C-Section via Metro Train Doors

We went downtown DC yesterday because we have family in town and what else do you do with family in town but drag them all over tarnation showing them the sights! Actually, my beloved husband kept the kids while I was able to go downtown. It is a different world out there when you get to do it without children, and I felt like I had a free pass out of prison for the day--It was liberating to eat what I wanted, when I wanted and without having to share it with little people with sticky fingers.

We zipped up to the metro station because I did not want to look for parking downtown and we headed to Union Station for lunch. When we finished we headed back down to the metro to catch a train to our next destination. Well, standing there was a mom and her two daughters all with suitcases, so when the train came I offered them to get on the train ahead of me. As I started onto the train-halfway on, halfway off, THE DOORS STARTED TO CLOSE! My little sister had gone on ahead of me and our friend Steffie was still behind me on the platform!

We all start yelling/screaming/laughing (because as I have said before, when bad things are happening you can't help but laugh at the person they are happening to--in this case it was to me!) I had my sister in the train pulling me, and I had Steffie outside of the train pushing me... and I was pretending I was Superman and made of steel and I could open the doors with my bare hands.

The thoughts going through my head as I was halfway in the train and halfway out of the train were these...
"Surely the Conductor will see me and open these doors."
"If I get in, Steffie will be left on the platform and she does not know how to find her way out of a parking lot let alone around DC!"
"I wonder if these big doors make my butt look smaller"

And then visions of that poor Chinese woman whose stroller got caught in the train doors a few years back and dragged her and her baby down the platform that the news played over and over again on the television flashed through my mind and I started to panic! My hair was all wind-blown and I did not want to be on the 9:00 news being dragged down the platform with messy hair! I would have felt better about the entire situation if I had had a chance to primp before being dragged to my death.

Eventually I was able to use my super-strength and pry the doors open long enough to get myself in AND Steffie. Whew! We were safe! We all sat and started to laugh--my sister said all that she could see was my feet and my tummy sticking through the doors. After we settled down a bit I looked around me. Do you know that the entire train car was full? Do you also know that most of the passengers were men? No one came to our rescue. No one helped to pry the doors open for the pregnant lady who was about to have her child popped out of her tummy like a pimple by the closing doors. We all scratched our heads. What ever happened to helping those in distress? It was like a Seinfeld episode, only Jerry and George would have been the men sitting on the train NOT helping because they would have had to touch a pregnant woman.

Thankfully I have the strength of a power lifter from Vegas and was able to free myself. I have decided to slather myself with self-tanner and buy a string bikini (maternity style of course) and enter in the next "Mrs. Buff USA" Watch for me on TV!

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