Every woman needs friends, and I am not talking about the friends that you have because you have children the same age and you are thrown together in the ballet waiting room or the side of the baseball field... no, I am talking about those friends that you can call in the middle of the night and say "I think I may have just shit my pants." and they will calmly and evenly respond, "Well... do you have your good panties on and did you have corn for dinner?" and then you respond, "No-I think someone is in my backyard about to come in and kill and rape me-I just know it..." and they will say, "Are we talking Ted Bundy-good looking-killer or Charles Manson-holy hells bells ugly-killer?" and eventually you are in a discussion about Lifetime movies and whether or not you should wax or shave your unmentionables and you have forgotten about the frightening person on your back deck that does not exist.
I have made mention before that I have a very small circle of friends that I consider my true blues. You know who you are... and I love you, but today I am going to talk about my friend Lisa.
Lisa is my soul twin-no lying on this one. We get each other and there is something so cerebrally satisfying to know that there is actually another person in this world that thinks the same warped things that you do about many quirky habits.
The funny thing about Lisa is that as much as we are alike, we are polar opposites... for instance, she has great big titties, and I don't. She is a liberal, and I am not. She may or may not believe in God, and God is the reason I get up every morning and sift through this life. She has brown hair, I have blonde. She is short, I am tall. She is funny... oh wait-we do have that in common.
We are both health nuts... I am a vegetarian-but Lisa is a carnivore. Lisa only buys organics at Whole Foods and then I bust her by calling her in the middle of the day and listening to her talk through mouthfuls of food and I say "What are you eating?" and she will say "Shut up, leave me alone." and I'll say "Step away from the Suzie-Q!" Thank goodness we both agree that alcohol is good for you... but you should never drink Heineken because it is the only beer with formaldehyde in it, unless of course it is the beer on special for $1.00, but thankfully, that is usually a crappy Bud Lite so we are safe.
Why am I thankful for Lisa? Because she refuses to let me sulk in my bad moods. She insists I get up off of my rear and sweat my urine through my skin in yoga class. She drags me out of my doldrums and listens to me, gives me a hug, smacks me on the ass and says "Go forth and be happy young grasshopper."
She also has a stocked liquor cabinet. Sweet.
Everyone should have a Lisa like my Lisa in their life. A friend that will keep calling you even when you don't return phone calls for six months and say "Hey! Let's go out and get so drunk we get in a fight, puke and eventually wonder how we traded clothes in the middle of the night."
I hope you have a Lisa. A person who can look at you and know your faults and love you in spite of them-or rather... love you even more because of them.