Do They Even Make Em' Like This Anymore?

My Aunt Judi (with an "i") emailed this to me today. I don't know who wrote it, but I laughed out loud, and if you know me, you will know that anything that makes me laugh out loud quickly makes my "Top 10" list.

Top 10 list of what I do not know... it changes. Today it is a "Top 10" list of older men who make me swoon. This letter made the list...

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry. We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-of-a-b....

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

This picture made the list as well...

I don't know what the other eight things on the list should be... what do you think? What does an older gentleman have that an 18 year old doesn't?

Tomorrow we'll ask the question in reverse. *wink*


Anonymous said...

Heck, I'm just under the cut-off age( which is back up to the WWII max age for enlistment ). I was 17 when I joined the Navy. Pop( Air Force ) had to sign the papers. My thoughts weren't on sex but on when I'd get to the fleet and start the hunt for the enemy. I'm still in the IRR, even tho' I got out in '94. It's the combat hardened vets, like us that are better able to fight this scourge.

Cheryl said...

Well, I'm 40 and my husband is 63, lets just say I'm happier with him than I was with my 45 yo ex husband... *wink*

Anonymous said...

Did anyone see "Gran Torino"?
Definetly a high five to the wise old guy!
Aunt Barbara

~ Straight Shooter ~ said...

THANKS Aunt Judi!
Stinkin' hilarious.
And oh so true...
Thank you again Mamacita for your family's and husband's service to us. We appreciate you.

~ Straight Shooter ~ said...

THANKS Aunt Judi!
Stinkin' hilarious.
And oh so true...
Thank you again Mamacita for your family's and husband's service to us. We appreciate you.

lolaberly said...

This makes me think of my father-in-law. Heheh.


"D" AKA CI-Roller Dude said...

Yeah, I was 40 yrs old when I was in Iraq....but, I could still go further and longer on missions than many of the 20 something year olds I had with me....not that I'd want to do it again....heck, I'm national guard...."One Weekend a Month"
The people we should send to war are the idiots who thought of invading Iraq. I had no problems going to Bosnia--that was a good mission...but Iraq? No reason to go there.

Anonymous said...

With you on that one Roller Dude! I did a stint in the the Army Guard after my Navy time( long story ) but never got deployed overseas( well, not while in the Guard ). But like it says in many a song "start a war, send the poor"

Kit said...

That was funny, and probably true.

June, if you haven't seen Gran Torino yet, go see it. It is great.

Oscar voters are idiots.

Here is the song from the movie:

june cleaver said...

Kit-I did see it and I freakin' loved it. Yes, Oscar voters are idiots... but hey, maybe Brad Pitt will win because he has 6 kids and is on US magazine every damn week. Ugh-so political.

Okay, I must not post any more comments tonight as I am on my 3rd beer and I could say something that my mother would not appreciate.

Stupid Fat Hobbit said...

We could always send Phyllis Diller, she'd scare the hell out of anyone, anywhere, anytime! Blllluhuhhhuhuhuh.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Aunt Jodi speaks the truth!
I have an Aunt Jody (her real name is Jo Lee due to a typo on her birth certificate;Grandmama meant to name her Joli somethin or another) who also tends to speak the hidden truth that hides behind bushes & trees.
I'm only (ha!) 40 but am very damn cranky. I can out-shoot my brother, father, and the uncle who can blast a flea off of a mouse. I suspect my hits are just blind luck, but whatever.
An 8 year old friend of my younger kid has the gift of finding any lost object. If given access to the right resources, that kid would be able to point out the exact location of every evil person on the planet, after she finishes her homework.
Ame in TN

june cleaver said...

Ame in TN, are you drunk too? Because I am drunk and your comment just made me giggle. if you could send that little kid friend of your kid over here I would really like to find the damn dvd remote that has been lost for 5 months.

I need to go or Wankette is going to tell me I am not allowed to post after drinking...

"D" AKA CI-Roller Dude said...

Just say "NO to DWB" Drinking While Blogging.