Let's hear it for WINTER!!!!! Hip Hip GO AWAY!!!!!!
Well ladies and gents, it is June Cleaver to the rescue! I am going to give you some of my winter beauty secrets-secrets so secret that you will need a security clearance to read the rest of this post.... so if you would simply raise your right hand and repeat after me:
"I know who I am, I can vouch for who I am and I am willing to go to jail if someone says I am not who I say I am... so help me Betty Crocker."
Okay, now that we have that out of the way...
Let's talk hands shall we? Are yours as freakin' dry and chapped as mine? Ugh! It is horrible... and embarrassing! I don't have lovely nails that I have to go to the salon to get filled every two weeks of my life because I couldn't stand that kind of commitment and felt like I was Martha Stewart with a ankle bracelet so that my parole officer knew where I was and had to check in with him every night at 9pm... but I do have nice nails of my own and I like my hands to look soft and feminine (something I am sure all of the male readers strive for as well). In the winter, I soothe my hands with lotion orgasm that I keep in my purse. It is called "Naked Body Butter" by Bliss and you can get it where Sephora is sold (read: JC Penney). It is a little pricey-but really... how much is too much when we are talking beauty? Besides, a little goes a long way with this stuff and so it is worth every bit of the $35 price tag. Honest!
How is your skin? No, I mean REALLY... how is your skin? Flaky? Itchy? GROSS? Mine too! I hate it!!! I am a lotion whore-I can't help it. Every time I am in the bathroom I am slathering myself with lotion and in the summer time this works GREAT because I usually have shorts on so my legs get that extra dose of moisture just as often as my arms, elbows, earlobes, and bellybutton does... but in the winter my legs are covered up by pants so they are only getting moisture (and seeing sunlight!) in the morning hours and in the evening hours, so their moisture allowance not only goes way down in the winter... but the winter dry crappy air tortures my skin as well. Dammit! How do I combat this obvious attack by foreign countries on my American skin? I exfoliate!!!! Go buy those little $2 bath gloves-the ones that feel rough and scratchy-and put them in your shower. Lather them up with soap every time you bathe and scrub the junk right off of you! Use them on your face, your legs, your arms, belly and back. I even use them on my feet (but I have a different pair for my feet because feet give me the heebie-jeebies and I don't want my feet gloves touching my face-obvi!). When I get out of the shower I coat myself with Eucerin lotion. You can get this at Target... or any grocery store. It is a little bit more than your typical Vaseline lotion-but I have never had a lotion that I louvre more than Eucerin (so take THAT Hollywood with your expensive-must have-lotions that only movie stars can afford!). It works, AND... I can even put it on my face without breaking out. SCORE!
Hair. Ugh. Blech. WHY!!!!! Sigh...
I use Nexus Shampoo and Conditioner-I wash my hair twice a day-I am horrible and mean to my hair and I have no excuse, I can't help it. But... there is one thing that I cannot live without and I think, with all of the torture that I submit my hair to, it is happy that I give it this one thing to help it along in my daily abuse of it. Paul Mitchell's Super Skinny Serum. Yes, I will admit that I originally bought it because it said "super skinny" and I thought that maybe I was going to get skinny... nay, SUPER SKINNY if I used it. I did not know if Paul Mitchell discovered some amazing diet treatment that would make you skinny if you had fabulous hair-but I was willing to try. So, in my pursuit of being skinny I discovered that my hair LOVES this stuff-and it helps keep away the limp, sad looking hair that winter (and personal abuse) can do to your lovely locks. By the by... you can snag this stuff up at your salon-they prolly sell Paul Mitchell because he is like, the hair products god or something.
This last thing is something NEW that I have yet to try but my girlfriend swears by it! You know how in the winter you lose your summer tan-that perfect color that your skin gets from the kiss of the sun? Well... the other day I saw my friend and she looked like she had just gotten off the plane from a well-deserved relaxing vaca in the fantasy world of "sunny" and "warm!"
I was all "Are you tanning?"
She was all "No"
I was all "What's up with the sun-kiss look then biatch!"
She was all "I have my ways."
I was all "You gonna share your ways or do I have to beat it out of you and steal your Coach purse?"
She was all "NOT MY COACH PURSE!"
I was all "Oh yes... the Coach purse."
She was all "Fine-I will hand over my lovely beauty secret, but you have to buy me dinner."
I was all "Fine, my wallet is in your Coach purse."
So she told me she has been using tanning towelettes from Loreal. I KNOW! Who knew tans could come in a towel?
This also gave me an idea for a giveaway! All you have to do is leave a comment telling me your favorite-must have-can't live without-winter beauty secret. I don't care if it is a secret passed down from your great-great-grandpa who was a cross dresser and could sing Judy Garland like nobodys business, or if it is one that you just discovered yesterday! Just let me know-let the world know! We need all the help we can get during the winter months to keep looking fabulous.
On Monday I will reveal the winner that I will get from my handy-dandy-random-picker-outer-thingy.
What is the prize? Those towelettes from Loreal of course! So leave a comment and maybe you can be getting your tan on next week!