Gird Your Loins People... The Cleaver Kids Are Out Of School For The Summer!

Today is the last day of school.

It seems like just 9 months ago that the first day of school was here and I was happily dropping my children off at the building where they would learn all kinds of interesting tid-bits to help them get through life.

Now they are back in my care for the summer.

Lord help them.

Lord help me.

First lesson that I will teach them? To leave mommy alone when the vein in the middle of her forehead is pulsing.

I have been trying to teach that lesson for 14 years now and it has never sunk in.


I am going to pick them up in the same way that I pick them up on every last day of the school year-I stand outside of my van dancing while I blare "Schools Out For Summer" by Alice Cooper.

Catholic school teachers LOVE that kind of stuff.

My daughter may die a thousand deaths when she sees me... but I am trying to instill joy here! It is summer for Pete's sake-it is time to be carefree and drunk by 1pm lounging by the pool! (for me, not my children-they still need to wait until 5pm to get drunk).

Speaking of drunk and children being home 24/7 for the next 3 months, I have a new drink for you.

I promise you will LOVE it.

I got it from a hard-core Irish Catholic father of 8, so you know it is the bomb!

It is called a "loaded beer"

You will need a beer-any beer will do-but it needs to be in a bottle. Well, I guess you wouldn't want to use Heineken because it has formaldehyde in it (did you know that?) and I don't want to be preserved until I am dead-so your best bet is to use your regular beer that you have in your fridge. Bud, Miller, Coors.... don't use Corona though-trust me on this.

And you will need (get your pencils out-write this down-this is the most important part) Margaritaville Island Lime Tequila. Let me repeat that... MARGARITAVILLE ISLAND LIME TEQUILA. Do not try to substitute if for anything else. Word on the street is that it will be shit-so don't get all "I know what I am doing... I can use applesauce in place of sugar" on me here. Just trust me.

Open your beer and pour the Tequila in the bottle all the way to the top. Gently place your thumb over the opening and slowly... SLOWLY tip the beer over so that the Tequila mixes with the beer.







Sue B. said...

Do you drink the beer before you add the tequila to the beer bottle? :)

june "I Drink Therefore I Am" cleaver said...

You can take a swig-but there is enough empty bottle to add the shot without taking a swig. I did not take a swig-but I was thinking that I may like to add a little more tequila to make it more loaded.

Try it to see which you like best!

Jess said...

This sounds delicious! Maybe like Miller Chill but not as sweet? Can't wait to try it at lunch.

powdergirl said...

Always nice have a new breakfast recipe.

Mike's Crazy Mom said...

Just seems like a waste of tequila to me..

Melissa said...

That is some good parenting! I have always had an open bottle policy with my children. Maybe it would be good to start setting some boundaries with the liquor cabinet. Gee, might even save me some money if I limit their boozing a bit. Thanks for the tip! Your blog offers great recipes and expert advice!

The Wannabe Redhead said...

You are, as always, the answer to my prayers. I knew God put you on this Earth and led me to you for a reason, and this Loaded Beer recipe proves just that!!
I'm trying this out this weekend at the Lake!
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR!!
Happy Summer, Cleaver Family!!

momto5minnies said...

I'd like to order one of those. Send one my way!

Uptown Girl said...

My mom used to dread the summer and celebrate with her friends come September. Don't ask me why.

I'm a little scared to try this beer-quila concoction. Mixing always seems to *come back* to bite me...

nitebyrd said...

I'm not sure that tequila would work well with Guinness. But I'll give it a go!

Of course, I needed it years ago when MY kids got out of school for summer. Back then it was Kool-Aid and gin. ;)

Anonymous said...

I'm not a drinker but have really been considering it lately and this is just what I needed. Oh that you boozy mama, you are my new king, or queen, whichever works for you.

TBass said...

I think I may have to head down to Margaritaville this weekend. Lovin your blog "June".

Cousin Steve said...

I tried your recipie. But I used coffee and hair tonic.

It was awful.

I had 13 of them and never got buzzed. Bunch of bull crap if you ask me.

I am never letting you make me a drink again.

june "laugh and the world laughs with you" cleaver said...

Ah Steve... how do you know when I need a good laugh.


Layna said...

I'm glad to see you've evolved to more than "how to cut a cake" - recipes like this are much more useful :-)

Layna said...

oh and try a little X-Rated. mix it with sprite and it's called foreplay. hot pink vodka - what more could a girl ask for?!?!?!

rita said...

I'm going to have to get some of that Margaritaville Lime. We're looking forward to six weeks in the Florida Keys (in a free condo) and the drinking starts early there and lasts all night.