Thank God I Do This With A Safety Net...

I need to publicly apologize to my husband. I have been so hormonal since our wee one came along that I am sure that living with me has been like living with Rosanne Barr for him. Horrible.
I can't help it, and I don't know why I choose to take all of my anger out on him... well, actually I do know why I chose him. It is because he gets to leave this house everyday. He gets to be part of the land of the living. I am here-with children-some using me for food-others using me for entertainment value alone (let's see how long we can drive mom crazy until she breaks!)

I have always tried to be nice and kind to my husband. I like to think that I keep our life happy enough that he wants to come back for more. I am sure lately he dreads coming home. I wonder if he is like those people you see at rush hour who drive 5 miles UNDER the speed limit because the thought of going home is just too overwhelming for them and so they cause all the other people on the highway to have road rage. I do not want my husband pulled from his car and beaten people... I want him to speed home to me!

I can't help it though-these hormones are playing havoc in my life. Where once stood a slim, confident, attractive and funny woman now stands a saggy, droopy, poopy smelling mom who's head will start to spin around the moment her husband walks through the door each night. It is like I am saving it all up for him-because seriously, who else can I vent all of my frustrations on? He is it. He is the receiver of my angst. He is the catcher to my wild pitches. He is the Mary Jo Buttafuoco to my Amy Fisher.

So I apologize babe. I can't help it right now and if you just give me a little patience and the occasional Miller Lite, I promise your wife will return soon. You know the wife I am talking about... not the one that you had 14 years ago who wore thong panties and shaved her legs everyday. No, I am sorry but that wife is long gone buddy. I am talking about the wife who gets a shower in everyday and does not want to run screaming from this house each night at 6pm. The one who still thinks you are sexy--love handles and all.


Kasia said...

I'm not sure, but I think that was almost romantic. :-p

Shauna said...

I love the way you ended that.

And remind him of your crazed hormonal state the next time he wants to knock you up!

moosh in indy. said...

This could be copied and pasted into every blog of any woman who's ever stayed home with kids while their husbands get to go out and use grown up words and potty by themselves.
Thanks dawl.

dw said...

I so needed to read that today! Sometimes my dh seems to think I'm crazy because there are days when I fall apart when he comes home. Especially the days when I know that he is just home to eat dinner & then has to leave again for a meeting. If there is anything in the world that can drive a mama crazy, it is having dh come home, eat dinner, & then leave again. I can barely stand it one night per week. If it happens more than once I can guarantee you I will turn into a Wife-zilla. It's just the fact of the matter.
And then if you throw some hormones into the mix, heads are gonna roll.
Sometimes I really wish we lived back in the old days where life was more community based & mamas would have neighbors to chat with over the fence or to have over for tea during the baby's nap. It would certainly make a difference for me! Especially on those hormonal days.

Toni said...

The ending was fabulous!

kristi said...

We all have hormonal days. It was especially hard when my babies were first born because of almost no sleep! Hang in there.