My husband took the day off of work today-I don't know why, he just felt like having a day off I guess. He works hard so a day off here and there on a Friday is much appreciated.
His original plan was to go golfing, but when he woke up it was raining out so he had to change his plan. As I have said before, my husband is nesting. He wants everything in order for when the baby comes, so he suggested that he and I go to the commissary together... without children... and even get some Taco Bell! He was accurate in pointing out that our cupboards were so bare that Mother Hubbard would have to fry up the dog rather than looking for a lonely bone for the poor thing. I agreed and I was excited at the prospect of a couple of hours alone with my guy. My heart was a flutter and I was giddy with sexual desire. Hey, I am about to give birth here-I am like a 15 year old boy pulling his mom's Victoria's Secret magazine out of the mailbox-I have no control.
Now, my husband and I go to the commissary (grocery store for all of you civilians out there) a lot together, but lately I have been doing it solo or with my son. I can zip through the aisles faster than a race car driver and get in and out of that place in no time. Today, shopping with my husband I realized why I had decided to start going it alone the last few months... he is soooo slow! It is like shopping with my mother-and if you knew my mother you would know that she does nothing in a speed faster than a turtle... a turtle who recently had hip replacement. My mom has always been slow and that is just the way she rolls... slow. I on the other hand have to do things fast. I have to talk fast, type fast, do the dishes fast, shower fast, and even walk fast. The only one who has me beat on my fast speed is my older sister, but I chalk that up to the fact that her legs are about 2 inches longer than mine and she just takes longer strides.
Anyway... my husband was getting on my last nerve at the store, and seeing as I am about to drop this baby from my loins, she is so low that she is resting on my sciatic nerve-so having my husband on my last nerve and this baby on my sciatic nerve made for a very frustrating shopping trip.
He had to read every stinking label! He had to comparison shop! He had to stop and chat with the senior citizen in the olive oil aisle about the Vin numbers on the back of the bottle in comparison to the Vin number on the shelf label! He kept suggesting foods that I never buy and by the time we were finished, not only did I spend $60 more than my usual grocery run, but I wanted to rip out the ad in the back of the Star magazine for the divorce lawyer/exotic dancer!
But all was forgiven and forgotten when we were able to enjoy our fancy lunch of Chalupas and Empanadas. I looked across the sticky table for two that only has enough room for a one-armed person and all of my sexual desires came rushing back. It is Friday, my husband has the day off, I am eating a Chalupa, and I am feeling frisky. It doesn't get any better than that!