8.09.2007

Diet... Has The Word "DIE" In It For A Reason!

So my husband is being promoted at the end of this month. I am very proud of him, oh who am I kidding? I am very excited for the pay raise! A few days ago I realized that we would be taking photos at this promotion ceremony and the body I am sporting right now would forever be preserved for all to see for generations and worse... when he retires, there may very well be a neat little slide show documenting all of his accomplishments, and I would be on that slide show with my frumpy haircut and my saggy body for all to gasp at. I could not let this happen!

I was nursing Mary Claire one morning and watching the infomercials. I love infomercials... nowhere else can you find a liquid that could take out blood from a carpet like you can on infomercials. It is where all serial killers shop. I came upon a infomercial called "Slim in 6." Have you heard of this? Apparently if I do this routine I will be slim in 6 weeks. Then they started showing before and after pictures and I got all excited... and to top it off, they had a supermodel claim that she herself had used this system after having her child and look at where she is now-she is a sex symbol and raking in the dough with each magazine spread! How could I NOT buy this product??? I went directly to my computer and ordered it. I felt like I was well on the way to a slimmer me-I was pumped!

It took a few days for it to arrive in the mail so my excitement and motivation had diminished a bit-especially since I love to watch the Food Network and Paula Deen is happily plump eating whatever her heart desires. She was just as happy as that supermodel on the infomercial was. I was in a pickle... do I eat and be happy, or diet and be cranky until I am a supermodel. Oh the dilemma!

Well I have taken on this challenge and have banished all thing yummy from my daily eating. I now dine on egg whites and cottage cheese most of the day... oh and lettuce. I eat plain chicken breasts and brussel sprouts. I have broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, and flax seed. No where does it say I can eat any of those damn donut holes we have in the fridge just sitting there tormenting me!

I am also working out in my family room to a DVD where the girls keeps saying "You're Doing Soooo Good!" as if she can see me. I think it is funny when she tells me how hard I am working when I am just standing there watching HER do the squats while I sip on my water.

I am sure to close the blinds before I start this workout-I don't need the neighbors seeing me lunging and squatting and such. It is not a pretty picture. Maybe when I look like the supermodel I will do the workout on my back patio, but right now I feel better if the blinds are securely tight.

I also refuse to do the workout while my husband is home. I have not even told him about my DIEt. If I do then he will ask each and every mother loving day if I have worked out and if I have eaten all of the right things. He thinks he is being supportive, I think he is being judgemental.

I am 2 days into my 6 weeks and when I started I promised I would not jump on the scale for an entire week. This is hard for me because I am a scale whore. I jump on my scale probably 5 times a day--just to see what my weight is. I would check myself into a psychiatric ward for evaluation if this daily dance with my scale were making me STOP eating, but I really don't give a crap what the scale reads... I just have to step on it a few times a day to satisfy my OCD.

I will let you know how I do at the end of the 6 weeks. My posts may be a little cranky and "woman on the edge-ish" from lack of potato chips, but I am sure you will understand. I already warned my children... my husband, well I think I am going to let him deal with his wife's "unexplained" mood because in the end he will be lovin' my smokin' hot supermodel body!

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

You'd best get the Food Network disconnected from your cable service! You were in true form on this entry!
Love ya from Nebraska.

Biddy said...

i have had the number to slim in 6 in my cell phone for like a year. i'm anxious to see how it works for you and maybe i'll finally put that phone number to use!

Dana said...

I hope you do better than I did. I quit going to the gym after 2 days. Good luck!

Sister Mary Martha said...

Stressed is desserts spelled backwards.

Special K ~Toni said...

I almost ordered that also! Can't wait for your review!

Congrats on hubbys promotion!