No Pooping for the Weary

When it is warm out, we eat most of our meals outdoors. For the last few days, lunch has been served outside on the patio with the sun shining down upon us. It is wonderful.

Today, we were all outside-the kids playing and my husband cleaning out the pond and me watching. I needed to use the bathroom, but when you are pregnant if you go too soon it is pointless and if you wait too long you have horrible pregnant farts following you around, so you have to wait until just the right moment. Too soon and I would have deer pellets, too late and I would have a volcanic eruption... it is a delicate balance of good and evil let me tell you.

I decided to get everyone's lunch ready and set them up outside so that I could sneak back in and have a quiet peaceful 10 minutes to myself. I was going to take a book in there and enjoy the privacy-which is very rare as everyone in the free world has seen me on the toilet around here.

As soon as all were happy I dash upstairs to the bathroom-I was not going to chance using the downstairs kitchen bathroom as I was sure a little person would need to use it the moment things started moving for me. No sooner was I happily sitting when I hear the door slam and our little one call out "Mom?"

Her calm "Mom?" quickly turned into an anxiety ridden panic attack of "MOM MOM MOM MOM MOM WHERE ARE YOU MOM MOM MOM MOM!!!!!???" You would have thought that I packed up all of my belongs and headed to Tibet the way she was so panic struck over not being able to find me. I was trying to call to her that I was upstairs but her loud screams were not letting any noise in-there was even a jet that flew overhead but you could barely hear it over her high pitched shrills.

Finally she heard me-

Little one: "Where is you?"

Me: (knowing that ALL of the windows in the house are open and the neighbors are outside) "I am upstairs honey-come here to Mommy."

Little one: "What is you doing?"

Me: "I am upstairs, come find me."

Little one: "Are you in the potty? Are you going poop? MOM???"

Me: (through gritted teeth) "I am upstairs... what do you need?"

Little one: (making it up the bathroom and throwing the door open)"OH, there you is Mama, are you going poop? I need some lemonade Mama, the pink kind because I like pink, I wish my bedroom was pink, not green like the leaves but pink like Angelina Ballerina wears. Mama, can we paint my bedroom pink? Are you done? I want some lemonade, the pink lemonade."

Me: (giving up on my well thought out plan to poop in peace) "OK, let's go make some pink lemonade."

Now... I have passed the point of no return. I will not have deer pellets today or a volcanic eruption. I will just pass gas all day and blame it on the dog like I always do. Hopefully tomorrow I can get 10 minutes of peace and quiet~