It is an interesting thing this relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I have to admit that I do not like the person I am when I am around my MIL. I do not like my grudge that I carry as a heavy heavy weight and I do not like the crease I am going to get between my eyes that will age me by 5 years because of the scowl I am sporting. It is not like I do not try and be open, and it is not like I do not try and be nice... but if you knew me you would know that I don't pull off "nice" very well sometimes.
I am a product of two entirely different kinds of people. On one hand you have my father who has always been open with his Irish anger. I remember when I was a kid there was a neighbor that my dad did not get along with. Words were slung regularly and one day my dad even threw a rock at her. He missed. She threw it back at him. She missed. A few hours later they were having a beer on the front porch.
My mother is more subdued with her anger. She will let it sit within her for months until one day a kid (me) would spill some kool-aid and all hell would break lose. Her favorite saying was "GOD BLESS AMERICA!" Her favorite word was "shit"... kind of like mine is "crap." But my mom is not the kind of person that does not like others. She likes everyone-and she talks to everyone.
So within me is this delicate balance of a rock thrower and a anger suppressor. With my MIL, I am an anger suppressor to her and a rock thrower at my husband. I figure that she is old and beyond my reach of altering... my husband on the other hand is very well within my reach of altering and therefore he gets the brunt of my angst.
I am sure much of this is a territorial thing. I suppose if I were a dog I would have pee'd all over my house before she arrived, only to have her pee on everything and then I would have to go back over it all and pee again. You can see it is not a pretty picture.
It makes me wonder if all mother/daughter-in-law relationships are similar. Sure sure you hear those stories of daughter-in-laws who LOVE their mother-in-laws, but I figure those are either urban legends or they live on separate ends of the earth and have never met face to face.
I guess I can be grateful to her for giving birth to my husband-I mean, he is a pretty darn good guy, but if I really sit and think about it, he became great only after I got a hold of him. She had him for the first 17 years of his life and what did he do? Graduate high school? Anybody can do that. I have had him for the last 17 years of his life and look at where he is! All of his accomplishments have come pretty much after he met me.
So I would have to say the score is daughter-in-law: 1