2.10.2009

Call Me When They Invent Something Useful...

I started thinking of all of the modern conveniences that we enjoy on a daily basis because someone (probably a mother) said things like "wouldn't it make life easier if..." and then her husband invented something and took all of the credit. Men.

1905: The windshield Wiper was invented. That is a good one because we have all had a car at one time that did not have working wipers and when it would rain we made our friends hang out the passenger side and manually wipe the windshields with a napkin from Chick-Fil-A.

1908: Cellophane was invented... causing all mothers and grandmothers to jump for joy and wrap everything in sight including their hair after they put color in it, put rollers in it and I have personally seen my grandmother wrap her new hairdo in cellophane when she couldn't find her shower cap before her bath.

1909: Instant coffee was invented... which could have brought about world peace if it was marketed correctly.

1919: The pop-up toaster was invented... now if they could just figure out a way to clean the toaster without getting crumbs all over the counter, kitchen floor, sink, your clothes, the baby and the dog... then I will be impressed.

1928: Bubble Gum was invented... my children would like to shake that man's hand, and just about every mother in the world would like to beat him to a bloody pulp when said child goes to bed with their gum and wakes up (the day of school pictures no less) with it all through their lovely hair.

1935: Canned Beer was invented... I bet this guy was Irish, and I bet he was somehow related to me.

1943: The slinky and silly putty was invented... my mother never let us play with silly putty, or play dough for that matter. We were only allowed to do chores for fun while my mother napped on the couch and called for more wine. God I love that woman.

1946: The microwave oven was invented... and that was the first Thanksgiving where everyone had their Turkey done in 25 minutes flat. It was a little tough... but it made life easier right?

1948: The frisbee and velcro were invented. I could care less about the frisbee (although dogs everywhere are thankful) but the velcro! Oh God Bless the velcro! None of my children know how to actually tie their shoes, but they can get them on and get in the van in no time flat without bothering me. Genius!

1949: Cake Mix was invented... coming from a non-baker, I think this is great. My grandmother thought a cake mix cake was a sign of stupidity.

1972: I was invented (rather, I was invented in 1971, but born in 1972) and the video game Pong. Greatest year to date I think.

1974: Post-it notes were invented... and husband's everywhere would like to beat the crap out of the guy who helped their wife leave little notes that say "take out the trash", "fix the door knob", "put the toilet seat down" and even "we are out of beer."

1979: Cell phones, the walkman and rollerblades were invented. All things that I love, all things that I used-well, I didn't use a cell phone back then, I was only 7 years old. I was waiting for text messaging.

1986: The disposable camera was invented. This is the single most invention that my mother celebrated. She bought so many disposable cameras over the years that she is 5 years behind in getting them developed. Just the other day she said "I developed the camera from Emma's birth!" Uhm mom... Emma is 5. This Christmas we bought my parents a digital camera so I may never see those pictures from when Mary was Baptised.

1988: Prozac was invented. Enough said.

1990: The Wide World Web was invented, and Internet porn has never been happier.

1998: Viagra was invented... which is in correlation to the above invention. It was also invented for Larry King, Michael Douglas, Hugh Hefner and Donald Trump.

2001: The iPod was invented. FINALLY! Something I can USE!

2003: The Hybrid car was invented... but you have to be preppy and rich to own it.

2005: You Tube was invented... really? it's only been 4 years? Hmmmm... I think we need to get out more.

2006: Gorilla tape was invented... this tape is 145% stronger than duct tape. My father has never been happier.

Now, these inventions are all fine and dandy, but will someone please tell my WHY no one has invented a juice box that does not squirt everywhere when the child picks it up. I mean, seriously... many a outfit has been ruined because no matter how much I warn my child to "hold it gently... DON'T SQUEEZE IT!" within seconds there will be juice spraying out the straw and onto the car seat, their outfit, in their hair and in some cases, across the room.

Yes, I am aware that there are little boxes that you can put the juice box in so that they cannot squeeze, but my baby discovered how to open door knobs at the ripe age of 17 months, so do you really think a box to put the juice box into will stop her? No.

Someone, ANYONE, please invent a juice box that doesn't squeeze and spray. That is all I ask. I would do it myself, but I have laundry to do before the juice sets in and makes a stain.

I can't think of everything you know.

15 comments:

KayleighJeanne said...

My mother totally freaked out every time anyone handed us juice boxes. We were never allowed to have them in the house growing up. I was giving one to my daughter while my mother was visiting, and she snatched it out of my hand. "Let me do this for you, honey" she said. Apparently I will never be old enough to handle a juice box on my own.

Ashlee said...

LOL!

We went to a fall festival last year. It was unusually warm and my sister in laws kids were dying for something to drink. The kids fair had these bags of water with a straw attached, much like a juice box. The problem was in order to place the straw, you had to squeeze the bag, squirting yourself in the face.

After my sister in law had prepared all five of her childrens waters, she decided to read the directions. In bold print it said, "Place thumb over end of straw BEFORE pushing into bag."
She is a genius....

Sarah (JOT) said...

I wish to Christ the same bloody thing! I loathe those dern things! Even I can't hold them properly without the thing pissing everywhere.

mikr said...

Tupperware makes a plastic container for juice boxes to solve this very problem.

Great blog, by the way.

mike said...

Tupperware makes a plastic container for juice boxes to solve this very problem.

Great blog, by the way.

momto5minnies said...

I was surprised about the microwave and cell phone years ... REALLY? That long ago?

Here is one trick that works a little. Put the flaps up on the sides of the juice box to let the little ones first hold it there. I sometimes try to sneak a little sip to relieve the box just a bit ;)

Ryan (LWM) said...

Love your blog. Thanks for sharing.

elm said...

It kind of needs to have the consistency of an aluminum can or a plastic water bottle, eh? I am not a "greenie" but even I can see that either of those two items could then at least be recycled. Those stupid boxes are paper and plastic and foil, so no reusing those babies! And isn't it horrible when a kid learns that if they BLOW into that straw... oh, the eruption that they can create - for FUN!??!! Juice pouches (a la capri sun) aren't much better - but at least my kids now say, "Hold it at the top" as I am about to give it to them before I have a chance to say it. They are learning!! But, they still make mini volcanic eruptions of flavored water. Dumb man who invented THAT one.

elm said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
warren said...

We have a real problem with spilling drinks of any sort. They ought to put a limiter on the straw such that only mouth pressure will allow drink to flow...and intergrate the straw with the package so it won't leak around the hole. For only $19.99 per box, it can be yours!

Btw, 1972 was good, but 1971 was a tad better

powdergirl said...

Hi June, just lurking by. Love yourb log title, and your play list. This was a really fun post. Thanks for the memories.

CJ said...

Hey June, I found my song A Woman To Love, by Paul Thorn. When you announced the winner way back when you weren't able to find it. Well, if you want to take a listen then check out my Music Monday post.

By the way, you have much more technology knowledge than me...I can't figure out how to put all the music & side bar pics on my blog. BUT, I can work my ipod;)

lolaberly said...

C'mon.. the ShamWOW didn't make your prominent invention list of the past 100 years!? What kind of list is this!? ;)

Christine said...

I cannot take the lid off any pudding cup without it exploding everywhere...go figure!

June's MA said...

1971 was a good year for us too!

Talking about throw away cameras ... Mary Claire's Baptism pics will be in the mail. . . day after tomorrow, I promise! They are already developed, I just have to find where I put them when I had company and had to clean up this place.

Blessings,
June's MA