I must fill you in on something that I have been doing for the past 6 months or so. I have not mentioned this before because I did not want to scare you or make you say "June, you have turned out to be a tree-hugging hippy."
A while back I decided to start living healthy. I know... what a weird thing to do. Just before Carl left I made a plan that I knew would be easier to put into action with him gone versus trying to instill healthy living with him home.
I gave up meat.
There, I said it. I stopped eating cow, pig, chicken, turkey, and all other creatures. I also cut out soda-but not entirely, I could not sit at a movie theater and eat my popcorn with water could I? That would be insane, so if I am at the movies I get a soda-but that is about it.
Why did I do this? (Yes June why did you, a red-blooded conservative American, decide to go all soft and become a weirdo?) Well, I did it for my health. Honest.
I had this problem where I ate and then I pooped. I know that biologically you are supposed to poop after you eat-if you didn't you would be full of crap, but I used to eat and then have to poop almost immediately after... as in, if I were going out to dinner and then to a movie or shopping, I would have to stop by home and drop the kids off at the pool before I could go on to the next activity. I had to not eat on road trips for fear of roadside toilets. I had to scope out the bathrooms at the mall, Target, the commissary, and even places that had public restrooms within 3.5 miles of my home "just in case" I couldn't make it.
Now, you may be thinking "GROSS!" and that is so very true. It was horrible and I needed to do something about it... and that is why I cut out meat and soda (well, the soda was really just because fish and soda don't go so well together).
Let me tell you, I feel great. My skin is less oily and clear, my stomach no longer clenches and loosens until I run to a bathroom, and my pants started to fit better and then become too big until I had to go down not one, but two pant sizes! Oh-and I have not been sick and neither have my children (who have been forced to survive the test kitchen dishes like "tofu chili" and "mystery bean soup")
Then... Carl came home on leave and he wanted nothing to do with the "no meat" zone that was going on in our house. He says he will be ready to accept it when he returns in the late summer, but for these 2 weeks he wanted to eat all of the crap that he could and savor it for one last hurrah.
So I have gone along with him to restaurants and fast food establishments eating only my salads and seafood and drinking my water and I have not once wished that I could eat the same greasy burger that he was stuffing in his mouth or guzzle the gas inducing soda that he has slurped up at all... until today.
You see... I had a coupon. Damn that coupon! Damn the coupon gods! Damn it! I love to save money and if I have to eat a handmade 1/4 burger from one of our hometown favorite restaurants, well then by golly, I may just do it. It was a buy-one get-one type of coupon, so you can see how my hands were tied.
I ate a burger today and it was delicious. No where did I ever say that I did not like meat, I just realized that it does not like me. (on the list of things that do not like me: meat, Bill Gates, my son's history teacher, and that one mean greeter at WalMart.)
Case in point... 25 minutes after eating that burger I was in the bathroom and had a headache and wanted to take a 3 hour nap to get through the rest of the day.
I suppose I had to prove it to myself that meat does not work with my inner workings, but it is still a little sad that I cannot enjoy a juicy fillet Mignon or a greasy burger... but I will go back to my soy meat and flax seed diet. *big sigh*
Too bad chocolate cake didn't make me sick, or cheesecake, or milk duds, or little Debbie cosmic brownies, or rice crispy treats, or cinnamon rolls. Living healthy would be so much easier if ALL of the good stuff made me feel the instant urge to pull over and find a hole in the ground so that I could poop.
Is this too much information? Maybe.