I Read You... I Really Do!

I am sure I have mentioned the blogs that I recommend on my sidebar. Do you see the list? Just turn your head to the right and look down a little... right there... got it? Good.

It is not a very big list is it? Nope.

"Why not June? Don't you know how to read? Why aren't there more blogs on your sidebar for me to click on and be entertained? Do you not have many friends? What is up with THAT?"

Well, the reason why it is not very big is because I am very picky. I know-what a snob I am that I expect everyone on Al Gore's Internet to link to me but I am an itty bitty titty linker.

This is the way I roll... small. I can't help it. I am not an extrovert-honest.

It is small because these are the blogs that I do go over and visit. Some more than others, but basically I feel a connection to these blogs. They are my homies, my posse, my imaginary friends.

What does it take to get on the sidebar? Money.

No, not really... but you could try that route and see if it works.

Basically there is no rhyme or reason to my sidebar... they are mostly perverts and Catholics over there so I am just doing what Jesus would do.

Let me introduce them to you... including our two new links:

Abbey Roads-meet Terry. I just read him because I like his picture, which obviously isn't him... or maybe it is, I am not sure. Oh, and he is also wicked smart on just about everything. If I am ever President, or married to a President, Terry will be the Chairman of the Smart Committee. I promise.


Amy's Friend Jess- Meet Jess. Like Terry she is brand new to the sidebar. I found her because I was "browsing" my "followers" one day and saw her and clicked on her blog. She was talking about a friend of hers that owned a children's store in Virgina named Amy, and it turns out that I am Amy's friend too! In fact, I think Amy is great and she is funny so I figured that any friend of Amy's was a friend of mine so I read on and discovered that not only is Jess so funny that I laugh out loud ever time I click on her, but she is a great writer. She should write a book... and then get it published and tell me who her literary agent is so that I can get my book published simply because I know a published author. That is a good plan don't you think?

Brunette Lover... Gasp Don't click on this guy if you are a liberal or a woman... you will be offended, and that is why I like to read him. Don't click on him if children are in the room. Don't click on him if the DOG is in the room. If you do click on him make sure you have an appointment for confession directly after. Seriously.

Chi-Town Urban Mom - It is funny how people name their blogs, yet when I link to them I sometimes change their names. Anyway-this kid is great. I would love to be her neighbor. We would get arrested and our husbands would have to bail us out, which always makes for good blog fodder.

Elaine I started linking to Elaine after she gave me some of the most amazing information that a a person with OCD (me) would pee their pants over. She told me that the average woman does no less than 25 swipes with the mascara brush on each eyelash. Now, I don't know about you, but that kind of information causes me to start counting things... and ever since then I have counted the number of swipes I make with my mascara EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE! She also said that she knows this information because her husband works for some big make up company so I link to her in hopes that she will eventually send me free make up. So far I have received zip.

Kasia I think Kasia was one of the first people to ever comment on my blog so she is like a friend I have had since elementary school. She knows (and remembers) everything about my family... which is a little creepy, but that is Okay, I know for a fact that her husband has dressed like a woman before (oh, he'll argue that it was a kilt, but whatever) so we are even.

Man With 1000 Children Seriously, he only has 11 with one in the oven... but who is counting. My priest made me start reading him a long time ago because I have this certain irritation for people who jog on the side of the road. I can't help myself, but when I see them I get an overwhelming urge to run them over with my van. When I confessed this to my priest he told me that I had to say 3 Hail Mary's and start reading Rob, who is an avid runner and runs at least a million miles in a week. True story.

Soliloquy I read her because she has a great body-that is about it. No... she is also hi-freakin-larious. Although I think she has me blocked from her comments because I have tried to tell her what I would do to get that $3500 from her husband that she needed, but she either did not like my suggestion or she was so offended that I have been black listed. If you only click on one of these links today-make it hers. You will be happy you did. And while you are there tell her to open her door to let me back in-I am probably hanging out with all the scumbags in the spam waiting room.

Stupid Fat HobbitWe all know Hobbit don't we? I don't know why I link to him... he is an ignorant slut. Oh relax... it is an inside joke. We actually know each other in person (I know, how weird is that?) and I once got him drunk at a party (playing beer pong) and he sometimes has this problem with people not "getting" his jokes... but I get Hobbit, I really do, so when he turned to another party goer and said "Jane you ignorant slut!" I understood the joke completely and laughed (reference SNL Dan Akroyd). Too bad the party goer he called an ignorant slut did not know what he was talking about and was probably offended... but we were drunk and playing pong so all was good with the world.

Sunny-My friend since I was 5 As it says in the title that I have supplied her with, I have known Sunny (or Kathleen as she likes to call herself) since we were 5 and our Dads drank beer together and our Moms were in the Altar-and-Rosary together. She is my oldest friend and part of who I am. We rode our bikes all over town and met many milestones together... like when Chris Cash tried to kiss her in the back of his garage and her mom was calling for her and I pretended like I had no idea where she was, or when we threw her brother's underpants on top of a lamp in his room on vacation and the entire upstairs started to smell like poo, or when we did our Calumet Press paper route together and tossed the papers on people's roofs and in the bushes so that we would just get done quicker. Yep-I love Sunny. She is a liberal... but Congress could learn a lesson from our friendship. We should run the country! Sunny can have California and I'll take the rest of the country. I kid Sunny... you know I am a kidder.

The Pioneer Woman Cooks The Pioneer Woman has no idea who the hell I am because she gets like 5 million comments a day and I am like a fart in the wind to her but I don't care. She is cool and I want to be part of the "in" clique so therefore I link to her so that other people think I am cool by association.

Threedonia-the magnificent 5 or 6... or maybe 7, I'm not sure how many of them there are anymore. I don't remember who these guys are. I know there is a great gal named Wankette that writes for them... but the rest is fuzzy. It is a boys club over there and they humor us ladies simply because they are hairy and smelly and we make them look good. Go check them out, they will welcome you in like the prodigal son and then start a fight with you when you least expect it and make fun of you every chance they get. It is a good time.

So there you have it... my imaginary friends. I am always looking for new friends-and it should be said that I have about 25 applications for friendship in my favorites that I visit, and of course, the 95 of you that have somehow stuck around and not said "This chick is stupid and she has saggy boobs, I am outa here!" I would link to you all if I could, but I like the sidebar to look neat and clean. I also like it to be personal-so until you get personal with me I can't put you up there (although one could argue that The Pioneer Woman has never gotten personal with me, but I explained that already-I want to be cool)

So that is an invitation... get personal, but don't take anything I say personally. Huh?

And Cousin Steve... if you had a blog I would link to you. Seriously. Dude.