My nails should be in the Guinness Book of World Records by now.
We spent the entire morning preparing for our trip to the mall. School was completed, the house was cleaned (OK, so the cleaning lady was cleaning the house... so what) children were bathed, the checkbook was balanced and we were ready!
As we were driving to the mall I started to smell something. I did a fart check (WHO FARTED?) to which no one claimed responsibility, so I knew it was the baby.
We pulled into the mall parking lot and I pulled Mary Claire out of her car seat to change her real fast before heading into the building where they sell new shoes and soft pretzels and discovered that she had a blow out.
This was not typical blow out where there is a little poo on her pants, no, this was an ginormous blow out. There was poo up her back, up her belly, down her legs, on her shirt, her pants, her jacket and her car seat. Oddly enough, there was more poo on the outside of her diaper than there was inside of it!
I searched the baby bag for more clothes and all I had was a tank top of Emma's, a summer dress for Mary Claire, a tampon and Kleenex.
What kind of mother am I???
I briefly considered stripping her naked and putting the dirty diaper back on her considering the diaper was about the closest thing to clean I had, but I just could not talk myself into putting a poopie diaper BACK ON my child, even though my options were scarce. I decided to strip her naked and wrap her in the towel I use to sit on. Why do I sit on a towel you ask? Because we have leather seats and I just don't like hot seats in the summer and cold seats in the winter... and because I have given birth 4 times and I may on occasion tinkle a little when I cough, sneeze, or laugh.
So, my day of money spending was brought to a screeching halt and I ended up rinsing poo out of clothes, off of car seats and out of a baby's hair. I had to give her a poopie bath in my newly cleaned tub and I had to change my own clothes because you know as well as I do that I was not getting out of this poopie situation without getting poo all over me as well!
My life is so glamorous that sometimes I just have to pinch myself!