4.24.2007

Deodorant OCD

Random thought #1

I believe I have Deodorant Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I buy Secret Invisible Solid... but it is never invisible. Almost every time I put on this stinking deodorant, I get white marks on my shirt. I have tried the inside-out-roll-out technique when putting on my shirts, but I still get the white runs down my side. I have tried switching brands of deodorant, but none keep me BO-free quite like Secret does. I think I have cracked the code on my white marks...

Maybe I put too much on.

Each morning when I get out of the shower I count as I put on the deodorant.
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 on the left...
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10,11,12 on the right...
then I have to go back to the left...
11,12,13... 13? UGH! Now I have to go back to the right...
13,14...
ARGH! Back to the left...
14!

I can have anywhere from 12 to 17 wipes under my pits on any given day. I think this may be deodorant overkill. I do not know why I need to have the same amount on each side... for fear of one pit smelling through 12 wipes versus the other not smelling through the 13 it received? Maybe I love my pits like I love my kids-equally. I do not want to show favoritism.

In any case, I think I am putting too much on so the "invisible protection" is overruled. Do people really only put 4 or 5 wipes on each pit? I do not know... but I am not willing to take my chances with a measly 4 or 5 wipes and end up smelling like dirty laundry.

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Random Thought #2

I have not been watching the Bachelor this season because, well he is in too good of shape for me. It is ridiculous! Do these girls not know what they are getting themselves into? Do they not know that life is much more pleasant if you fall in love with a man who has love handles and a little gut rather than a man who has more muscles than the statue of David?

I am thinking that working out is the Bachelor's main source of relaxation and entertainment. I am also willing to bet that he follows a very strict diet-a "NO FUN" diet. I can tell you that he probably expects the same level of commitment from the person he dates. That means no Dairy Queen M&M Blizzards for dinner. That means no laying on the couch for an entire Saturday afternoon and watching 5 movies while eating nachos and popcorn. That means no cake, cookies, cupcakes, candy, chips, or Milk Duds.

These poor girls are going to stress themselves out completely trying to keep up with this Iron Man and in the end they will find themselves hiding in the back of a closet stuffing a Honey Bun in their mouth for a little relief.

June Cleaver rule... never marry a man who is in top physical shape. Find a man who is a little on the lazy side when it comes to working out. Sure, find a man who will go to the gym... but also one who will say "OK" to your request for that DQ Blizzard for dinner. These are words of wisdom here...

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Random Thought #3

I have Narco-somnia.

When my little one wakes me up in the middle of the night to either give me another kiss, or to have me fix her blankets on her bed... I end up awake for the next hour or two. It stinks. I hate it and I pray for sleep to come.

When my husband's alarm clock goes off early in the morning after my hours of insomnia and he needs me to get up with him and make his lunch and breakfast... I can no longer keep my eyes open and I fall into a deep deep sleep in the 3 minutes that he is in the shower.

This is an amazing phenomenon to me. When woken up-I have insomnia, but when I am needed to get up and help someone... I have narcolepsy.

Scientists are baffled.

12 comments:

Dana said...

I do the exact samething with my deodorant! I have learned the secret to not getting the white marks though. Put the shirt on first then reach under for the deodorant.

Suzanne said...

I am sorta blessed. I really have very little problem with sweating under the arms...never have had much of a problem. However, having said that, I have also heard not to use too much of that stuff. Has anyone else? I use a little cause that is all I have ever needed. Now, my feet are another story! LOL! We won't go there!

Kasia said...

I don't use 12 or 13 swipes of deodorant...more like 5 or 6...and I don't get a problem with white stuff. I think you're right that the issue is how much you're using. 13 swipes just cannot possibly all absorb into your skin!

Now, I do keep another stick in my desk drawer, for reapplication as needed. My feet don't stink TOO badly, except when I wear nylons. BLECH!!!!

Jennifer said...

Secret Clinical Strength Deodorant!!! You put it on at night. It's great! Especially for really sweaty pregnant gals like me!

And I can never sleep once I've been woken up at night. And I'm woken up almost every night for some reason.

I'm here via Suburban Oblivion, by the way!

elaine said...

I totally hear you on #2. I also like being the "better" looking one ;)

Have you ever counted how many times you wave your mascara wand on your lashes???? I swore I only did it about 4 times per eye, but it is close to 20 on each eye. My husband who works for "THE BIGGEST" cosmetic company claims that the average woman does 90 strokes between both eyes. Sounds crazy, but manybe not! Just sharing one more random thought ;)

Kitchen Madonna said...

Thanks for that dating tip June! I'll keep that in mind. I just want to know what the strongest invisible deoterant is. Anybody know?

Shauna said...

LOVE the dating tip. I'll tell that to both my kids when they grow up!

Toni said...

Are you nuts? I put on 3 swipes under each arm. I DON'T stink! I use Dove deodorant. Good Lord- what is your deodorant budget? Surely you have a budget just for this!
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Don't watch the Bachelor.
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You get up to make him breakfast and lunch? No way in hell.

Suburban Oblivion said...

Holy crap, how can you even lower your arms after 14?? 6 here, tops.

And to the mascara girl, wow!! I do about 4 on each eye.

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

1.2,3.4,5.6 that's what my deoderant process looks like: swipe up-1, swipe down-2 etc. so I guess I cover about six swipes per pit. Every day. Directly after showering...but I keep one in my kitchen cupboard just in case I get distracted (imagine that, every kid screamin and bangin on the door the whole time i'm showering??) and forget. I also keep one in my purse. Degree invisible solid. Works even if I skip a day (even through a workout). It never marks my clothes...but then, I'm not using half the bar in one session either!

Matilda said...

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So for my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you!

Queen Heather said...

Whoa...thats a chunk of DO in your pits. LOL!