4.03.2009

Random Moments Of Clarity... Sort Of

Do you ever wake up in the morning and walk through your house and get that "I must clean" feeling? You know the one-the one where you just have to clean your house or you will go stark raving mad at all of the crap everywhere?

That is me today-granted, Friday is my usual "overhaul" day in the house... but I usually do it begrudgingly because I have already picked up the house Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday so it pisses me off that I am cleaning it once again on Friday-but I like to go into the weekend with a clean house, you know, in case someone important stops by... like the Queen of England or a random rock star. It also offers me the opportunity of nagging my children the entire weekend by saying things like "Pick up your socks! I just cleaned this place!" or "Put your dishes away-what do you think I am your maid?" and even "I slave and slave around here, giving my life blood to keep this place looking nice and you don't care! Nobody loves me! Nobody cares about their dear old mother... but that is fine, I'll just keep slaving away after you and one day when I am dead and gone and my gravestone is so overgrown with weeds because you never go out to the cemetery to visit me and clean it up-you will think about your old mom and of all the things I did for you-you lazy twerps! I hope you have children just like you when you grow up-then you'll love your mother."

Yes, today I woke up with that really good urge to clean-the urge that will even make me WANT to scrub behind the toilet that my 11 year old son uses (gross) and clean out the fridge... including that mysterious dish in the very back that has been there for 3 months and I forget what was originally in it... because now it looks like a science fair project.

Anyway, in other news...

I have a really good bitch and moan post brewing inside of me that I will share this weekend I am sure... but it is contingent upon how many beers I consume, which may not be many seeing as I am going to take my first "Hot Yoga" class tomorrow morning and I am supposed to be putting only water into my body and not alcohol (stupid class). I will be sure to give you the update of this class-especially since I hate anything that makes me sweat and the thought of any kind of exercise makes me break out in hives... but I am going to try this because it is spring which means summer is right around that corner and I will be forced to take my children to the pool and wear a bathing suit in public. Groan.

Oh-one last thing, does anyone watch any of those housewives shows on Bravo? You know-the Orange County, Atlanta, New York Housewives where they find the most annoying women completely out of touch with reality and ironically film them to make a reality show? Well, it seems they are going to have a Housewives of New Jersey now (premier May12). Why don't they do something normal like "The Real Housewives of Omaha"where they show normal women-women who clean their own houses, raise their own children, cook their own dinners and do not have jewelry lines or clothing lines or cocaine lines? Why do we have to watch plastic women leading lives that we will never lead? It pisses me off-just like those commercials with Kelly Ripa where she has all of those really expensive appliances that make her life so easy that she makes us normal housewives look like peasants and horrible mothers. TV producers can suck it if they think flaunting someone who is rich and has a chef, trainer, nanny and a maid in front of my face on the television is going to make me want to buy their product. Put ME on a commercial-I'll tell you like it is.

I think I may be starting to PMS... which may explain why I ate 3 loaves of bread yesterday.

Gird you loins Six-Packers... I have a feeling this one is going to be a doozy.

.

19 comments:

That Girl said...

I shake my head at those Kelly Rippa commercial. If only....

goatgirl said...

I'll tell you what I hate...I saw Oprah yesterday and Oprah and Suze Orman were telling people that had worked hard their whole life and did all the right things but still lost their savings and retirement in this banking mess to look at what they do have and be thankful for that. They still had what was important in life. What the heck....coming from those two. Easy for them to say.....just like my rich mom saying this was good for people to cut back...as she drove off to mall!
Chocolate, I need chocolate.

TheSeeker said...

They don't show normal wives/mothers on tv because normal isn't normal anymore. There's too much crazy running around these days.

Good luck with the yoga.

Ellyn said...

Amen!

Katy said...

Are you doing a Bikram yoga class? A blogger I used to read loved it!

Anonymous said...

June,
I have an idea. How about a "Speak Your Peace" segment for you and your six-packers. With Swoon Monday, maybe you could have "SYP" Tuesday or pick another day.
MY "SYP" for today is that I tried to record ER on my DVR last night and it didn't work. I came home from a jewelry party looking forward to watching the 3 hrs. I had recorded and I had nothing. NOTHING! That darn DVR looked at my like, 'what you looking for, I didn't get your message to record ER, just watch Oprah, Suze Orman was on today and has some good advice for you.'
I tried staring that dumb DVR down to no avail...and watched Oprah. And Goatgirl, I agree with you I thought the same thing when Suze mentioned looking at what we have not what we had. (My 401K is doing a nose dive as I speak.) Oprah had a look on her face that said...wow sure glad I don't have to worry about that...
There I feel better now!
Thanks six-packers for listening.
Have a great day and a great weekend. I do appreciate what I have and have faith that our faith will see us through.
Aunt Barbara

Maria Grace said...

