Hair Swoon... Get Your Hair Swoon Here...

I try very hard to guide my children in all aspects of life, and my main goal is to help them on their way to heaven of course. With the little ones, I try and help them get through the day without coloring on the walls or getting bubble gum in the dog's fur. With my son I try and get him through the day without taking any trips to the emergency room or the police station... but with my oldest daughter, I try really hard to get her through the day with the most important lessons of all.

Swoons.

Now, you may be saying "June! How can you be teaching your daughter about swoons? You are a horrible, despicable, incomprehensible mother!" and to all of that I say... yeah, SO?

You see... I had to teach my daughter about Rock and Roll or she would be destined to love silly boy bands like The Jonas Brothers (gag) which, sadly I will admit that she does love them and she is actually going to their concert this summer (the third time she will be seeing them in concert-I know, it pains me as well) but I am happy to say that next to all of those bubble gum songs on her iPod, she also has some Nickelback, Saving Able and Theory of a Deadman (oh, relax, she is only allowed the PG songs-none of the ones that talk about pants around your ankles or any of the other really REALLY good ones.)

And I have finally convinced her that Harley Davidson Motorcycles are sooo much better than those "crotch rocket" motorcycle types that all of the half-baked-fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants-and-you-can't-trust-them boys like to race around town in.

But there is one area that I just cannot sway her on. Hair. Yes, hair. She likes hair on boys. I am talking lots of hair-surfer hair, long hair, sprayed, coiffed, hi-lited and styled hair.

Where did I go wrong I ask you? I knew today that I would never be able to convince her to like a nice buzz cut or a clean cut crop (which is what I really like even if I do say that Robert Pattinson's hair drives me crazy-so crazy that it is hair porn for me.... but I digress).

This evening we went out for dinner and as we were leaving my daughter, being the good and obedient oldest sibling, took little 2-year-old Mary into her arms and carried her across the parking lot to put her in her car seat (without even being asked... see Ma, Rock and Roll does not make a teenager's brain explode.) As she was cradling the baby in her arms and walking, a boy-a teenage boy with long, flowing, thick, surfer dude, swiped to the side of his head hair walked past her. He watched her. He smiled at her. He even flipped his head to the side so that his greatest attribute-his lovely locks-would flip and fall perfectly into a certain disheveled place that gave him an effortless coolness about him. I couldn't help but smile because I knew my daughter's heart was pounding... and I also gave that boy a dirty look that said "Back off buster-you do not want to mess with that sweet little girl up there or I will F&^% you up! That is right! I am June Cleaver and I will F^%^ you up!" I am so amazed at how I can convey that entire sentence with just a single glance... I am that good at being a mom.

I climbed into the car and looked at my daughter and she was scowling at me. What did I do?

Daughter: "Mother! I can't believe you have so many children and I am carrying one when a cute boy smiles at me!"

Me: "What? It is not my fault! Talk to your father."

Daughter: "He probably thought that Mary was mine... or worse! He probably thought that we are part of a cult of something!"

Me: "Hey-I hear cults are all the rage now-a-days, you need to read your Tiger Beat more."

Daughter: "He was cute.... (sigh, swoon, sigh again) did you see his hair? I wonder how old he is. I wonder if he can drive."

Me: (rolling my eyes so hard that I can see the back of my brain)"Well, considering he was driving that big red pick up (okay, I will admit that pick ups are cool) I bet he is at least 16... and he is here with his Grandma-who probably owns the pick up-unless of course that is his girlfriend... maybe he is into older ladies, but he is too old for you and he has too long of hair." (I threw that last remark about the hair in there to tick her off... and the grandma dating remark just purely to gross her out.)

Daughter: "His hair was perfect." (notice how she ignored my grandma dating remark... she is good.)

Me: "Yeah... too bad he thinks you have a baby."

Daughter "MOTHER!"

And then I laughed the rest of the way home...

So to make it up to my hair-loving daughter, I am going to put youngsters with hair on the Monday Swoon.

Lord help me.

Are you even old enough to vote son?

What was I talking about? Hair.... does he even have hair? I can't see it.

Mirror Mirror on the wall... scoot over so my boyfriend can see himself and borrow my hairbrush and mouse and gel and hair spray... and has anyone seen my teeth whitener?




This is the worst of all... my daughter has this joker on her bedroom wall. She is Team Jacob. I know... I am embarrassed. Look at his hair! Can you imagine what the drain in the shower looks like when he is done? Ugh-gross.

Okay... fine. Sometimes I understand hair on a man. Sometimes.

*********UPDATE********************UPDATE********************

My apologies ladies... truly. I just reread this post and said WTF Jimmy! So I thought I would put some baldies on the Monday Swoon to remind us wimins that bald is beautiful-it is manly-it is easy to maintain-and it requires no extra primping in front of the mirror. Who wants a man that has to primp in the mirror? Not moi.

The Six-Pack has been schooled.

My apologies to the masses.

.