Brad Pitt Is A Ken Doll...

A few weeks ago I received an email from the good people at Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum here in Washington DC. They wanted me to come in and pose for a wax figure. They said that they were going to make my figure a drunken housewife with babies hanging off of her hip and laundry piled up behind her. I was fine with that assessment but I only had one request... that my breasts were not saggy. I figured if I was going to be immortalized in wax, I wanted perky boobies for all eternity.

OK, so maybe that story is only half true. Madame Tussaud's did email, but they do not want to make a wax figure of me... at least not yet. They simply invited me to come to their museum and have a great time and then tell all of you, my vast and numerous readers, about my experience. Oh, and they wanted me to tell you that you should go to their museum-which I think you should. If you find yourself in DC I would highly recommend you adding the wax museum to your list of attractions. If you are in Amsterdam, London, Hong Kong, New York, Vegas, Shanghi, or even Berlin, by all means visit Madame Tussauds. You won't be sorry!

Did you know that they let you wander all through the museum and they let you-no, they WANT you to touch all of the wax figures? You can take pictures, touch, stroke, lick, hump... do just about anything you want to do to Brad Pitt (and I did... oh I did!)

The museum starts with your American History sections.

Abe and I had a great time watching Our American Cousin, but I don't know how it ended... we never got to that part.

Then we got to sing with some of America's music legends. Aaron was hanging out with Bob Dylan-who looked better as a wax figure than in real life. I later found Aaron in the back of the museum rolling a joint and thinking up poems that said things like "the man has got me down" and "don't stop my rolling stone" He was playing a tambourine as well. Crazy mixed up kid.

We then got to meet more American greats like Rosa Parks, Muhammad Ali-who is very tall! Did you know that the wax figures are made to the exact specs of the real person? I was surprised to see that Martin Luther King Jr. was not as tall as I had always pictured him to be in my mind. A lot can be said for a person's character and your interpretation of them. I would have thought a certain past President of ours was much much shorter than his wax figure proved him to be. Interesting...

Eventually we made our way to the Scandal Room. J. Edgar Hoover was interrogating Aaron on his "Down with the man" poem. As you can see Aaron looks pretty frightened and thanks to some quick talking, Aaron made it out of there in one piece.


Ryan on the other hand did not take to the interrogations very easily... there is always one in the bunch! This photo reminds me of my childhood.

We headed to the war room where the kids tried to bomb just about everyone they could think of. I am so proud. Here you see me with Winston Churchill. He goosed me on the tush and told me to call him Winny.

Finally we entered our favorite room. The room that allows you to take a photo with a movie star and then try and pass it off as real. As if someone would ever do that. That would be like placing your baby in George Clooney's arms while you hang off of his body as if you are a happy little family and running away together and then POST it on your blog site for all of the world to see. Who would do that? Not me-sheesh. But I would do this...

After we took this picture I told my friend Eileen that kissing ol' George is a lot like kissing the Blarney Stone in Ireland. Many lips have come before us. My friend Eileen did try and slip him the tongue. We had to go to the hospital after and get her a tetanus shot. I bet that is the last time she tries to make out with a Hollywood star again!

I was able to meet Brad Pitt. I don't know why they had to put that stinking Angelina so frickin' close to him. There was no way of getting a photo without her. Look at little Mary gazing up at Brad. 11 months old and already boy crazy.

I wanted to see if Madame Tussaud's made the wax figures EXACTLY like the real person. I was disappointed to discover that Brad Pitt is hung much like a Ken Doll. Poor Angelina. Can I just ask the questions that you all are thinking? What kind of mother am I that I would grope Brad Pitt while my baby is strapped to my body? I should be ashamed! Believe me, I am ashamed and disappointed... sorely disappointed.

Look at the girls getting their groove on with Beyonce! I am proud to say that my butt is smaller than hers. I have a picture, but since I do not want to embarrass Beyonce I will not post it. I don't want her lawyers contacting me.

Don't Johnny and I make a cute couple? Where is Mary you ask? Hidden behind Johnny. Hey~I may be a mother but I do not have to have my children in every photo I take! I just wanted to send this one to the National Enquirer. The title would probably read: "Johnny Depp Loves Blonds!"

After my disappointing discovery about Brad "Ken Doll" Pitt, I was surprised to see that Will Smith CLEARLY was carved out of a different ball of wax! Eileen and I were trying our hardest to win his attentions... but he couldn't take his eyes off of Tom Cruise who was on the other side of the room. I am not spreading rumors... I am just telling you what I saw.
So if you are in DC and want to have a memorable afternoon, head on over to Madame Tussaud's. Tell them June Cleaver sent you and they will give you a blank stare and charge you full price. It is worth it! Check out their site at www.madametussaudsdc.com