I love watching the Real Housewives of NYC- none of whom are actual homemakers. They are insane. Love it love it love it. I aspire to get me a fancy rich husband, have 1-2 accessories (kids), and be a complete bi-otch to everyone I meet as I drop $8000 on shoes. Then, when I have an "I must clean" feeling, instead of ignoring that feeling, I can have my maid scrub the toilet :)
happy friday!

LibbyMo said...

Yes, yes, yes! I hate the Kelly Rippa ads, and am baffled by those "housewives"/narcissistic botox diva shows. And I just had the "..I'm not picking up your legos again" conversation with my son this morning. Glad I'm not the only one...

Phat Mama said...

I caught the first five minutes of Real Housewives of New York.

That is -not- what being a real housewife is, at all and these producers need to put a show out for all of us, the meat & gravy of womanhood and Mom'ing!

I try, on my blog and in comments, to keep it pretty light & funny but seriously, some of these shows really make me want to pull a redneck and kick some high society, botox'd, boob jobbed, arse!

Cheryl said...

I agree about the Kelly Ripa commercial. Yeah, I'm sure she does all that...yeah right...

Paula said...

They don't show normal women on TV because WE wouldn't watch!

Counselormama said...

Ugh, Kelly Ripa can't possibly function at that level without at least two nannies, a chef, personal trainer, etc.

the Mom said...

My eldest daughter and I are completely addicted to the Housewives shows. The bonus is that she kisses me at the end of each one and says, "thanks, mom, for not being a freak." We also like Say Yes to the Dress where women spend way too much money on the ugliest wedding dresses we have ever seen because their nightmare relatives like them. Why on earth would someone want a wedding gown with a see-through bodice? I don't know either, but it seems to be the best seller.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I loved the Catholic guilt trip rant about your kids and cleaning at the beginning of your post.

My Mom always used this old standby..."If you can't do this for me [insert chore here] with joy in your heart, then never mind, I'll try to figure out when I can do it myself." She would be almost in tears and it worked every time. Now, that's parenting!

Kasia said...

Go June go! Go June go! WOOOOO!!!

We love you, Juuuuuuuune!!!

:-)

powdergirl said...

Well, June I've never felt the urge to clean the house, but I have done a lot of yoga.
Bikram(hot) is hard, your skin will feel amazing afterward, and you will be really surprised at how flexible you are in a 105 degree environment. Just use some caution in the back-ward bending positions if you've ever had any trouble from your back.
Oh, and if you bring an extra small towel to wrap around your water bottle it won't be the temperature of urine by half way through the class. : )
Aaaand, really, wear as little as possible, think tiny yoga shorts and a sports bra.
Else your sweaty clothing will hang up on your sweaty skin and make things difficult.(don't worry, everyone else will be pretty much naked too. It's how it's done)
Just a little unsolicited saturday morning advice for you!
Have fun!

Anonymous said...

Not only will everyone else be close to naked, but listen closely: Someone will, no doubt, FART, being that some of them are so hippy-dippy natural that, hey, if that's what their body wants them to do, who are they to deny it that freedom?!?

I am not making this up.

Don't strain too hard with some of the poses. Just in case.


On a serious note, don't do anything that hurts; these Bikram whackos are so high on themselves, they think all the answers to life can be found in extremely unnatural poses, some of which are simply NOT good for you if you have knee, back or neck "issues". Take it slow and take breaks your first time out. If you haven't done it, you cannot believe how strenuous this work-out is.

Oh, and I always refuse to bow down to myself at the end...they apparently believe themselves to be worthy of God-like worship of that figure in the mirror. You can just ignore the pseudo-religious tones and say a silent Hail Mary.

signed, ex-Bikram chick

Floyd R. Turbo said...

Why would you worry about us June? Doing baying wolf or snorting lotus (or whatever the yogi calls them) for 90 minutes in a hothouse doesn't sound too ummmm... "mainstream".

Kelly Ripa -- batshit insane. I had a rich friend in law school who was always trying to horn in on our money bitchfests. Sweet woman, brilliant -- clueless about the rest of our existences.

And y'all have a blessed Palm Sunday.

Soliloquy said...

Wait. Was THIS the bitchandmoan post?

Or is that still in my reader.

Plastic women?

I take offense.