UGH! Here it is... the letter. The one that I know my relatives have mixed feelings about. My parents cringe when it comes in the mail never knowing what I may divulge about them and my sisters have asked me to please take them off of my mailing list-but I think the rest of my relatives and friends LOVE it! Especially Cousin Steve... he and I both find enjoyment in making fun of old people (our parents) and harassing people who think they are better than us (our siblings). Aunt Barb just sits silently by hoping that I don't notice her and let everyone know about her fascination with Chubby Checker.... I see you Aunt Barb, but you are safe this year.
If you are fortunate enough to be on my mailing list, well than STOP READING NOW, you'll ruin the surprise in your mailbox!
I have sent this letter off to Carl for his approval (HAHAHAHA... I crack myself up! His "approval" HAHAHAHA) I'll find out if he thinks I should send it out by tomorrow... I won't let him know that I've already mailed them.
Enjoy (some names have been changed to protect the innocent from pesky terrorists)
Merry Christmas 2008!
My mother told me not to start my Christmas letter out this year by telling you what a pain it is to do… she also told me that boxed wine is a wonderful addition to any refrigerator, so I’m not sure if I should listen to her or not!
I have decided to write two letters this year; a really good one that will go to the people who understand my sense of humor and a boring one to people who don’t—you’ll know which category you fall into if you laugh at any part of this letter, and chances are if you don’t laugh you will be so offended that you’ll never want to hear from me again and then I won’t have to make so many copies of this darn letter that is a monkey on my back each December! (Sorry ma, I tried… I really did!)
Let’s see… where should I start? How about the fact that Carl "****" is on the other side of the world (want to know which version of this letter he is going to get?). Just this past August the kids and I stood at the end of a runway and waved good-bye to him. He is the Director of Operations for the *******, for you civilians out there, that means I am married to the bomb, for you military folk you know exactly what that means and referring to my husband as “the bomb” will offer you years of practical jokes and nicknames for him. Glad I could help.
This is a year-long deployment so he will not be home until August 2009. He is heading our way for 2 weeks in January, but I am not about to tell you the exact dates; you should know by the fireworks that you see coming from Nebraska. That’s right… I said it. I will update you on his January visit in next year’s Christmas letter… that is if you are not already offended.
How are we surviving? That is what everyone asks me and my answer is simple… cereal and alcohol. Enough said.
The kids are doing great, but that is because it is December and they think they will come away with a haul considering I should feel sorry for them because their dad is not here to spend the Holiday with us. Wrong. I spent many a Christmas with my father asleep on the couch for 14 hours and I didn’t get any extra presents. Fair is fair. I turned out alright… I think.
Hope is in the eighth grade now-can you believe it? She made it! Yes! I knew she would because she knows it all and thinks I don’t know anything. She is still riding and playing basketball and we are grateful that the police just gave her a stern warning for that cherry bomb she set in the restroom at Applebee’s. I blame her parochial schooling.
Aaron has made it through the year without one single visit to the Principal’s office. His father and I are so proud. He is still playing baseball and received his black belt in Tae Kwon Do this past spring. We did not install an alarm system in our house for the simple fact that I now live with a trained killer… he can wax on/wax off like nobody’s business!
Emma is driving her Kindergarten teacher crazy-which is fine with me because I had five years of it… I needed a break! We discovered that Em loves to swim and she can hold her breathe just like Michael Phelps… but her ears are not near as big as his. I actually really miss my sweet girl during the day and I have had to turn to soap operas in order to get my fill of drama around here.
Little Mary is the perfect child. She does not talk back, she naps, she sleeps all night, and never ever complains about what outfit I pick out for her to wear… but she still won’t sit happily during Mass and I had to go ask our priest if he could offer confessions AFTER Mass instead of BEFORE. He told me no, but then I said “What would Jesus Do?” and we now have a standing appointment every Sunday after 10:30 a.m.
My parents are still growing old in Atlanta and my sisters are still married with children. Carl’s mom is still wearing her pantyhose with shorts, his brother is still his twin and looks nothing like him, and his sister is still holding down the fort in ****** Indiana. All is well and we are blessed to have them in our lives, I am not sure they feel the same about us.
All kidding aside, we pray that you have a wonderful Christmas and remember that Christ was one child Who knew more than His parents… yet He still obeyed them!
As they say in Ireland on Christmas “May peace and plenty be the first to lift the latch on your door, and happiness be guided to your home by the candle of Christmas.”