The Rules Of The Game Are This... Drink.

Apparently I have an innate talent. Even after months or years of not practicing this talent, I am able to display this talent again and be victorious. I am talking about the rare talent of being shit hot at drinking games.

Last night our new neighbors had a "Stock the Bar" party. This is the type of party where you invite everyone you know and ask them to bring liquor to drink and basically give you a well stocked bar for little to no cash. It is a great idea, although you will end of with bottles of "Fighting Cock" or "Dirty Housewife" liquor... it is a risk that you have to take.

When I was younger, drinking games were a way of life-cheap entertainment if you will. It also offered a quick buzz off of cheap beer. Ahhh... college life. As I got older drinking games were replaced with gambling games such as "Left Right Center" or Poker. It was harder to get a quick buzz off of the gambling games because they did not offer you the incentive to drink the cup of beer that the quarter fell into in 3 seconds flat. No, gambling games just made you lose all of the dollars in your wallet which meant I would have to write a check to our babysitter instead of paying her cash.

Our new neighbors are young... as in they are still in their 20's. They still play drinking games. The husband is a police officer and it became crystal clear that police officers do not need to be young in order to play drinking games. They just need to be breathing. Oh the stories these cops were telling~you would be amazed at some of the things that people do to get out of getting a ticket. June Cleaver advice-do not cry when a cop stops you. All of the police officers in attendance last night said that crying was an automatic ticket... as is showing your breast. Dang!

Anyway, we start playing this game called "Flip it" where there are two teams and basically you have to go down a line and drink your beer (while everyone is screaming at you to CHUG CHUG CHUG) and then you have to set the cup on the table and flip it so that it land upside down. Sounds easy... not so much. By the end of the first game I was a cup flipping expert. I was the ace in the hole for my team... the pinch hitter... the fourth batter... the champ.

Then we played a game called "pong" where you have two teams and you have to toss a ping pong ball into the other teams cups. If you make it, they drink. I have MAD SKILLZ with this game. I could do it with my eyes closed-but if I closed my eyes I lost my balance so for safety sake I kept them open. The special moment of the night was when I made the final toss for a victory and my husband yelled from across the room with great pride "THAT'S MY WIFE!" Obviously cooking, cleaning, birthing... these are not as impressive to my husband as my pong performance.

It was really funny drinking with all of the neighbors. One neighbor I did not recognize because he was not pushing a lawn mower... but we connected and became life long friends. It is amazing what chugging Budweiser (blech) beer can do for neighborly relations.

The best game we played was the one that the police administered as you were walking out of the door. It is called a BREATHALYZER! Yes... that was so much fun! We all took turns blowing into the little machine that told us what our alcohol level was. I am pleased to report that I was wayyyy under the limit, which mean I have not lost my high tolerance for alcohol (thank you Irish heritage) or those drinking games make you THINK you are drunk when really I was just on a "I am out of the house and away from my children and I fit into a pair of jeans and I spray tanned and have a cute top on and feel pretty damn good about myself tonight" king of punch drunk.

Either way it was fun. I needed some fun. So the next time you get stopped by a cop for doing 45 in a school zone ask him if he knows how to play pong. I bet you get off on a warning.


Biddy said...

*snort* i knew i liked you! oh the memories...i haven't played beer pong in a long time!

Dana said...

I've never played pong, but just last month, I completely kicked my husbands butt at quarters!

Mary Poppins NOT said...

My husband knew I was the one for him when I drank a yard of beer in one lift of the glass. No, I did not puke. It's the Eastern European in me that allows me such prowess with the large quantity of alcohol. Shhh. Don't tell anyone.

Cris said...

I won't tell anyone Mary... you are still innocent in my eyes you lush!