To Boldly Go To The Monday Swoon...

Word on the street is that Cousin Steve has been threatening to do the Monday Swoon if I did not come out of rehab... I mean "hiding" in order to give you your weekly dose of man hunk swoon.

I am afraid to see what he may be doing over there at that blog of his, but if it does entail a donkey, jumper cables and motor oil... well I am going to sell tickets.

That is all I have to say about that.

As for my break-I am still on it. Maybe. Possibly. Ask me again tomorrow to see if I feel like coming out of my alcohol induced coma and decide to grab the bull by the horns and start living again.

If you really want to know that truth... I had plastic surgery*. Yes. I did*. I had all of the extra skin cut off of my stomach-the skin that has been stretched out because of the four little human beings that suck the life out of me on a daily basis-that skin. I had it cut off and I donated it to a woman who needed a stomach skin transplant. Word is that she is doing well. She should be out of the hospital in no time and will make an appearance on The Today Show some time this summer. I have asked to remain anonymous so please, when you see this amazing "stomach skin transplant" woman, do not yell "HEY! YOU HAVE JUNE CLEAVER'S STOMACH SKIN!" She will have no idea what you are talking about and you may end up in jail like I did that one time I was at Outback Steakhouse and the manager looked just like Ryan Seacrest and I felt compelled to convince him of this amazing theory of mine after 6 beers and 3 Jager bombs... and a onion blossom. Damn those onion blossoms-they get me in trouble all the time. Anyway-I went to jail because someone who I am not allowed to come within 50 feet of (the Ryan Seacrest look-alike manager) did not like the way I was "in his face" (his words, not mine.)


I also had my boobs done. I am now an A cup. I just could not go on living with my barely C's so I thought that since I was getting my stomach skin cut off, they may as well go all the way and get rid of my boobs. I donated them to science because let's face it... I had some fabulous boobs-until just recently when they became pancakes from nursing the same 4 human beings that stretched the hell out of my stomach.

Damn kids.

While I was recovering from my plastic surgeries, I was able to think long and hard (loooong and haaaard) about the Monday Swoon. I have done so many lately and it is sometimes a challenge to find hot men. I mean, it gets a little tedious searching the Internet for shirtless hunks and Swoonworthy pics. It is a hard (haaaaaaaaard) job let me tell you... but for you, my dear Six-Packers, I will make the sacrifice. No need to thank me.

Anyway, while recovering my son convinced me to go see the movie Star Trek with him. Now, my first thought was "No." and then my second thought was "Hell no." but then I gave in and said "Fine, but I am not sharing my popcorn with you, you Sci-Fi weirdo." to which my son replied, "You never share your popcorn anyway you selfish woman." and then I hugged him because he is just so damn cute.

So we went, and let me tell you ladies... this is a FABULOUS movie! I had never seen one episode of the old Star Trek on TV-and seeing this movie does not make me want to go back and watch all 56 million episodes of it either, but I will say this-the movie was honestly and truly really freakin' good.

And it has hot men in it.

Good enough for me.

So, for today, I thought I would make us a little nerdy-a little geeky-a little sci-fi weird and bring you the men of the NEW and IMPROVED Star Trek.

Now... will someone please wake me when they decide to remake Bonanza? I have some GREAT ideas for the casting director!

Uhm.... can anyone pic out what is wrong with this picture? Why in the world is his belt off-center? I can't stand it! I need to straighten it out... or, why don't we just take it off? Yes, I think that is the better option.

Oh Chris Pine, you are a sultry one aren't you? Yes you are.... Sultry.

Nothing left to say but "Beam me up Scotty." Oh yes... beam me the hell up!

Okay, I have to admit that the Spock ears freaked me out a bit---and what was up with Spock's eyebrows? It was almost too much for me to handle during the movie-knowing that Zachary Quinto is so unbelievably swoonworthy and they had to sci-fi him all up and make him into a alien from some other planet that I can't even remember what the name of it is (because I don't care)... but, as you can see, the man is H.O.T. that is right... he is so hot that I have to put the air conditioner on in the Six-Pack. Phew!

Could you imagine the marks that scruff would leave on your body? Swoon.

Are you kidding me? Look at him when he laughs! Talk about a smile that travels all the way up to his eyes. Lord have mercy. Live long and prosper is right.

Okay, Eric Bana is the hottest bad guy in the history of bad guys. The anger alone makes me want to run away from him just so's he'd hunt me down and capture me.

I mean, look at him.... yummy.

Yes, yes, yes... you are swoonworthy Mr. Bana, but I still like you bald, angry and with ink all over your face. Capture me and make me your slave-PLEASE!

Karl Urban plays the Doctor in the movie-and let me tell you ladies, he can doctor me any day... all day. Cheers to THAT!

Oh my gosh-how do men look like this? I mean, do they go to a "how to stand and make women drool over you" school or something? If there is a school like that-Karl would have been valedictorian for sure. Yep.

