11.18.2007

Potato Chips Are The Work Of The Devil...

My mother loves potato chips. She loves potato chips more than just about any other food and rumor has it that I had a 3rd sister, but someone offered my mother a bag of potato chips in exchange for her youngest child and she took them up on their offer. That, my friends, is how much my mother loves potato chips.

I love potato chips too. I love them even more if there is dip to go with them. My favorite way to eat potato chips is scrunched on top of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. It is safe to say that my love to chips is hereditary.

I never eat potato chips. NEVER! I never eat potato chips because I cannot stop myself at just a few. I end up eating the entire bag and then getting canker sores in my mouth from all of the yummy salt. It is safer if I buy pretzels. I do not like pretzels so I don't eat them. I sometimes buy those really awful "all natural" potato chips-the ones that taste like cardboard just so that I can "trick" my mind into believing that I am eating potato chips, but my taste buds are not fooled.

My parents are coming out for Thanksgiving and when I was at the grocery store the other day I walked down the chip aisle. I was met with a very interesting quandary. Do I bend to my mother's addictive behavior and buy the potato chips so that she can eat them all and turn the bag inside out just to lick the remaining salt, or do I put my foot down and say NO to the war on hip fat that these chips has waged with me.

I thought of all of the things my mother has done for me, like make me wear my older sister's hand-me-downs all of my life, demand that I only eat baked chicken legs 5 nights out of a week for my entire youth, make me play the saxophone in band all through my Freshman year just so that I was labeled a "band geek" and my hopes of becoming Homecoming Queen forever squandered, and make me drive around in a powder blue van for all of my high school days in order to let everyone know that I was in no way cool.

I decided to pay her back for all that she has done for me and buy a family sized bag of chips. I cackled out loud as I thought of my mother eating every last crumb of the potato chip bag only to regret it when she tried to get her favorite pair of brown pants buttoned.

(Rubbing my hands sinisterly) Yes, the time has come mother for my revenge!

My evil plan would have worked if I had not been so tempted by the stupid chips just sitting in my cabinet wreaking havoc on my will power.

I opened the bag today. I ate a peanut butter, jelly and potato chip sandwich and consumed one pound of French Onion dip. CURSES! Foiled again!

I just love how Thanksgiving brings families together!

9 comments:

Devin said...

I heart chips on pb&j sandwiches. Those Lays cheddar chips are delicious and the sour cream and onion Lays make my knees give way.

I don't enjoy pretzels either but there are some from Sams called Honey Wheat Braided Twists made by Utz that are pretty fabulous. They take care of that salt thing I need way too often.

Regina said...

You've got it all wrong. Doritos on a ham and cheese is best and I don't even like Doritos. For clarification must be Nacho Cheese flavored.

Anonymous said...

potato chips on a tuna sandwich are the best...

Kathryn said...

Potato chips on a bologna sandwich with mustard...on white bread! Oh and with a slice of disgusting processed cheese.
~Heaven~

Beth said...

Not sure I agree with you on the chips on PB&J but I do agree that chips and dip (especially Pioneer Woman's Ranch Dip!) are worth back fat and saddle bags! And I've got both to prove it!

Michelle said...

My husband used to eat potato chips as a topping on his ice cream.

That was until I banned both potato chips and ice cream from the house.

Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Crissy,
Funny you mention the chip isle, I remember when it was just the chip section of an isle. They are definitely out to get us! However, when I was in Menard's last Friday night looking for some Okee Dokee Cheese Popcorn (they have a grocery section now)they didn't have ANY! Nope, don't carry it! Who planned this grocery section? And how could they overlook Cheese Popcorn? Corporate needs to do something and quick!!! Oh, back to potato chips. Believe it or not, I never tried chips on a PB&J. You make it sound so good, I'll pick some up on the next trip to Strack and VanTil's.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Aunt Barbara

Kasia said...

And this, dear friends, is what revenge does: it turns around at you and becomes flab on YOUR rear end, not the intended target's! ;-)

Lesson learned. I'm off to find some potato chips...