4.04.2007

Pick ME! Pick ME!

OK, so I love to watch the Bachelor. I am not sure why because I get so pissed off every stinking time I view an episode, but I keep coming back to it-I just HAVE to know who will get proposed to in the end... I then open up a betting pool to see how long they will actually stay together-it pays for our mortgage every year, seriously!

I am always amazed at the people they chose to be on the Bachelor. I mean seriously... there has to be some kind of dysfunctional baggage that they are hiding if the Bachelor is good looking, physically fit, educated, a millionaire and knits baby booties in his spare time for little orphans in Nepal, yet he somehow has not managed to snag himself a wife on his own. Hmmmm-he probably has a horror for a mother and a drunk for a father and a brother like George Clinton who is in and out of jail-but they just hide that part of his life behind door number 3.

I always like the first episode. I sit and yell at the TV "LIFE IF NOT LIKE THIS!" I have never walked into a room and had up to 25 people wanting all of my attentions. As far as I know, this has never happened to my husband either-so the size of the ego that Mr. Bachelor must develop in this show is being studied by all reputable psychologists around the world I am sure. Personally, I believe that if he was not a jerk before the first episode... my guess is that his male jerk-gene will rear it's ugly head very soon, and they display this by letting him reject 10 of the lovely ladies who have dolled themselves up swearing their love and devotion to him.

Like the cigarette ad says "You've Come a Long Way Baby!" but apparently not long enough! The producers of this show do a fabulous job at searching the earth for beautiful women who have also found the cure for cancer-but have no self-esteem. Again I say that there must be some dysfunctional "my ex-boyfriend made me wear a french maid outfit" baggage happening there. Basically we are watching two beautiful people with emotional baggage try to fall in love on the television and survive. Not gonna happen people.

If I had met my husband and he said to me, "Look, I think you are great and I would love to kiss and hug you and take you on dates to exotic places... but I have these 24 other women who I am seeing as well." I would have been out of there faster than a speeding bullet! They have got it all wrong here... men are the competitive ones, not women. Women like to be the center of a man's universe (or at least made to feel that way) not jumping up and down trying to get his attention. This is why there are so many cat-fights on the Bachelor. They make these women revert back to junior high behavior.

As far as I know, the only couple to have survived a Bachelor show is Trista and Ryan-and that was the Bachelorette. This is because Trista had all attentions placed on her and Ryan was able to be the victor in the competition for her heart. He can probably care less about the other guys-because he won! He was able to mark his territory and felt like the hero. Women are different. We remember the other girls and that pisses us off. I admit it, I still will see red at the slightest mention of the girl my husband was seeing before he met me. Women do not want to be in competition-it is not a fun game to fight over a man. We want the man to come to the mill that we are working at in his full Military Dress Whites and sweep us off of our feet-making a spectacle of his admiration for us and us alone for all the other women to witness. We want to say "nah nah nah nah nah--he loves ME and only ME!" We do not want the other women thinking "sure, he picked you, but he kissed me, and her, and that girl, and even that girl over there... so big deal if he chose you-you can have those sloppy seconds!"

So, my prediction is that this Bachelor will kiss all the girls, make many of them cry at his rejection, make even more of them pull each other's hair and call each other names and he may even send a few to the psychiatric ward for evaluation. He will propose to someone in the end... and they will announce their split after all of the morning talk shows have them on as guests. It is what good TV is made of!

1 comment:

Suburban Oblivion said...

Hilarious!!! I haven't watched since season 3, but you seem to have it pegged. This crap would SO not fly in real life!