5.11.2009

Kickin' It Old School Swoon...

Back when I started the Six-Pack, I was a calm and civil stay-at-home mom who thought I could just go through life talking about breast feeding and how to cut a birthday cake the proper way... and then I woke the hell up and decided to get real with life and with you all. It has been a gradual process... one in which I am sure I have lost some readers and gained some really cool ones along the way. I still have not even touched the tip of the iceberg on who I am and who june cleaver is... we are one in the same but separate. She is the ying to my yang-or rather the drunk to my sober.

Anyway, somewhere along the way I started throwing random pics of my first love Matthew McConaughey on the Six-pack. It became a running joke amongst the mens around here and Cousin Steve even perfected his Matthew McConaughey impersonation for me. People would send me news articles about him and pictures when they came across them.

I loved it.

I became convinced that Matthew was reading this blog because there was a time that if you googled his name, you would come up with my blog so if he is as self centered as I hope and pray that he is... well then he would have read me and developed a secret crush on me. Hey-this is my blog, I can believe whatever I want to believe.

Well, eventually I started to let my eyes wander. Yes, I swoon-cheated on Matthew. I started to post pics of other men. It all started with my Christmas gift to you all when I posted all of your swoons of choice.

So when Matthew and I have to go to trial for custody over this blog, I will site the Six-Packers as the reason why I strayed. Why I started looking at other swoons and couldn't keep my fingers off the clicker to find random pics of "men with their shirts off" or "hot men who make me freakin' scream in ecstasy" on google. God I love google.

But, this weekend I was reminded of my first swoon. I was given the opportunity to walk down lovers swoon lane again and say "Ya know... I think I may just really really like you again."

I went to see the movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. It is shit-don't go see it, unless of course you are going for all the right reasons and those reasons all have to do with a certain Matthew McConaughey that made me sigh out loud and giggle like a school girl in my seat.

Oh yes ladies, the man is back. The reason for the swoon has returned. The one that made it all begin. The one who taught me that it is Okay to swoon over men who are so hot that they make me blush when I slap them on the ass.

Yep.

Today I give you all Matthew...all day. If you don't like it, tough shit. This is the one that started the swoon so show some respect. (hehe... I sounded so tough there didn't I?) That last sentence was for Soliliquy who is having a BIRTHDAY! Happy Birthday Chicka-have some beefcake.

Enjoy-and Matthew if you are reading this... you are welcome. Don't worry about those other fellas like Robert Pattinson, Gerard Butler, or even Christian Bale (who I once said had replaced you in my heart of swoons) they mean nothing to me baby... NOTHING! Well, nothing until next Monday-but enjoy your day big guy. You lucky bastard.





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Is is just me or does anyone else feel the urge to just bite that butt? I mean, just sink your teeth right in? Phew... I am so hungry right now.
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Ugh-look at how cool he is... it is like we are on a long trip across country-just me and him and we are filling up at the gas station and on his way to pay for the gas he turns around and leans against the post and yells "Hey june baby... what do you want on your hot dog?" which he wouldn't ask me because I don't eat meat... but it is a nice fantasy isn't it?



So help me God if I ever find that dog I am going to let it sleep in my bed... because I am an animal lover. Yep.



Oh Matthew... you know I would go anywhere with you-that smile, that "come hither" gesture with your hand. Where do you want to go? To the corner store for some bubble gum and Cheetos? Okay-lemme get my flip flops.



Hi baby... tell me about your day.




And you wonder why I made him my first swoon. It was worth it-not one single regret. Nope. He was fantastic!




And... AND... he does yoga. We are soul swoon mates I tell you.





Here, let me help you peel yourself out of those wet clingy clothes. Can I be your assistant? Can I be the hose holder?



Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury... this last photo just proves to me that Matthew McConaughey reads the Six-Pack and loves me... why else would he display such a flagrant expression of his love for me. I am almost embarrassed by his devotion-I mean... he is just SCREAMING my name practically. Ireland and Matthew-two of my favorite loves.
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Sigh.
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It is so nice to get back to your roots every once in a while isn't it?
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Me and God love Matthew McConaughey-in all of his BO smelling, naked bongo playing, having a baby with another woman, Texas drawl, big smilin, just livin, alright alright alright ways.
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Mmmm Mmmmm Good.







35 comments:

TheSeeker said...

Man...between that ass and that accent, your original swoon is enough to make even the hardest heart melt :-)

BTW, I've been aching to tell you. I was at the mall with the bf (I know, how 17 does that sound, LOL) this weekend, and we grabbed some Chinese at the food court. He ran off to get some forks, and I looked up to see some weirdo lurking in a doorway staring at me. I was just about to spazz when I realized he looked familiar to me...it was one of those life-sized Edward cut-outs like your friends mailed you!! LMAO, I almost fell out of my chair. Just thought I should share :-)

Kelli said...

