3.24.2007

Runners Beware...

This happens every year, I know it will happen, but somewhere in my psyche I ignore it and start to believe that maybe this year it will not happen... but it always does. The weather gets warmer and people start jogging/running.

This is an amazing phenomenon to me. I do not get running-I do not get anything that will make me feel out of breath and as if I am going to have a heart attack and die right there on the street, or anything that will cause me to pee my pants because of the lack of muscle tone I have due to kegel protests and labor and delivery. I also do not want to turn around and see my uterus laying on the ground half a mile back-it would not be fun. I refuse to follow the masses.

A friend of ours who shall remain nameless (Mike Harris) decided to start running a few years ago to get in shape and before we knew what was happening, he was sporting runners apparel everywhere he went and signing up for marathons and eating only salads. MARATHONS and SALADS?! This is not a way to live-that is just not right people. I prefer to eat, drink and be a merry little chubby person thank you. Who would want to run for 26 miles straight? I do not understand this, it would be like someone saying to me "Hey, do you want to coat your body in honey and sit next to this fire ant hill for 4 hours?" Crazypersonsayswhat?

Mike has become obsessed, which his wife and I knew he would do because that is his personality. He is a manic-obsessive-compulsive-drive-the-wife-crazy kind of a personality. He never stops. He and my husband get along great. They love to bond over small manly projects and they have small competitions like "who will be up the earliest on Saturday to mow their lawn." My husband and Mike have decided to run the Marine Marathon here in DC in Oct. This will be my husband's first marathon since he was young-19 I think, so I am glad that paramedics are on hand for these kind of things. I believe Mike is up to 2 or 3 marathons a year now...

I think this is rather insensitive of my husband to be training for a marathon while I am pregnant and during my postpartum "nothing in my closet fits" days. I have always told him that I would not have to lose a couple of pounds if he would just gain a few and that way I will still look small next to him-but he isn't willing to help. He is so selfish!

I got a phone call from our home owners association president yesterday and she asked me if I could refrain from yelling at people running in the street. I told her I had not idea what she was talking about... she then said, "You didn't yell... crazy people go home and eat some cookies!" to the running group Wednesday afternoon? I was appalled at her tone of voice and I said "That was not me... that was my daughter!" and hung up as fast as I could.

5 comments:

Elaine said...

You are too funny ... totally crack me up!

I do run, and I love it when I am in that zone. WHY you ask? I am ALONE ... no one is with me, but my rockin' iPod and myself. I can feel my body working, and I know that is good. A little bit of pain and torture is good ;)

Kasia said...

I always say that I don't run unless someone is chasing me...and even then I have to do a quick risk-benefit analysis (i.e. "Is my life in danger?") before I decide to run.

My cousin, who is flying back to the West Coast today, was telling me about getting into an argument with a guy in a bar somewhere in Southeast Asia and being chased by said guy (brandishing a machete) and said guy's friend (brandishing a cattle prod). That is a case in which I would run. Running for the sake of running, on the other hand, is just weird. :-p

Cris said...

Elaine-I am a paranoid person. I could not run with an ipod because I would think some crazed maniac would come up behind me and attack me. I can't help it-my husband says I "overthink" things... but I do have my safety to think of-no running for me, it could get me killed I tell you!

Kasia said...

Incidentally, Cris, speaking to your second question in your post today (why would anyone have to collect their poo for anything), I can think of one reason...

My boyfriend works in an animal cognition lab. When he started there, they had two squirrel monkeys (Jake and Elwood, who have since gone to that great lab in the sky, where there are no experiments and one can always have peanut butter). In order to get clearance to work in the lab, because he was going to be exposed to them (and I mean he was going to feed them occasionally - he doesn't even research primates), he had to bring in a stool sample. (Not one of his favorite memories.)

So there ya go - I would have posted it up there, but there was no room for comments. ;-)

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

Heyyyyyyy, I used to think that way, even though I'm a "runner" I refuse to get all freaky about it and you will NEVER see me in a tank top or biker shorts/pants and I will never "train" for a marathon. I just like to run because it's the fastest way to work out and get the old ticker ticken'. I was huge after my second baby and running helped me lose 30 pounds and ever since then I've gained about 60 lbs per preggoness and lost it all with running so I can't knock it! I just say the rosary while I'm running to the beat of my feet and picture my fat rolls chasing me. If that's not incentive, I don't know what is! Now bikers... wearing helmets and biker shorts and racing shirts and taking up the whole damn road...those dudes ought be shot.