11.02.2007

Poo Happens, And It Happened All Over Me Today...

When I was a kid, my mom used cloth diapers on us all. I was seven when my little sister was born so I vividly remember my mom rinsing out poopie diapers in the toilet. She used to say that she was going to get nice long fingernails because of all dirty diapers fertilizing her hands.

My nails should be in the Guinness Book of World Records by now.
Today I had a plan, and as most moms know, when you have a plan... nothing is going to work out. I had told my older two that when little Emma was at preschool today I was going to take them to the MALL and buy new SHOES! This is very exciting to Hope, and to Aaron, this is code for "We are going to the MALL and buy PRETZELS!"

We spent the entire morning preparing for our trip to the mall. School was completed, the house was cleaned (OK, so the cleaning lady was cleaning the house... so what) children were bathed, the checkbook was balanced and we were ready!

As we were driving to the mall I started to smell something. I did a fart check (WHO FARTED?) to which no one claimed responsibility, so I knew it was the baby.

We pulled into the mall parking lot and I pulled Mary Claire out of her car seat to change her real fast before heading into the building where they sell new shoes and soft pretzels and discovered that she had a blow out.

This was not typical blow out where there is a little poo on her pants, no, this was an ginormous blow out. There was poo up her back, up her belly, down her legs, on her shirt, her pants, her jacket and her car seat. Oddly enough, there was more poo on the outside of her diaper than there was inside of it!

I searched the baby bag for more clothes and all I had was a tank top of Emma's, a summer dress for Mary Claire, a tampon and Kleenex.

What kind of mother am I???

I briefly considered stripping her naked and putting the dirty diaper back on her considering the diaper was about the closest thing to clean I had, but I just could not talk myself into putting a poopie diaper BACK ON my child, even though my options were scarce. I decided to strip her naked and wrap her in the towel I use to sit on. Why do I sit on a towel you ask? Because we have leather seats and I just don't like hot seats in the summer and cold seats in the winter... and because I have given birth 4 times and I may on occasion tinkle a little when I cough, sneeze, or laugh.

So, my day of money spending was brought to a screeching halt and I ended up rinsing poo out of clothes, off of car seats and out of a baby's hair. I had to give her a poopie bath in my newly cleaned tub and I had to change my own clothes because you know as well as I do that I was not getting out of this poopie situation without getting poo all over me as well!

My life is so glamorous that sometimes I just have to pinch myself!

8 comments:

Barb McK said...

your blog is tooooo funny and so much of it I can relate to much too closely....I am a Catholic homeschooling mom of 6, you go girl, keep on making us laugh, we all need it.

southernjoy said...

Unfortunately, I can relate...

Marva said...

Been there, done that! I well remember one of our kids having a major blowout in a restaurant while sitting in a high chair. I, too, had no extra clothing in the diaper bag. We had to leave and go home. I can laugh now, but at the time it just wasn't funny.

Kathryn said...

I've sooo been there! Hope you can get to the mall again soon, those pretzels should be discount for Mom's with all we go through to bring our kids there to buy them!

Beth said...

Tee hee hee....I am giggling as I remember all too well the blowout diapers.

I was just wishing yesterday that I had another baby. Thanks for bringing me back to reality and thanks for a good laugh!

jennwa said...

I too have 4 kids. It is funny for the 1st you have everything except the kitchen sink in the diaper bag. But by the 4th kid you are lucky to just remember a diaper. Thanks for making me know I am not the only one.

the Mom said...

My #3 could poop and completely miss the diaper. It would be up his back and into his hair, but the diaper would not have a speck on it.

I don't want to know what kind of gymnastics that requires.

Kasia said...

Cris, one of the many reasons I read your blog is that it reminds me why it's OK that I don't have kids yet. God will give them to me in His own good time, and then I too can deal with this crap (literally)...