8.31.2007

Survival Training... Day 2

It is an interesting thing this relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. I have to admit that I do not like the person I am when I am around my MIL. I do not like my grudge that I carry as a heavy heavy weight and I do not like the crease I am going to get between my eyes that will age me by 5 years because of the scowl I am sporting. It is not like I do not try and be open, and it is not like I do not try and be nice... but if you knew me you would know that I don't pull off "nice" very well sometimes.

I am a product of two entirely different kinds of people. On one hand you have my father who has always been open with his Irish anger. I remember when I was a kid there was a neighbor that my dad did not get along with. Words were slung regularly and one day my dad even threw a rock at her. He missed. She threw it back at him. She missed. A few hours later they were having a beer on the front porch.

My mother is more subdued with her anger. She will let it sit within her for months until one day a kid (me) would spill some kool-aid and all hell would break lose. Her favorite saying was "GOD BLESS AMERICA!" Her favorite word was "shit"... kind of like mine is "crap." But my mom is not the kind of person that does not like others. She likes everyone-and she talks to everyone.

So within me is this delicate balance of a rock thrower and a anger suppressor. With my MIL, I am an anger suppressor to her and a rock thrower at my husband. I figure that she is old and beyond my reach of altering... my husband on the other hand is very well within my reach of altering and therefore he gets the brunt of my angst.

I am sure much of this is a territorial thing. I suppose if I were a dog I would have pee'd all over my house before she arrived, only to have her pee on everything and then I would have to go back over it all and pee again. You can see it is not a pretty picture.

It makes me wonder if all mother/daughter-in-law relationships are similar. Sure sure you hear those stories of daughter-in-laws who LOVE their mother-in-laws, but I figure those are either urban legends or they live on separate ends of the earth and have never met face to face.

I guess I can be grateful to her for giving birth to my husband-I mean, he is a pretty darn good guy, but if I really sit and think about it, he became great only after I got a hold of him. She had him for the first 17 years of his life and what did he do? Graduate high school? Anybody can do that. I have had him for the last 17 years of his life and look at where he is! All of his accomplishments have come pretty much after he met me.

So I would have to say the score is daughter-in-law: 1

Mother-in-law: 0

9 comments:

Kasia said...

Hmm. Well, I'm not actually married yet, but I absolutely love my boyfriend's mother. She's a lot like me, only less angsty. However, much as I love her, I don't know how I'd feel about her living with me, my hypothetical husband, and our hypothetical kids for a week...all I know is it'd be way better than MY mother doing so!

:-) Keep your chin up - you've got a Lt. Col. and booze to keep you going! And it could be worse: a friend of mine has a friend whose husband is just coming back on leave from Iraq for a couple of weeks. They have two days alone together, and then his mother is coming to visit. They're trying to start a family. I say, pray she's ovulating during those two days before the MIL arrives!! (And YOU can pray you're ovulating WHILE your MIL is in town!)

Cris said...

HA HA HA ~That was a good one Kasia! You are too quick sometimes. I guess I should look at the positive, having my MIL here is much like a form of birth control.

Momto5Minnies said...

I think I understand this post completely.

Aside from some physcial attributes, I cannot for the life of me see how my husband is connected to his family. They are so different ... values, ways, etc.

chestertonian said...

It makes me wonder if all mother/daughter-in-law relationships are similar.

Ha, you ought to talk to my wife. she bears my mom a grudge that goes back to before we even started dating. I told her that you had changed the theme music on your blog to the Jaws theme in honor of your MIL's visit, and she clenched her fist and said, "Yes!" LOL! So yeah, I'd guess that this isn't so uncommon.

kristi said...

Yeah, I don't understand my mother in law either. We simply tolerate one another and not very well at that!

angelasustala said...

The music is PRICELESS! (Perfect for a MIL visit, too, I might add!)

Matilda said...

It makes me wonder if all mother/daughter-in-law relationships are similar.

Uh-huh!

Jen said...

I can totally relate to the MIL/Beloved wife fight for supremacy. It took us years to reach a truce. But we did. Albeit an uneasy one, a truce it was.

Not to bring down the vibe, but my MIL sadly and unexpectedly passed away 2 weeks ago. And something completely unexpected happened to me....I really,really miss her. Not that I thought I wouldn't, but the depth of feeling surprised me alot. Like you said, she did bring the man I love into the world.

Anyway...I really enjoy your blog...it's hilarious. :) I've passed it on to a few other moms who I knew would enjoy it. Keep it up. :)

Momma of 2 said...

Too funny.
I'm just glad my MIL lives an hour away. Far enough for her not to "drop by" but close enough so we can get her to babysit from time to time. A nice arms length :)