Discombobulation Is The New Organization...

I like to be organized. It keeps me calm and when I feel unorganized, all hell breaks loose.

Like this morning for instance, I woke up late. That right there sets bad things into motion. I ran into the kitchen to get the kids moving to only be greeted by a chorus of "Mom! I need you to do this for me today because I forgot to tell you about it sooner-like 6 million months ago when I found out"-but it needs to be done today... right now... or 15 minutes ago, whichever makes my head explode first.

So we run out of the house with shoes half on, me writing a check for some pygmies in New Guinea for the eighth grade service project, Emma crying because she wants to wear her pink coat and not her green coat and Mary still in her pj's, and Aaron sticks a piece of gum in his mouth because I am betting he didn't brush his teeth... but I am not about to ask him that question.

Today was also "casual" day as school. That means the kids don't have to wear their uniforms... but the catch is that it costs fifty cents to participate (another donation for those starving pygmies) and I opened my purse while in hot pursuit of the school and discover that I have $.75.

It was at that moment that my head started to spin out of control and I started yelling "I HATE THE MILITARY!"

I don't really hate the military, but it felt good to say it... it really did.

I gave $.50 to Emma because she is in kindergarten and I want her teacher to at least THINK that I have my shit together. I gave Aaron a quarter and told him to deal with it and I told Hope that she could get a "character building check mark" for all I care.

I mean, don't I pay tuition at this school? Why do I have to pay to let my kids wear casual clothes when I had to pay out the nose for the "one of a kind" uniforms that they wear everyday.


Today was also the day for the eighth grade graduation pictures. Now, I don't know about you, but when I was a kid, leaving 8th grade was no big damn deal. Not anymore... there has to be a party with pomp and circumstance, and a DJ that plays Beyonce's "All My Single Ladies"


Hope wanted to wear make up for her picture. HUH? Make up? What is that?

She even told me that ALL of her friends are going to wear make up and how can I, as a woman, honestly sleep at night if I insist upon her being an outcast in life?

I don't know where she gets her sass from.

So she tried to compromise with me. "Mom, I'll make you a deal, I'll only wear foundation, eyeshadow, mascara and lip gloss."

Ahhh... I see what she was doing. Start off big so that when the counter offer comes in she will get her way. I know her kind-I AM her kind.

Eventually we agreed upon foundation to cover her pimple on her chin, mascara and lip gloss.


Next think you know she'll want a tattoo and a belly button ring.


Oh, and Emma told me this morning that her boobies are starting to grow... and she was excited!

Lord help me.



rita said...

My grandaughter's boobies started to grow at age 6, and they. did. not. stop. It took two states and three pediatricians before my daughter could convince one to send her to a pediatric endocrinologist. "It's perfectly normal these days" for girls to start puberty at freaking age 6. THEY said.

Well. The PE was very concerned; he was worried that she, at age 8, was about two weeks from starting her period, and if that happened, there would be no treatment. Precocious Puberty. Without treatment, she'd be about 4'8" tall (in a family in which 5'7" is considered to be short). So he inserted a tiny implant of Suppralin LA, which can be removed after a year and, if insurance will cover it, repeated until age 12.

After about a month, her boobs shrank and her emotional state (that of a 12- or 13-year-old) reverted to normal for an 8-year-old (yeah, I know, not much better). She's growing normally (PP causes rapid growth which then stops at the first period) and will be at least 5'3" tall. Insurance probably won't cover another two years, so my 9-year-old baby will very likely start her period in the next year after the implant is removed.

Not trying to scare you, just passing on some personal-type knowledge here, if your child's boobs really are growing!!!

warren said...

June, I don't have anything important to say other than I surely enjoyed having a laugh at your expense! Thanks a ton...it made my afternoon!

june cleaver said...

Rita, thanks for the advice... but her boobies aren't really growing. it is just wishful thinking for daughter #2 who is only 5.

Plus, I have a feeling I buy her too many Barbies.

Alicia said...

Firstly, I have no idea what "discombobulation" is nor do I want to know.

Secondly, I think it's ridiculous that a private school would charge you to allow your kids to wear casual clothes. Don't they know we're in a recession.

And #B, I thought this post was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh, June!

Agellius said...

June, if you don't like Beyonce at the graduation party you might want to look into a NAPCIS school: http://www.napcis.org/

Catholic Audio said...

I'm so disappointed in you. You NEVER negotiate with terrorists, woman! Has your husband taught you NOTHING?!?

God Bless,

Andrea Z. said...

For the above poster who said they don't know what discombobulation is...you must not have 4 kids. For I too know what that word means. Oh yes, I most certainly do.

Great post June, love your wit.

Oh crap, I just remembered that I need to email you regarding my mascara. One of my kids musta ran off with the sticky note telling me to do so. I'll get on that.

june cleaver said...

Ryan... but you should have seen her torture techniques. She folded her arms and stomped away, and then... and THEN, she cleaned the kitchen without being asked.

I caved. I admit it.

Alis said...

Too funny! Thanks for the laughs.

Kasia said...


What won't these terrorists stoop to?!?!?

Anonymous said...

HAHAHA! Thanks for my six-pack fix for the day.
Happy Friday, everyone!
Aunt Barbara

wankette said...

What is this extortion thing that schools have now? public or private, doesn't seem to matter; and they just can't start 'em too young...my 3-year-old nephew came home from Montessori last November bearing a magazine subscription sign-up sheet. (Okay, okay...I chimed in for InStyle, which I never got anyway; my nephew's parents are the forgetful sort who don't turn that shit in on time; no doubt he'll be held back because of it)
The only prior-to-high school-graduation *I* had was from preschool. I played an Indian princess, for some reason. Red feather in my hair & brown paper fringe dress; I was so adorable, I actually peaked at cuteness at the age of 4.
Where was I?
Oh. Right. Sorry about your day, gorgeous. ; )

blue_eyed_mom said...

well, im left on the edge of my seat dying to know if your other kiddo got a quarter! you have him one but did he find another from a friend..hmmm. good cliffhanger. =)
It is such a rip that they are charging for casual friday. Where is the money going?

June's MA said...

The "money"/donation is going to the Missions, or Food for the Poor. The lesson to be learned from the school and the parents is we need to help the "poor". It is the parents of today (whether school admin or Home and School Assoc.) showing that even though the kids get to "dress down" someone is being helped. If you want to give your comments go to the Home and School meetingts. At our school we have to give the parents credit for volunteer hours to get them to participate in their childrens school life. Just one generation teaching another generation that "everyone gets a prize". Enough said... down I step from my soapbox.

How is that Lent thing going?


June's MA

june cleaver said...

Ma, did you give up wine for lent?

Anonymous said...

My lent thing is going good. No desserts, candy or pop. Thank God I didn't give up popcorn...I never would have made it through the weekend. Missed saying the rosary on Saturday, but made time for one on Sunday...along with mass and lunch at Subway. It's great to be Catholic. Lunch at Subway is not really a weekly oblication! Just something we do...
Aunt Barbara