When I met my husband back in 1990, he was a clean cut kid who was in the military. By this time I had moved on from my big hair band obsession with Eddie Van Halen and was looking for a more "shaven" kind of guy. One day looking through some old photos of my husband I came across his rock band days. My husband was the drummer of a band that he and his brother started (sound familiar?) My husband had long hair that he not only permed, but he also teased to the height of 4 inches! He wore tight spandex pants with bandannas tied around this ankles and his shirt was ripped in all the right places. He was bea-U-tiful! I teased him about it, but I secretly swooned inside because I was in love with a ROCK STAR! I had achieved all of my goals of the 80's... to meet and fall in love with someone my parents would freak out over! Too bad my husband was now a responsible citizen and no longer a drummer, but I could secretly cherish my hidden rebellion.

In the mid 90's Eddie cleaned up a bit as well and started looking like this:

Very nice if I do say so myself Mr. Van Halen! So what happened? He went from King status, to No status. Van Halen is making a come back (complete with David Lee Roth) and I am excited to hear how they will sound. Eddie has gone into rehab, or celebrityhab as I like to call it, in order to show his fans that he is going to "bring it" with the new Van Halen. Personally, I have grown out of my pantie-throwing, high-pitched screaming concert days (It was hard being a Monkeey's groupie!) and hope that Van Halen can offer me something that I can turn up in my minivan and roll down the windows while I drive toward freedom... at least that is how they used to make me feel. I doubt my husband will have to pound on our bedroom door and yell "TURN DOWN THAT DEVIL MUSIC!" The way my father did years ago, but maybe I can get an eye roll, or a "Eww gross music mom!" from my kids with the new Van Halen. Basically, I hope they sound like they did in the 80's, but all hope of them looking like they did back then has died.

This all is proof that I made the right decisions in my life... I could have given up everything and started following Van Halen around the country until Eddie noticed me and fell in love with me and then I would be stuck with a guy who looks like this:

But I was smart and found a guy who looks like this:
Man did I luck out! And my mother thought I would end up with the manager at Jiffy Lube! HA!


Kasia said...

Wow, what a handsome husband! No wonder you forgive him for forgetting your birthday! ;-)

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

AAAACKKKKK! My EYES!!!! IT BURNS!!!! whew, that picture is reeeeeeally scary! I was feeling kind of young today until I saw that thing. Man, I used to think EV was the bees knees. Now when I look at that picture all that comes to mind is, might as well jump there, Eddy. (shudder) anyway, I hope he gets off the meth and gets back into music 'cause that guy ROCKED on the guitar and there are few that beat him in that particular talent! What the heck is it with guitar players and early death? I wonder if stimulating your fingers on the guitar strings triggers some sort of "give me mind altering drugs" chemical in the brain? Someone should do a study.
P.S. Your husband's a hottie, WAY better than Eddy- even in his prime. Plus, he's aging MUUUUUCH better than ol' Ed.

Cris said...

HE is rather cute isn't he? You should see him in spandex~

Elaine said...

I saw that photo on my yahoo page and I was quite saddened by it. He did look so much better back in the 90's. I guess that is what abuse to one's body will do (he did have cancer at one time too) ... age you like you couldn't imagine.

Hopefully he will clean up, and look 20 years younger than he does now.

BTW, you have a fun blog to read ... lots of humor.

Anonymous said...

ewwh.. your hubby is an ugly dude.