Do you ever have those thoughts that something bad "might" happen? I have a problem with paranoia. I can't help it-it takes over my body and I start to panic. These are not typical panic attacks that would merit a trip to the Psychiatrist and a prescription to alleviate such paranoia... it is just your typical "I think too much" paranoia. Although, it would be nice to take a little medication to calm down now and then, maybe get a nap in... but I will never openly admit that!
This morning I had to take our van into the dealer because I could not get it into gear D2, D3 and so on. This really didn't bother me as I was able to put it in reverse and drive... what are D2 and D3 used for anyway? My husband thought it was something that needed to be fixed so that meant that I had to take the van in. I truly wonder some days if he just sits around and says "What can I do to make my wife crazy... I know! I'll tell her she has to take the van in for maintenance... she LOVES that kind of stuff!"
As I was laying in bed last night thinking of taking the car in, I started to panic at the thought that I would have to take the Courtesy Van back to our house. This meant that I would have to be in a vehicle with a person (probably a man) of whom I did not know. My children would be left at home for the hour that I would be away and so I started thinking "What if this is a maniac serial killer that is driving this Courtesy Van?" And so the paranoia began... I kept wondering what kind of background checks Honda does on their Courtesy Van drivers.
When my husband is out of town, I worry about an ax murderer coming into our house at night and will lay in bed listening intently to odd noises. "WHAT WAS THAT?" goes through my mind as I hear the house settle around me.
I don't fret over little things such as whether or not it will simply rain, no I worry that it will rain so much that the sewers will back up into our house. I worry not so much that I have a mosquito bite, but I do worry about the West Nile virus.
When we are on the second floor of the mall, or at a hospital and they have those stupid railings that are made out of glass so that you can see down to the level below, I worry that they will break or come lose and a person will go tumbling down. I can't help it-I worry, I am paranoid, and I panic.
The only good thing about my personality is that I am so laid back (read: lazy) that this paranoia is only in my head and by the time I think of doing something about it... it would entail just too much energy on my part so I just say "Ah, it'll be OK-if an ax murderer actually does make his way into my house, I will just deal with it then." Thankfully, this scenario has yet to play out so I have not had to open my Can O' Whoop Ass on an unsuspecting maniac in my home.
This morning as I was driving to the car dealer, I started thinking about the serial killer who would be driving me home in the Courtesy Van, but it was so early in the morning that I could no longer be bothered with my paranoia. I was tired (from laying awake worrying) and I was hungry (because I am pregnant and have to eat every 12.4 minutes). When I reached the dealership, the nice girl who took care of me simply informed me that I had been trying to get the car into gear in an improper fashion. She demonstrated to me how to do it correctly and I was on my way back home, in my own van within a matter of minutes.
The serial killers will have to go back to bed and wait for another day to hunt me down. Today I was saved!