Sooo, how has your Christmas Break been going so far? That bad eh? Mine too... oh now, it hasn't been all that bad. I can safely say that the American Economy may have taken a turn for the better because I started shopping last week and have not been able to stop. Why? I don't know... if I knew, I would stop, but since I do not know... I will continue.
Maybe I am trying to fill a void... I'm not sure.
Christmas without Carl was hard... and that is about all I want to say on that topic.
Let's move onto something else shall we? How about Christmas with my mother-in-law? That is right... I said it. My mother-in-law has been spending the Christmas holiday with us. I don't know how she found our house... I told her that we still lived in Virginia, but one day she just showed up on our doorstep with a suitcase full of cilantro and pinto beans.
Well, maybe that isn't the way it happened. It was all your fault actually, with all of your comments and niceties that made me soft. I am used to being a little more irritated and angry, but you people have made me weak and vulnerable. So stop it will you? Please, I prefer sarcasm to nice, edgy to sweet. If you can't say something that will make me more cynical, then please do not say anything at all... I'm kidding. No I'm not.
I bought my mother-in-law a plane ticket a few weeks ago so that she could spend the Holiday with us.
So that she wouldn't be alone on Christmas.
So that she could be a distraction for me and my own pity party.
So that she could play with the little people who are out of school for almost three stinkin' weeks!
So far is has been going rather smoothly... other than the fact that I have been permanently planted on the toilet. It could be because she has reintroduced my body to a diet of oil and oil, and a little lard, and the occasional dollop of poison. Did I mention oil? But that mysterious spot I had on the middle of my back has disappeared so she must be telling me the truth when she says she is a witch. Hmmm.
The kids have been doing well... if you don't pay attention to the whining, the lack of sharing and the overall greediness that Christmas has brought. Ahhh, tis the season. Maybe they are hard to handle because I am on my period... and my mother-in-law is in my kitchen... and my checkbook has run out of checks so that means that I must have run out of money... and my little sister gave me cocktail napkins for Christmas that say "Diet, another way to say Did I Eat That?"
Now I have to start thinking of New Years Resolutions. Maybe I should resolve to not resolve anything. Maybe I should resolve to gain weight... that one I could keep!
Anyway, I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. Mine was really good once the vodka kicked in... and the Benedryl too. Oh stop... the Benedryl was for my mother-in-law, not the children. The vodka was for the kids.
I just had pie.