Late For Dinner, But Early For Breakfast... We have a WINNER!

Okay... I realize that I said I would put up the winner on Monday, and yes I realize that I meant (and I know that you know that I know) that it was supposed to be LAST Monday... but TODAY is the first day of the rest of your lives people, and it is also a Monday, and the winner is about to be announced... in a very clean way-a way so clean that you will be happy that I waited so long and spent so much time researching "clean" things to put on here.

Trust me...

Okay so I put all 43 comments into my handy dandy "Random Integer Generator" and after only 86 clicks of the "again" button I came up with a WINNER!

Oh relax, I did not click the again button 86 times, I only clicked it once and came up with a winner... (this statement is so that none of you sue me for a box of tanning wipes because you cry FOUL to the big man, otherwise knows as "The Government") pfffft.


The winner is: Comment #3

Random Integer Generator
Here are your random numbers:3
Timestamp: 2009-10-26 13:37:20 UTC

That means You Jenny! Congratulations! Jenny likes to drink "Smart Water" which makes her glow with happiness and joy and tells her the winning numbers to the lottery every week! This is some amazing water folks!

Anyway... Jenny if you could email me at six-pack@live.com with your address I will send your Loreal tanning wipes out to you post hast-in time for you to try them out before your wedding and if they don't work, in time for you to exfoliate the hell out of yourself to get the tan off before your wedding!

Now, while I was reading all of your comments I realized that other than Buzzy's words of beauty wisdom and Cousin Steve's confused look at bacon grease and condoms, we did not get many winter beauty secrets from our male readers.

This means that men sit around all winter itching their dry skin and never realizing that they can use something other then soap and water to make themselves radiate a healthy glow that comes from spending hundreds of dollars on beauty products! Pfft, they are such simple creatures.

Do you know of any men who have a beauty regime? I mean... men who wear baseball caps, work boots, drive diesel engines and don't shave on the weekends? Do you know any of THOSE type of men who have beauty secrets?

Yeah, me neither....

I do know men who wear loafers, argyle sweaters, drive smart cars and shave every day of their life so they don't break out on Monday mornings who have beauty regimes...

But they usually don't pay attention to women... they pay attention to other men who have beauty regimes.

Not that there is anything wrong with that.

But I prefer a man who cleans out the dirt from under his nails with his pocket knife.

So other than your man occasionally using the beauty products that are in your shower... that are YOURS and that you spend a lot of money on-and chances are you have no idea that they have been using your exfoliating gloves until you put them on one morning and find black curly hairs on them (ARGHHHHHHHHHH!) I think it is safe to say that men don't pay much attention to having soft skin.

Unless it is your soft skin, then they pay attention (which is why we spend hundreds of dollars on our beauty secrets... oh the evil web men weave!)

And they don't have to wear make up.

And they don't use conditioner... heck, they don't even use shampoo, Dial soap works just fine for them (and the only reason why they use Dial is because they giggle in the shower when they spell it backwards.)

And they don't have to get pedicures or manicures.

And they don't have to wax their body parts.

And they get their hair cut for $6.


But I am thankful for my beauty secrets... because without them I would apparently look like a MAN, and I dressed up like a man once for a "role playing mystery dinner" party, and I am not an attractive man, so I am glad I am a woman who has to use twenty different lotions and change my conditioner every other month and shave my legs, pits, and other areas, and sleep in fuzzy socks because I have thick goo spread between my toes so that I am soft and delicate and the only thing rough about me is my attitude when you mess with one of my peeps! That is right! Damn Straight! *giggle*

I am also going to try many of your beauty secrets, like hibernating under my down comforter, going to a spa, Aquaphor, and mojitos in Florida.

Thanks Six-packers! You are the BOMB!
OH-and one more secret for you... although it is not a beauty secret but it may very well make you smile big with your newly whitened teeth because you smeared them with strawberries last night... if you google "men showering" you may get an eyeful! Nothing that I would ever put on this blog and nothing that I will ever look at again as I have erased my history so I am not tempted (yep) but I will leave it up to you as to whether or not you want to say "Oh my-isn't that nice" this Monday Swoon Morning.
So go forth and moisturize my friends~
Now get back to work!


powdergirl said...

Nothin' like a clean set of muscles rippling around in nothing but a towel, smelling all clean and a bit like soap, little drops of water running between muscly shoulders and dripping over fresh scrubbed pecks... catching in little pools in the hollows at the base of a strong neck..a girl could drown..

Oh, 'scuse me, congrats Jenny : D

rita said...

Oh.my. Isn't this NICE!

june cleaver said...

Powder, I started to curl up on my couch and read your intoxicating novel up there... keep going! Get it published! Become a millionaire! :)

Rita-you always make me laugh!

rita said...

I second that, Powder--you have a gift. Use it for good and share it with us.

If you need something steamy and nonmainstream to read, try some non-Twilight vampire romances. Black Daggers, I think; so far 8 over-the-top nice, thick books, featuring lots of wild (and improbable) sex and sex organs.

I had to stop after reading three and take a break for a while. *fans self*

Uptown Girl said...

thanks June (and Powder!) for making my monday and tuesday both better. Excuse me as I try to come up with some potty-training advice...

congrats Jenny!

Jenny said...

Thank you ladies, I will report back from my mid-winter Hawaiin honeymoon bronzed and pregnant, I suspect. Details to follow...

june cleaver said...

Did she just say the "P" word? Did you not read my potty training post Jenny?

Have fun!