Best swoon ever.

Red said...

I feel like a cigarette after that Swoon... sigh

Uptown Girl said...

June, you are the best. the best.
In an effort to avoid work this morning, I read the Mr Firefly post you linked. I have to say that I agree. The men I like in real life are not at all like Matthew (or most of the swoons). But, a girl can still swoon over him! True beauty- thats what MM is. Thank you!

Enbrethiliel said...

+JMJ+

It hurts me to leave this comment under a post dedicated to Matthew McConaughey (who doesn't make me swoon at all) but . . .

June, I've nominated you for the Lemonade Stand Award at my 'blog:

http://enbrethiliel.blogspot.com/2009/05/jmj-awards-season-sharing-love-speaking.html

Layna said...

mmmmmmmmm good. thank you momma june! I'll let you know when MM comes north - my friend takes him to the cabin in the summer. Folks 'round here aren't phased by his celebrity - guess they haven't let anyone see him nekkid. i've volunteered to be his personal sponge bather and i'll take you with me. four hands are definitely better than two. Happy Monday!!!!

Anonymous said...

June,
Beth and I went to see MM in Ghosts of Girl Friends Past and were disappointed. What rubbish we had to go through to see him learn a lesson. I like MM alot, but it is time to find a different story line. He is getting too old to still be acting so irresponsible...don't you think!
Great blog,
Aunt Barbara

FLYNAVY said...

Miss Cleaver,
Well he certainly looks like a nice young man. Probably nicer with a haircut. Guess hippy punks are in these days.
Buzzy

Anonymous said...

I'd bite that butt twice and not even feel guilty.
Although 48, my dark-haired from CT still has a fine manbutt. Unfair that I don't have the perkiest buttocks of the 2of us but I live with it. :)
Ame in TN

warren said...

I am not so sure about biting Matt's butt but I am glad you made me think of Jennifer Garner...yummy!

Still, it is good to stick with old school stuff...first swoons and all. And about the hot dog run...you could eat one...it doesn't have any meat in it anyhow!

Schmoochiepoo said...

*SIGH*

Katy said...

YUMMY!

Anonymous said...

I like the old June better.
Sorry.

june "I gotta be me" cleaver said...

Mom... is that you?

powdergirl said...

Mathew? I guess he's alright.

The New June? Hell ya!

Domestic Accident said...

Swoon perfection.

wank "she's hit anything with a pulse" ette said...

Honey, it's like I'm looking at two halves of the same apple...you & Matt...

And in your honor, I'm finally posting a BLOND on the Intermittent Hubba tomorrow morning. Enjoy!

Layna said...

OMG i just realized that 'how to cut a birthday cake' is how i found you in the first place. rest assured, you and i have both improved over that time. new june rocks, kicks a@* and takes names - but only the swoonworthy survive.

wank "I keep having this recurring dream about Swedish TV detectives" ette said...

I just finished writing the Hubba and could hardly bear to look away.
I hope you like it.

Kasia said...

When's Ward due home, June?

Jenny said...

Okay so I am a little behind in my Google Reader, but I had to comment on this one. I good friend of ours from Ireland actually ran into Matthew McConaughey in a pub in Belfast. Just had to share that tid bit with you. = )

Agellius said...

If these were pictures of women I would avoid your website like a bad cold, because I don't need the temptation. Since you believe it's OK to post such pictures, I can only assume one of three things:

1. Women are not tempted by pictures the way men are (although on your site they pretend to be), so there's no danger of your website being an occasion of sin.
2. Women are every bit as tempted by pictures of scantily-clad men as men are of scantily-clad women, therefore there is danger of your website being an occasion of sin; but you don't care.
3. Women are every bit as tempted by pictures of scantily-clad men as men are of scantily-clad women, therefore there is danger of your website being an occasion of sin; but you just never thought about it before, and now that it's been pointed out to you, you will stop it.

I hope it's the first or the third.

june "lighten up Francis" cleaver said...

Agellius, thank you for your "pointing out" about sin on my blog.

I will be sure to review this post hast and get back to you...

I will also let the six-pack respond.

if you do come back to see the review-make sure you cover your eyes.

Agellius said...

"if you do come back to see the review-make sure you cover your eyes."

That gives me sort of a clue what kind of a response you're going to give.

