Christmas Letter 2008

UGH! Here it is... the letter. The one that I know my relatives have mixed feelings about. My parents cringe when it comes in the mail never knowing what I may divulge about them and my sisters have asked me to please take them off of my mailing list-but I think the rest of my relatives and friends LOVE it! Especially Cousin Steve... he and I both find enjoyment in making fun of old people (our parents) and harassing people who think they are better than us (our siblings). Aunt Barb just sits silently by hoping that I don't notice her and let everyone know about her fascination with Chubby Checker.... I see you Aunt Barb, but you are safe this year.

If you are fortunate enough to be on my mailing list, well than STOP READING NOW, you'll ruin the surprise in your mailbox!

I have sent this letter off to Carl for his approval (HAHAHAHA... I crack myself up! His "approval" HAHAHAHA) I'll find out if he thinks I should send it out by tomorrow... I won't let him know that I've already mailed them.

Enjoy (some names have been changed to protect the innocent from pesky terrorists)

Merry Christmas 2008!

My mother told me not to start my Christmas letter out this year by telling you what a pain it is to do… she also told me that boxed wine is a wonderful addition to any refrigerator, so I’m not sure if I should listen to her or not!

I have decided to write two letters this year; a really good one that will go to the people who understand my sense of humor and a boring one to people who don’t—you’ll know which category you fall into if you laugh at any part of this letter, and chances are if you don’t laugh you will be so offended that you’ll never want to hear from me again and then I won’t have to make so many copies of this darn letter that is a monkey on my back each December! (Sorry ma, I tried… I really did!)

Let’s see… where should I start? How about the fact that Carl "****" is on the other side of the world (want to know which version of this letter he is going to get?). Just this past August the kids and I stood at the end of a runway and waved good-bye to him. He is the Director of Operations for the *******, for you civilians out there, that means I am married to the bomb, for you military folk you know exactly what that means and referring to my husband as “the bomb” will offer you years of practical jokes and nicknames for him. Glad I could help.

This is a year-long deployment so he will not be home until August 2009. He is heading our way for 2 weeks in January, but I am not about to tell you the exact dates; you should know by the fireworks that you see coming from Nebraska. That’s right… I said it. I will update you on his January visit in next year’s Christmas letter… that is if you are not already offended.

How are we surviving? That is what everyone asks me and my answer is simple… cereal and alcohol. Enough said.

The kids are doing great, but that is because it is December and they think they will come away with a haul considering I should feel sorry for them because their dad is not here to spend the Holiday with us. Wrong. I spent many a Christmas with my father asleep on the couch for 14 hours and I didn’t get any extra presents. Fair is fair. I turned out alright… I think.

Hope is in the eighth grade now-can you believe it? She made it! Yes! I knew she would because she knows it all and thinks I don’t know anything. She is still riding and playing basketball and we are grateful that the police just gave her a stern warning for that cherry bomb she set in the restroom at Applebee’s. I blame her parochial schooling.

Aaron has made it through the year without one single visit to the Principal’s office. His father and I are so proud. He is still playing baseball and received his black belt in Tae Kwon Do this past spring. We did not install an alarm system in our house for the simple fact that I now live with a trained killer… he can wax on/wax off like nobody’s business!

Emma is driving her Kindergarten teacher crazy-which is fine with me because I had five years of it… I needed a break! We discovered that Em loves to swim and she can hold her breathe just like Michael Phelps… but her ears are not near as big as his. I actually really miss my sweet girl during the day and I have had to turn to soap operas in order to get my fill of drama around here.

Little Mary is the perfect child. She does not talk back, she naps, she sleeps all night, and never ever complains about what outfit I pick out for her to wear… but she still won’t sit happily during Mass and I had to go ask our priest if he could offer confessions AFTER Mass instead of BEFORE. He told me no, but then I said “What would Jesus Do?” and we now have a standing appointment every Sunday after 10:30 a.m.

My parents are still growing old in Atlanta and my sisters are still married with children. Carl’s mom is still wearing her pantyhose with shorts, his brother is still his twin and looks nothing like him, and his sister is still holding down the fort in ****** Indiana. All is well and we are blessed to have them in our lives, I am not sure they feel the same about us.

All kidding aside, we pray that you have a wonderful Christmas and remember that Christ was one child Who knew more than His parents… yet He still obeyed them!

As they say in Ireland on Christmas “May peace and plenty be the first to lift the latch on your door, and happiness be guided to your home by the candle of Christmas.”

Happy Christmas!


Crunchy Christian Mom said...

I love it! (I'm so glad I found your blog.) Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

You don't know me, but I wanted to thank you for blogging. I LOVE reading about your life! My husband was an F-18 pilot in the Navy, killed Jan. 2006 when his jet went down during a routine training mission. THANK YOU and your husband for all you do/are doing for our country.

Merry Christmas!

june cleaver said...

Anon... no, thank you my friend. I am humbled...

Merry Christmas

Anonymous said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.



TRO said...

You have an eighth grader? No way.

God I am older than I thought.

Stupid Fat Hobbit said...

Well done June. I plan to write my letter in the bathroom tomorrow morning. If my legs go numb before I finish, it's too long.

I agree, these letters can be a pain in the a** but then again, there are those people who don't get to enjoy the presence of our company all year long and really should understand what they missed out on.

God bless you and all your family this Christmas season.

Monkey Face said...

Thank you so much for many laughs and tears. You're a great writer and I'm in awe of your talent.

God bless you and your family and may He keep you all safe and healthy throughout the new year.

Heather said...

I love your letter!

Denise said...

Your letter is hilarious! I hope January comes quickly for you so you can visit with your Hubby.

Merry Christmas!

Anonymous said...

I love you! And thanks for mentioning me in the first paragraph, I feel so special!
Hey, I saw Matthew in "10 ways to lose a boyfriend" last night...swoon! Thought to call you but couldn't take my eyes off the screen...
I got a note from Carl. We will be sending him a Christmas card shortly.
Take care and hugs and kisses to all.
Aunt Barbara

Alicia said...

I LOVE your Christmas letter!! I almost choked on my mcnugget when I read about your son's efficiency in waxing. Hilarious!! Makes me wish I was related to you so that I could get a letter every December.

Seriously...anybody in your family adopting?

june cleaver said...

TRO, yes I have an 8th grader who is about to turn 14! But, I had her when I was 7 so cheer up, you aren't as old as you think you are.


TRO said...

BTW, my youngest son - 13 - tests for his Black Belt in TKD this summer.

CJ said...

FUNNY! My Christmas letter is done, but after reading yours it's just blah, blah, blah....

I'm sorry you are unable to spend Christmas with your husband. I appreciate the sacrifice towards his own family in order to keep mine safe.


Anna B. said...

Great letter... Thanks for the laughs

cover letter samples said...

I LOVE your Christmas letter!!

Urban Mom said...

I blew off the letter this year, but now I regret it. I feel so inspired after reading yours. Too funny! So, um, what happens when your husband finally can read the real version? Or does he ever get informed that there is another version?


Rebecca said...

ROTFLMAO!!!! Oh that's awesome, I'm glad that we got to see your funny letter. :D I feel the need to edit mine before mailing it out, it's always "Merry Christmas, our kids are cute, have a good one!" (read: boring)