We are Happily Married... REALLY!

When I am not pregnant, I am pretty cute... or at least I try to be. My husband has little nicknames for me that are not so sweet, but they don't really bother me because I know that they are just not true and they are just his way of saying "really honey... despite the fact that I am a man and I don't know how to wash my own stinky shorts, I do love ya!" His favorite name for me is "Chubba" This is an awful name I know, but I have grown used to it and I know that he does not think I am actually a Chubba because when I am pregnant, that nickname is never once uttered out of his mouth.

He has gotten wise this husband of mine. He knows when I am feeling yuck and therefore he calls me nicknames such as "precious" or "pookey monkey" I do not know where he gets these names from, but I do know one thing-if he were to call me "Chubba" during pregnancy, that would be the last word spoken from his cold dead body... no joke.

Well, last night after spending 2 straight days in bed with this man o' mine we were getting a little tired of each other. When he is sick, he wants to cuddle and be sweet and have someone be sweet to him. When I am sick, just leave me the hell alone buster! Well, somehow we (I) got on the subject of getting my body back in shape after this pregnancy. Obviously, the next things to come out of my husband's mouth were because I had been so cranky sick toward his cuddle sick for the last 48 hours and he must have been severely dehydrated and hallucinating.

He said to me (AND I QUOTE) "I read that after 4 kids, women never get skinny again-they are destined to be Chubbas." WHAT???? Now, my mind was saying "he is just teasing you" but the rest of my body was saying "this man has an appointment with death!"

I brought up very good examples: first, my older sister who has had 5 children and is as skinny as a bean pole, and then my mother who had 4 children and is still nice and slim. He obviously didn't know what he was talking about-what with coming from a family of thick-ankled women!

He goes on to say that I could be a model if I just applied myself, but I just don't apply myself. I stuck my foot up in the air and said "I could be a FOOT model!" (which is true because I take very good care of my feet. My toes are neither too long or too short and my second toe is not even close to being longer than my big toe. I have very good step appeal!) Hey-when you are pregnant, you learn to look at the positives rather than dwell on the stretch marks and the protruding belly that looks like your Uncle Mick's beer belly!

I then threw down the gauntlet. I said "Well, I will promise you one thing... when I do get all cute and skinny again, you will not be visiting this amusement park ride again!" He looked at me and said "Let me get this straight... you will have sex with me if you are a Chubba, but if you get skinny I am out of luck." Yes... this is what I was saying.

He then cuddled me as tightly as he could (so that I could not run away) and said "I always prefer Chubba to skinny-honest!"

1 comment:

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

He sounds a lot like Butch. A real man. In every way! So sorry about you being Job and all. This, too, shall pass. Why is it, though, that when we are all well, we really take our wellness for granted? I was just thinking as I read your post how good everyone is right now-no colds or anything...just wait, I think I hear the other shoe dropping in the other room.