8:00 a.m. Wake up and decide that today is that day that I will start to lead a healthy life style. Get all excited about how fabulous I will soon look and dream about the size 6 shorts I will buy.
8:15 a.m. Make myself an egg white omelet.
8:17 a.m. Still hungry so I search the fridge... I see some leftover cake. Self control keeps me away from it! Success!
9:30 a.m. See a half eaten pop tart on the counter. Resist the urge to eat the entire thing and only nibble on a corner and toss the rest. Pat myself on the back for being so strong willed.
10:00 a.m. Grab a girl scout cookie and eat it before my mind can tell me to stop. Try to spit it out but I have already swallowed it. Re-evaluate my defense skills.
11:30 a.m. Eat a roasted chicken salad. Wonder if I am thinner than I was this morning since my jeans feel a little lose around the ankles.
12:30 p.m. Go through the Arby's drive-thru to give myself a reward for being so good this morning. Order a small order of mozzarella sticks.
12:35 p.m. Sit outside of my son's Tae Kwon Do school and prepare myself for my reward. I am only human. I cannot live on lettuce and egg whites!
12:36 p.m. Scream out in horror when I discover that my order of mozzarella sticks must have been sitting under the heat lamps for no less than 4 hours as they are hard and gross. Vow to sue Arby's.
2:30 p.m. Notice that the kids have opened yet another box of girl scout cookies. Flip through a Self Magazine in order to ward off the girl scout cookie temptations.
2:32 p.m. Hang my head in disgust after eating an entire row of cookies. Make a mental promise that I will never again buy girl scout cookies-I don't care how cute those little girls are when they ring my doorbell.
3:00 p.m. Discover that I have started my period. Eat the rest of the box of cookies and half a bag of Doritos. Still feel hungry.
3:30 p.m. Decide that I will only eat a salad for dinner to counter attack all of the cookies consumed.
4:00 p.m. See a woman jogging on the street while I am driving and think for a brief moment that I would like to run her over. Make mental note to get to confession this week.
4:30 p.m. Spend the late afternoon outside with the kids in order to stay out of the kitchen. Feel good about being an attentive mom and having self control... remind myself that I never worried about what I ate until I started having children-blame my husband.
5:00 p.m. Run through Wendy's drive-thru for dinner (it is a busy day). Feel proud of the fact that I chose Wendy's because they have salads and yogurt. Order the yogurt only to find that they stopped selling that 2 months ago. Grumble and order a fries instead... and a frosty. How did this backfire???
8:30 p.m. Open the door to my neighbor who is bringing me over a dozen freshly baked walnut/chocolate chip cookies. Set the cookies on the counter and resist the urge to eat them all.
8:32 p.m. Finish off the last of the 12 cookies.
9:00 p.m. Take a shower and suck in my stomach. Put my pj's on and get ready to climb into bed. Try on a pair of new shoes. Bask in the fact that my shoes always fit no matter what I weigh. Decide to start the healthy lifestyle tomorrow. Promise to be more committed. Vow to stop honking at joggers when I drive by.