Oh don't look at me like that... okay fine, look at me like that all you want. It makes me feel all squishy inside and I like it, oh yes, I like it a lot!
If they keep this up I may just find out when the next Star Trek convention is in my hometown and dress up as Uhura... which I had to laugh out loud when I heard her name for the first time because I thought they were saying A-whore-a, but what do I know-I am not a sci-fi geek... at least not yet.
Zachary Quinto could make me whatever he wants to make me and if he wants to wear pointy ears and ask me to be A-whore-a, well I may just take a loooong haaaard look at this sci-fi stuff.
To boldly go where no other Six-Packer has gone before. Oh yeah.

*You can relax mother... I did not have plastic surgery, I am not in rehab and I am not in jail-but if you could send $500 that would be GREAT!


Jud said...

All the star trek men except for Simon Pegg?

Glad to see ya back...but are there are any love-interests for Kirk?

Cousin Steve said...

Thank heavens your back. I was trying to organize all the pictures I found of Scott Baio when I realized that I couldn't do the Swoon. Men should never have to use the words "yummy" to describe another man.

Melissa said...

Welcome back! And you are in excellent form!
The belt? Some skinny, hip girl told me that was THE way to wear them so you are not left with a fat blob when you are rockin' your hop slung jeans.

Melissa said...

Oops, I said hop when I meant hip!

FLYNAVY said...

Miss Cleaver,
Welcome back from your mid tour break. Need the Cleaver family secret on the jumper cables & motor oil....think I'm not doing it right. & btw, your other cousin Stevette, smokin hot body but face [rather butter face] needs a little work.

Red said...

Thanks for the Swoon, June! I love me some Eric Bana *sigh*

Uptown Girl said...

I need to go see this Star Trek. You have presented sci-fi in a whole new light. Thanks for taking a break from your break to show us the way to Swoon City.

june "a-whore-a" cleaver said...

Ahhhh, it is good to be back.

Melissa-really? You wear a belt off-center to cover the muffin top? Hmmmm... must start doing this post hast!

Jud-I was going to put Simon Pegg on here... but I already swooned over him a few weeks ago and although he is f.u.n.n.y. he is not so h.o.t. that he gets to be in two swoons. Sorry.

Steve-thanks for thinking of taking one for the team. I appreciate it buddy. I know I can always count on you-and your yoga picture? Fabulous.

Buzzy-you do know that when I see a new pic of your on your web site that I can't help myself and I right click and save it don't you? It is your own fault.

Maria Grace-go see the movie. Chris Pine has enough "smartassedry" to make any six-packer giggle and swoon. Who knew Capt. Kirk was so damn sexy?

TheSeeker said...

Ooh nerdy swoons! I love it.
Can't wait to see the movie. My bf went to see it without me, which puts him on my shit-list. But he's cute, so he's right back off. *sigh*

Cass said...

OMG you crack me UP!

Thank heavens the Swoon is back. ::whew::

wank "needing younger booty" ette said...

I fell for Karl Urban when I saw his pitch-perfect Capt. Woodrow Call-as-young-man in "Comanche Moon".

Eric Bana had me running around saying: "Little braids on men are hawt!" after seeing Troy. Seventeen times.

Yum. I like it that you don't screw around with re-entry!

Melissa said...

The belt buckle needs to be closer to the hip to help with the muffin top thing. Chris Pine clearly doesn't have a muffin top but I would be more than happy to help him adjust his belt!

Urban Mom said...

I worry a bit that I'd need to ask Zachary's and Chris' moms if they can come out to play... they're so young! But I could eat Eric Bana with a spoon and go back for seconds. Yummmy is right!

Glad to have you back and hope that your recovery goes well. Personally, I plan to Botox the hell out of my face in another year. Or less. Whenever I can convince U-Dad that *yes,* i am *serious* about it.

Regina said...

I love your blog! I hope you're doing well...
and thanks for introducing me to Chris Pine... I am definitley going to see Star Trek now.
But I have to divert from your page from now, the pictures are causing me to have trouble breathing! :)

FLYNAVY said...

Miss Cleaver,
Hey, left my pants on in most of the myspace pictures....movies r a different story, haha. Gets kinda warm in some of the places Navy sends us to.
Glad I figured out the small print & *, had me going there for awhile.

powdergirl said...

You efforts as a "humanitarian force to be reckoned with", do never cease to amaze me!

'June Cleaver an anthropologist to a virtual nation of cougars.'

Sorry Steve, there are some boots you cannot fill, nice try though.

blue_eyed_mom said...

Ok ok twist my arm! Ill go see the Star Trek movie. Oh have you seen that the New Poster is out for New Moon???? Looks soo yum!!! and Zachary Quinto is in the New GQ..wow..i think perezhilton.com if not other sites have the pictures up if you dont like his blog. Thanks for the rainbow after all the rain we have had!!

Sarah said...

Darn...I skipped all those guys just to see what the * meant...that sounded too good to be true.

Jenny said...

I am so relieved and slightly validated by your Star Trek experience. Though, let's be honest, hotties in space or not, there were some serious freakshows in that movie audience... yikes...