By the way I didn't mean for this to be a public criticism. I would have sent it by private e-mail except I couldn't find an e-mail address on your blog. My intent was hopefully just to get you to consider the matter.

june "is my house made of glass?" cleaver said...

Agellius, this is the exact reason why I do not put my personal email on here-

I appreciate the fact that you do not agree with my blog-it is a free world afterall-but if you don't like it... don't read it.

Please do not assume to know anything about june cleaver or any of the six-pack readers.

Have a great weekend and I'll see you in Church on Sunday.

Agellius said...

I agree with your blog the vast majority of the time. It's one of my favorites and in fact I have recommended it to my mom and my sister. I'm sorry that you seem offended by my comment.

You can believe it or you can suspect me of BSing you. But because you have said that you are a sincerely believing Catholic -- and I have no reason to doubt it -- I felt that it needed to be said, as a brother to a sister, out of sincere concern.

When I said I was assuming one of those three things, I meant that I could not think of any other reason for your posting those pictures. If there is a reason besides one of those three I would be interested to know what it is. On the other hand you're under no obligation to explain yourself. My only intention was to bring it to your attention and that's been done.

Again I'm sorry to have upset you.

june "washed in muddy water" cleaver said...

A-you didn't upset me... if I were upset, your house would be on fire, your banking account would be overdrawn and your car would suspiciously not be able to stop when you applied the brakes.

No, you did not upset me.

You are correct-I am Catholic.

I am also a sinner-and those pictures are damn fun to post.

What can I say-maybe you should pray for me. My mother does every day.

Agellius said...

On further reflection I would like to clarify my point. I assumed you would understand what I was getting at but that assumption may have been unwarranted.

Jesus said, "He who looks on a woman with lust has committed adultery with her in his heart". I take this verse at face value, because that's what most of the saints do, going back at least to St. Augustine. So when I look at a woman with lust, I have committed a serious sin. It's one which I mention in confession. And of course at the end of confession you say the Act of Contrition, which says "I firmly resolve to sin no more and to avoid the *near occasions* of sin".

The "near occasions" of sin, of course, are the things that lead us to sin. An example of this is revealing and seductive photos.

Coincidentally, a short while ago I was debating with a woman who denied that men are more susceptible to lusting after the opposite sex after only a minimal amount of stimulus. Her position was that women struggle every bit as much with lust as men do. Personally I find that hard to believe.

When a red-blooded man looks at a photo of a scantily-clad woman in a suggestive pose, it can lead very quickly to a chain of thoughts and imaginings which culminate in his committing adultery in his heart. Do women have the same problem?

I expected and hoped that your answer would be the first of the three options I posted: That seeing suggestive pictures of men does not constitute an occasion of sin for a woman the way it does for a man. That answer would have confirmed what I already believed.

If that is the case, then I have no criticism of you for posting those pictures. But if they do lead to the same chain of thoughts and mental images that they cause in men, culminating in the woman committing adultery in her heart, then there is simply no denying that dangling such images in her face constitutes an occasion of sin for her.

As a woman you would know the answer to that question better than I, therefore **I make no judgment**. I leave it to you to decide for yourself.

That's really all I intended to say. I apologize for being so ham-handed about it.

june "I only read the articles" cleaver said...

A-all good points, and I would have to say that the woman you were talking with may have her own personal issues and I can only speak for myself...

That being said-

I do not look at a pic of a man and think thoughts of sex-and that is the honest to God's truth.

I look at a pic of a man-or a real, live, warm-blooded man, and notice if they are attractive, i.e. swoon worthy.

This does not mean I want to know what they are like in any other fashion (sex wise) than what is right in front of me-a good looking man.

I am basically appreciating God's creation-the good looking man.

Also, I find it admirable that you try so very hard to stay away from sin or from the occasion of near sin... but I have to hold on to the truth that my God-your God, is a loving and compassionate God.

He knows who I am, and I am pretty sure He smiles when he reads my blog.

*wink*

Agellius said...

"I do not look at a pic of a man and think thoughts of sex-and that is the honest to God's truth."

I'm relieved to hear it. Swoon away then.

"He knows who I am, and I am pretty sure He smiles when he reads my blog."

I don't have the slightest doubt about that!! : )

june "don't tell me what to do" cleaver said...

A-Thanks for your "blessing" for me to "swoon away"

You are such a man.

I say that as a compliment... really, I promis-so help me PMS.

Agellius said...

I give up. I just can't win.

june "so help me I will have the last word" cleaver said...

nope... you can't, but please, keep trying.

Go ahead.

I give you my permission.

Agellius said...

It was just a figure of speech.

june "it's all good" cleaver said...

No worries... really.

As Obi Won Kanobi is my witness.