6.13.2007

Does This Cyst Make My Butt Look Big?

One of my dear friends is coming to stay with me next week and I am so excited! I have so much to say about this friend that I am going to change her name for this post... let's call her Vivian.

Vivian is having a bit of a problem... it seems she has been getting cysts on her butt. Now, one may read this and think "OH! That is awful!" But when she told me this I could not help to laugh. I did not laugh because I am mean-OK, maybe a little-but I laughed because Viv has more problems with her butt than most people.

She once had hemorrhoids so badly that she had to pull her car over to the side of the highway and call an ambulance-no joke! She has had rhoid surgery but still has some dingle berries that blow in the wind down there. On cold days they have been known to freeze (urban legend I am sure).

The cysts have come since the birth of her son 3 months ago. I have always said that children can be a pain in the butt, but this time it is literal.

The worst part is that her husband has been popping these cysts for her. Oh the love! She was going to the Doc, but they were just popping them anyway so her husband, being the ever-savvy money saver, decided to save a buck or two and pop them himself.

I personally cannot think of better birth control.

10 comments:

Toni said...

OMG! That is hilarious! Is she going to be ok with you telling the world??

Dana said...

Oh my.

Biddy said...

um ow...thanks for the new form of birth control - just the thought of it makes me want to stay far far away from men...

Shauna said...

I'm speechless...

Laura The Crazy Mama said...

Whoa, now THAT is true love.

Pearl Girl said...

I've been reading your blog off and on...just so you know your audience, and well, I couldn't help but comment and say, thanks for the post. I've been trying not to eat as much and lose some weight. This post has really helped with that. Not only birth control but weight control also. I'd say keep it up, but I'm not sure I could stomach too many posts like this.

Poor gal, but I can't stop laughing. I had three big ones right after my daughter was born and all the nurses and nurse trainees wanted to see them and kept parading through my hospital room. Apparently they had never seen such a thing before. I felt like I was part of a freak show with all these people coming in to see my butt. Thank goodness I couldn't see them.

Why/how do you call and ambulance for a 'roid....no, don't tell me. I called 9-11 because an eel jumped out of a fish tank once, so I really can't judge Vivian. Here's the eel story.

http://squirrelgirl73.blogspot.com/2005/09/eel-story_28.html

Ok, now you know a little too much about me. I better stop. May the healing powers of Preparation H be with her.

Jennifer Playgroupie said...

Um, I don't think that I'd tell anyone about cysts on my butt. And I have a blog.

Karly said...

Popping her butt cysts? Oh, now that is love! So, if she is coming to stay with you, who will be popping the cysts for her then? Hmm? You?

Kevin said...

I understand that you may be making light of this situation but I truly hope that you realize that birth control is a Grave Sin and as Catholics, we should always be open to life.

diana said...

Birth Control isn't a grave sin, its artificial contraception that's the grave sin. Saying that birth control is a grave sin is the equivalent of saying abstinence is a grave sin...