They Came, They Saw... They Broke a Toilet Seat and Left!

Well, my house is once again full of peace and tranquility-and we are all bored to death now. The last of my family left Wednesday and I promptly called the Sheriff to inform him that he could lift the ban he had placed on fireworks and recreational fires. I also called the liquor store to let them know that their "boost in sales" had come to a close.

To say we had a blast is to put it lightly. We had a friggen blast! There were so many people stuffed in my little house that I quickly realized that I had to throw my anal "why is there shaving cream on the dog?" tendencies out the door and just enjoy the chaos that was surrounding me.

One day my sister and I took all of the kids to the Immaculate Conception Shrine in downtown DC. Now, to do this is much like taking a Chimpanzee to Buckingham Palace. Things will get broken, people will scream in horror, and guns may very well be locked and loaded. We first decided to have a picnic on the lawn, because what better place to feed 9 children but outdoors under the trees. One would think they would NOT want us in the cafe of the Shrine, but we were approached by a security guard and told that we could not eat on the lawn (where all the squirrels, birds, the occasional raccoon, and chipmunks eat-and I daresay-poop!) So we plucked our boys from the trees and rounded our girls up from rolling down the hills and headed indoors. The security guard seemed to follow us throughout the day with his hand on his gun as if to say "Make one false move and you'll get it folks." If he was trying to be intimidating it did not work-I was on a field trip with 9 children man-Manson himself could have approached me and I would have laughed in his face.

I love the way that kids whisper... or the way they think they are whispering. I had to laugh out loud at my niece and her whispering yells. You know the kind of whisper I am talking about, the one that is louder than a mere scream and said with complete conviction and sternness. She kept "whispering" to everyone things like "BE QUIET! THEY ARE HAVING MASS!" or "GET OVER HERE!" and even "DO YOU THINK JESUS WANTS YOU TO CLIMB ON THAT STATUE OF SAINT PETER?" It was all very funny to me... Oh, and I want to take this moment to apologize to all of the people who had lit candles that day for their prayer intentions as many of your candles were blown out by little people who are related to me-

I have also decided that the best way to get good and skinny is to simply have a bucket full of kids. Just keep popping them out at a constant rate. You will be so tired that you will not have the energy to eat. When you do have a meal, you will spend the entire time serving, cutting, spanking, filling, wiping up, refilling, spanking again, serving seconds, and then when everyone is happy and eating... there will be only one french fry and a corner of burger for you to eat. I think I am going to write a book about this weight loss breakthrough-I'll be on Oprah I bet.

My cousin Steve came in Friday night-but I need to do an entire post on him so I will just let you know that he did his part in getting the kids good and hyper for us. Thanks Steve... my huband and Steve did put up a ceiling fan-which involved a bottle of Captain and a few trips into the attic. Now when you flip the switch the house rotates 180* but I am not one to criticize.

My parents came in Saturday... and I had to hide the wine from my mother, but she found the beer so she was useless to me by 7 p.m. My dad kept up with me-but I am just coming off of childbirth and sore nipples, what is his excuse?

Well, I better go help my husband tighten the toilet seat back up. We have no idea how it came lose and with all the butts that were on it this past week, I can only imagine. I just saw him heading up to the bathroom with a drill, a screwdriver and duct tape-this should be interesting...

It's good to be back to blogging--I feel the same way that I bet Paris Hilton feels about returning to jail. Overjoyed and a little afraid of becoming someones girlfriend (so if you have a tattoo that reads "Take Me On A Magic Carpet Ride" please just bypass my blog completely.)


Shauna said...

Oh, man. I *so* want to be related to you. That sounds like fun!

Anonymous said...

Hi Cris! Thinking of you! I'm in Chantilly, VA - wondering how far it is from you. We were in D.C. yesterday, but we're here for a Homeschooling Curriculum Fair.
We're leaving Sunday morning after we go to Mass here.
God bless.

elaine said...

I am pretty sure that is the funniest thing I have read from a blog!

Families do bring us a lot of humor don't they!