I Was Starting to Get Worried... But Then I Had a Glass of Wine.

OK, so something has been happening to me lately that I have not shared here because it is just too horrid. I think I have a disease or something, maybe a brain tumor, possibly mad cow, maybe even a chemical imbalance that causes me to be extremely dysfunctional... whatever it is, I am freaked out!

I saw signs of this before my pregnancy,but almost like magic it went away the instant that the egg traveled down the fallopian tube hand in hand with Mr. Stud Sperm (my husband requested that I use that name for his ever fertile, never lazy sperm). I basically forgot about my "diseased condition" and carried on with life-happy in my ignorance of what was spreading in my body.

A few weeks after the birth of Mary Claire, my symptoms returned! I was a mess. I did not know what to do so I kept trying different things to see if it was all in my head, or if I really did have mad cow, or crazy chicken, or pissed off pigeon.

I CANNOT DRINK BEER! I don't know why-I LOVE BEER! Every time I crack open a cold one and start chugging, within 30 seconds I get a headache. I am not talking a little headache like the one I say I have to keep my husband on his side of the bed so that I can watch reruns of Project Runway, nooooo, these are monster headaches! These are the type of headaches that I should be getting the morning after drinking beer, not seconds after a few sips.

For an Irish person, this is a very distressing thing. How am I supposed to live? How am I supposed to tell someone off and then call the next morning and apologize all whilst blaming the beer? How am I supposed to ever sing karaoke again? How am I supposed to survive any visit whatsoever with my mother in law???? Oh the injustice of it all.

I did share my concern of this disease with my cousin Steve and he told me that the same thing used to happen to him. Maybe it runs in our family-I don't know. Steve said that he had to switch to the hard stuff in order for the headaches to go away.

This made sense to me. Back when I was younger I used to drink Kamikazes... not in a little shot glass, no I drank a big ol' 8 ouncer with a straw! I never had a headache. I started thinking that maybe Steve was on to something. So what if I had blackouts and would sometimes wake up in the bathroom instead of in my bed (the bathroom mat can be an extremely comfortable blanket)... at least I did not get an instant headache.

Well, this past weekend I had a breakthrough... and I didn't have to go out and buy vodka, Captain, or even Jack. I had a glass of wine. A full glass. No headache. So I had another glass. Still no headache.

I WAS CURED! I got up out of my wheelchair and danced around the stage!

This is all new to me because I have never been a wine drinker. My mother loves to have a box of wine in her fridge and take little nips from it here and there (ever 20 minutes or so), but I never liked the taste of boxed wine (maybe because it is cheap and I am a high dollar kind of whino). So if you have a fabulous wine that you love and want to share the name of it-let me know. I will go directly to the liquor store where they know me by name and I always give Loise behind the counter a tip-someday she will be able to replace that tooth she lost in prison, and I will buy your favorite wine.

I still feel a little like a kid whose dog just got hit by a car (Beer) but his mom just brought home a new puppy (wine). It is a bittersweet ending to my love affair with beer. We have had some good times together, and the memories that I can remember... they are priceless. I just hope my new puppy (wine) does not end up peeing on the floor in the morning.


Toni said...

OMG! That is a horrible affliction to have! I don't have any [articular wine- but I do like a good Merlot!

Momto5Minnies said...

I was like that after baby #3 or maybe it was #4 ... can't remember now.

Anyway, I enjoy a glass or three(that is my limit) of wine ... Cavit Pinot Grigio is good. I also like a nice Shiraz or Merlot.

Beer makes me feel bloated and full. Wine seems to just be relaxing to me.

Momto5Minnies said...

And off topic here ...

I have been looking at a mix bag of stuff ... mostly CHC, Seton, and Harcourt Science. I may look at the Scott Foresman. I have seen their math stuff, but not their science.

I would love to go with a straight curriculum for the ease, but I feel the need to pick and chose my favorites this year. I know that will be more work, but I am hoping it will be worth it. IF I homeschool my oldest(a 7th grader this coming year) next year, I may go with Seton or Kolbe for her. For now I am just HS'ing my 2nd and 5th grader.

Dana said...

I couldn't survive if I couldn't drink beer! You poor thing.

My husband and my mother are both wine drinkers and they both say that Italian wine is the only way to go. Doesn't matter what kind as long as it is Italian. (They don't use sugar like most of the other wines.)

Shauna said...

I'm a beer girl myself. I feel so sad for ya.

Biddy said...

if you like a sweeter, less "this tastes like feet" wine, I suggest Riunite Lambrusco or Riunite D'Oro. Love them both, and they're cheap...so cheap they have a screw top instead of a cork. But I promise, they are good. Oh and here's a tip...drink a glass of wine, THEN try the beer.

"beer before liquor, never been sicker. liquor before beer, you're in the clear"

they really should print that in all college handbooks

Kasia said...

"Beer then wine, feeling fine. Wine then beer, feeling queer." That's the British rhyme I learned. However, since I don't much like beer, I need to be able to convert that to a wine/liquor rhyme...

I recommend a wine brand called Yellowtail. It's easy to find and reasonably good. I've never bought a bottle, but I think it's within a reasonable price range too - not as cheap as Riunite or the boxed stuff (or Boone's Farm), but not ridiculous.

If you decide to get snooty and try a specialty wine store, you may be able to get Peljesac. (That's pronounced "PEL-ya-shatz".) It's Croatian, so like Italian but cheaper, at least over there, and it's verrrry good. At least, I remember liking it a lot.

I also remember being able to find Bulgarian wines cheap and their being very good, but I'm sure our duty is higher here than in Britain, so even if we have them here they're probably not as cheap as they are on that side of the pond. But hey - if you feel adventurous, look for a Bulgarian red - I've only had good luck with 'em! :-)

Jennifer Playgroupie said...

Thank goodness it's a burden you have a cure for.

I would probably die if I couldn't have a beer. Wine is good, but beer is my best friend.

Michelle said...

Try a beer that meets the Reinheitsgebot (German Purity Law). I'm not a beer drinker, but hubby is. He had some "trouble" for years which seemed "cured" after he restricted his consumption to "pure" beers. It doesn't have to be a German beer, but most American beers don't make the cut. I think Sam Adams does. The Class VI near the commissary has plenty of choices for you.

Lady Tramaine said...

Try and of the Stag's leap wines. I like the Faye myself. Oh who am I kidding, I like them all! A tad pricey but worth it!

Mary Poppins NOT said...

I second the Yellow Tail, particularly the Shiraz. Yum. It comes is a big bottle, too. Yum.

Anonymous said...

Rosemont Estate...any of the reds. mmmm

Anonymous said...

Have you tried being tested for celiac? You may be allergic to gluten that is found in beer unfortunately. I know beer gives me instant headaches and I love beer! I'm being tested next week