4.18.2008

Summer Plucking, Havin' A Blast...

The time has come once again for women to torture themselves by plucking, shaving, waxing, and bleaching. Yes friends... bathing suit season is knocking at the door.
I hate bathing suit season because, well... I have to wear a bathing suit. I remember in my youth I never minded wearing a bathing suit. I used to live in my bathing suit when I was a kid because we had a pool in the backyard and since we did not have central air, the pool was the only way to survive Chicago summers.

When I became a teenager I enjoyed bathing suit season because I looked smokin' hot in my suit. My sisters and I were not allowed to wear bikini's because we had very strict parents. Mom and Dad didn't always go to the Dunes with us... that is all I am going to say on that subject.

After I had a couple of kids I still could pull off a cute suit-one that showed off my assets and hid my flaws. After a couple of more kids, I have come to the realization that I need to invest in a moo moo bathing suit. I have more flaws that need to be hidden and a simple bathing suit-I don't care if it is named the "miracle" suit or not-is not going to hide them all.
But I am not talking about flabby flaws today. No, I will not entertain you with stories of jelly rolls or junk in my trunk. Today I am going to give you a gift-that is right... an amazing gift.

Since men rule the world and have made it perfectly clear that they like their women hairless (except for on the head, if all women had long flowing luxurious hair men would finally be able to stop worrying about war and be able to move on to more productive things like World hunger and peace.) I have found the most perfect thing for shaving the area "down under", or "where the sun don't shine" or "VIP only" or what ever it is you like to call it.

Are you ready for this? Say good-bye to waxing! Say so long to plucking! Never again cut yourself with your husband's face razor, and for the love of God-put down the smelly Nair!

I came across these puppies a few weeks ago. I thought they were cute but had my doubt on their durability. I mean, how could something so little take on such a job as that of a summer shave after a winter hibernation?

All I can say is: Try Them! You will thank me later. Your husband will be happy to have his face razor back and you won't have to wear an oh so attractive skirt with your bathing suit just because you have a lower region mustache poking out saying hello!

10 comments:

momto5minnies said...

Well I LIVE at the pool in the summer. I need to hunt those babies down!

Mandy said...

I've loved these things for 3 years, and they are suprisingly easy to use even when you have a gigantic baby bump in the way!...

noxema also makes an after shave gel/cream thing that is super to avoid the little bumps!

Linda~ said...

Thanks. I'll definitely being looking for these at the store.

Linda~

southernjoy said...

winter hibernation? LOLOL!

Devin said...

Thank you!! This has seriously been on my mind lately, and who could I really ask? You know?

I'm gettin' me some of those babies!

Anonymous said...

Just curious, is your mustache more of a handle-bar type? or a little Hitler thing-y? Me, I have a full beard. What an interesting post.

Anonymous said...

Three words for you:

Laser
Hair
Treatment

What? You actually grow hair there? Oh no, not me! It's just naturally hair-free! I don't know how that happens, it just does.

6 treatments later, it just does.

My pits are smooth as the palms of my hands, too.

David L Alexander said...

Mrs Cleaver, there's someone you really should meet:

So a Blonde Walks Into a Blog

She's actually a remarkable gal (they still call them "gals" in the Midwest, right?), and she has quite a following. When she does not wax eloquently on her Faith (and she's pretty sharp, too), the challenges of homeschooling children in the heart of suburbia, and nailing the guy who's been stalking her daughter, she discusses her female problems. Call it a hunch, but I think you two kids would get along just great!

Yeah, that's me, bringin' folks together, spreading joy....

Rays Family said...

Can't seem to find them in Michigan Yet! I'll keep looking!
Thanks.

Anonymous said...

Cris,
I can't seem to find a swim suit that doesn't come with alot of giggle in it! Looks good when I take it out of the package and put it on...then I jump in the pool and there it is...giggle, giggle and more giggle! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Love,
Aunt Barbara