6.18.2007

Can I Get A Do-Over?

I feel like a shmuck... yes, I said shmuck! Emma has her ballet recital this weekend. Dress rehearsal is on Thursday, and today was the day that they were going to do the recital for the parents. In full costume. With hair in buns. And make-up on.

Well... I forgot. Hey, as I said before my brain is being sucked through my boobies at an alarming rate since I have been nursing. Cut me some friggen slack here.

We get to ballet (5 minutes late) and Emma rushes into the studio. I notice that there is no one in the waiting room so either there is a fabulous sale at the "Get Nailed" nail salon next door, or I have made a horrible horrible mistake and today is parent's day. As soon as Emma rushes in and sits down with all of the other little ballerinas, she starts to notice that everyone has their bea-u-tiful recital costumes on and she has her ordinary pink one... and I didn't even comb her hair this morning, I simply pulled the curls up in a off center pig tail. She turns to me and in a very loud whisper says "MOM! WHY DON'T I HAVE MY DRESS ON?" I put my finger over my mouth as if that could possibly quiet her and I tell her that everything is OK.

She sits for a few more minutes until the little girl next to her says "Why don't you have your costume on?" (Can I just call this child a brat now? Brat!) Emma looks to the girl on the other side of her and she not only has lipstick on, but she looks like her mother used the same lipstick on her cheeks as blush... a technique that my Grandmother perfected in the car on the way to Mass years ago. Emma turns to me again and says (in a very accusatory tone I might add) "MOM, WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT MY DRESS ON ME?"

It should be pointed out that I was not the only bad mom there today. One of the popular "posh" moms (who can forget the "posh" moms?A Fly On The Wall... ) forgot about the costume today as well. She has teenagers and this three year old... the only thing she really has to occupy her mind with is this three year old, and what vacation home they are going to chose to fly off to next week. I at least can blame the baby... right?

Well, I caved. I quickly motioned for Emma to come to me and then I grabbed her hand and hustled it out of there so fast that you would have thought I was an Olympic sprinter. We made it home in 2 minutes flat (red lights are optional for a mother on the edge) and I whipped Emma into her costume and even put some lip gloss on her and dashed back to the studio just in time for them to start the performance.

While I was sitting there watching my daughter, who was now all decked out in her $80 costume, do her little spins and twirls that I have spent $50 a month for her to learn (which by the way, I want my money back) the baby decided to let out a big ol' poo. This was the kind of poo a bear has after hibernation... when he has to poo out the plug of twigs and berries that he ate last fall with an enormous amount of grunting and pushing. It was a big one... and it was all over her outfit and my beige shorts (the only shorts that fit me since her birth.)

And people wonder why I drink so much...

10 comments:

Michelle said...

I was at medical records with Pete when he was about a month old. Sitting on a chair, trying to fill out a bunch of forms while balancing the baby. A kind woman offered to hold him. Thank goodness, I said no for some reason. About 2 minutes later, he let loose and I had yellow baby poo all over him, me, the floor. Of course, I don't even think I had a diaper bag with me (this was my 5th kid, you know, we don't carry around the whole house with the baby by then).

I laughed so hard. I wanted to cry, but laughing was better.

Dana said...

Oh, wouldn't it have been the best if you had asked posh mom to hold her for a second for you!

Shauna said...

Oh no! You poor thing.

Suburban Oblivion said...

I'm impressed you made that round-trip so fast!! Next time I forget soemthing I'm calling for you! Go Supermom!! :D

Kasia said...

'K...never having had a baby, I have to ask Cris and Michelle this, even though I suspect I'll regret it...

Why does the poo get all over YOU? Why doesn't it stay in the diaper? We've put men on the moon; can't we engineer a reasonably leak-proof diaper?

Lady Tramaine said...

I am in totally impressed with your driving skills and getting her all dressed and back in time! As far as the poo..I agree, should have been on posh mom!

Biddy said...

you are so NOT a schmuck! did i spell that right? anyway, it totally rocks that you threw her in the car, high tailed it home and got her all dolled up in .86 seconds. my lazy butt would have been like "oh honey, it's fine. you're being individual" or some crap like that

elaine said...

(((((CRIS))))) ...
YOU JUST HAD A BABY! Don't kill yourself over this. I know that I made "liitle" (really big) mistakes.

Kasia said...

And by the way, I echo what everyone else has said. Yes, more than likely she'll remember this years from now and resent you for it, but you're human and humans make mistakes. I'm just impressed you whisked her home and changed her. Bless your heart for that, and thank the Lord you didn't get into a car accident!

diana said...

Excuse me for laughing, but this is just too funny!