4.03.2008

I Believe This Is Adam's Sin...

They just don't make things the way they used to.

Today I decided to do my darling husband a favor and mow the lawn. I enjoy mowing the lawn as it gets me out of the house and I cannot hear the children screaming for a snack over the loud engine. Mowing the lawn offers me a good 45 minutes of peace. It rates right up there with getting my teeth cleaned. *Big Sigh* Amazing how things that I used to avoid like the plague are now my favorite activities.

My husband bought our mower a few years ago. We paid well over 500 bucks for this thing. Every year he gets a tune up on it. This I never understand. Personally, if something cost so much it should not only work, it should also poop out diamonds. Our mower does neither.

For a good 30 minutes I huffed and puffed over the mower while I tried to start it. I cursed, I kicked it, I called it "stupid" and probably had the neighbors poised at their windows watching in delight. Our amazing, expensive, "just turn the key" mower will not start! Now I get to drive the mower over to the lawn mower repair guy and pay $100 to get it to start. I wish we lived in Arizona where everyone has rocks that accentuate the color of their house instead of this lousy grass that keeps growing.

When I was a kid, my father never had our mower tuned up. He never had the blades sharpened. He never changed the oil or replaced the spark plugs. Heck, I remember the day my Dad was driving down the street and saw a lawn mower in someones trash so he stopped, tossed it in the trunk, and brought it home. It fired right up and we used that mower for the next 10 years. Sure, it was a fire hazard. Sure, it was eating away the ozone above Chicago. Sure, it may take 20-30 pulls of the chord to get it choking and started. Sure, it may have even only had three wheels at one time and I had to balance it just right to get an even cut... but it worked!

We never fertilized. We never aerated. We never thatched. My parent's idea of yard work was to send us kids out with a bucket and tell us to pick all of the dandelions that covered the front lawn.

I bet my father has spent only $27.83 on lawn maintenance his entire life... and that includes the lawn mower that he found in the trash. My husband has spent thousands on lawn maintenance in the past few years alone... and now he has to buy a new lawn mower because I clobbered our $500 one with a hammer just a few moments ago.

Maybe I should see if the gas powered weed whacker will start. The one where you have to push a button, pull a trigger, hold down a lever and squeeze the handle all at the same precise time in order to get it to start. That is my favorite lawn tool. I always feel better after I have yelled and screamed and clobbered a tree with the end of that tool.

Or what about the edger. That is a great tool... especially when I accidentally hit the cement and it sends vibrating pains through my arms. Good times, good times.

My absolute favorite thing about lawn work is that extension chord that you have to drag around the yard. Once I accidentally sliced the extension chord with the weed whacker and did not realize it until I bent down to pull the chord while the whacker was still running and I sent electric shocks through my body. It shot out my big toe like a lightening bolt. I still have the scar to prove it.

Maybe I should go see if the lawn mower has decided to work yet. Maybe I should just call a lawn service. Maybe I should go take a bubble bath.

11 comments:

Wendy-MommyInTheKnow said...

We have been using a junky mower that we found in the garage when we moved in. It has to be at least 15 years old. It takes a few pulls to get it started but it goes pretty well. And as far as the weed wacker...I don't even go there.

the Mom said...

I love mowing the lawn. It's the only job I can do around this place that lasts the entire week. I know that's weird, but then I like running too.

finicky said...

get a lawn service - and take the bath to relaxwhile they are working on your yard.

Rob said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rob said...

Thanks for the shout-out the other day.

I don't have to cut the grass anymore since I have teenagers, but will still do it once in awhile for the piece and quiet.

One Mothers Day I bought Sam a gas-powered leaf blower. didn't go over so well...wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't the only one in the house that could start the sucker.
ok that looks better spelling-wise...maybe

momto5minnies said...

My husband does the lawn mowing, but I take care of the garden. In the next 2 weeks we will have to start our weekly job of maintenance. In our neighborhood EVERYONE has a service, but my husband wants none of that. When we did pay someone else to do it, he believed that the lawn mower they used gave us "weeds". My husband has an obsesssion with weeds. He can pick and pick for hours ... drives me batty.

Machines are certainly not made the same way as they used to.

Anonymous said...

I definitely vote for the bubble bath.

Heather said...

I think you deserve lots of credit for mowing the lawn.I have a (quite rational, I think) fear of getting nailed by flying rocks and bark and so I refuse to mow. You should never underestimate the potential of flying bark.

Anonymous said...

Adam's sin??? ole Adam was the first model in a perfect world. He had responsibilities, dominion of the animals, caretaker of the garden, protector of the preserve. He sacrificed a rib for a companion and helpmate. What did he learn ??? His helpmate was not satisfied with perfection(there must be more)...sarcasim was not a form of humor...and compromise was not "yes, dear"...no death, no pain, no muffin tops. Their search for perfection plus resulted in them slipping on the giant phalic bananna peel of death. This is often referred to as the "eve of destruction". I'm also thinking that she was capeable of throwing rocks at the goat if he didn't start without some attention.

lvschant said...

Love your blog... love this entry... I, too, found myself mowing the lawn today... and I don't have a $500 mower that has a key starter... ours is a 15 year old mower that just seems to keep on running... I did splurge last summer and had it overhauled (got a new pull-cord and everything).

This morning, though, I had to yank on that cord about 40 times before the dumb thing would start... we are also in the process of getting ready to move again... military life is great, huh?

J. (vox feminae)

Chatty said...

First and foremost, cease thy coveting of an Arizona yard with attractive rocks that coordinate with one's house facade. These rocks are nominally attractive to begin with - until the weeds start growing. Then, you have a situation where you can't mow, but have greenery sticking up all over the place - most of said greenery being dandelions - which as we all know, kids enjoy picking ONLY if they are gray and fluffy, at which time they blow all the pretty gray pieces around the yard so that they can become - MORE DANDELIONS. I live in Arizona, and refused to buy into the whole "rocks are pretty and easy to maintain" myth. So, grudgingly, The Wiz bought an electric lawn-mower because...well, I'm not quite sure why, but let's just say we've gone through 3 cords and a near-electrocution in less than a year...
My father had ONE lawn mower for 8 years. It stank, it was wobbly, it took 3 men and a boy to start it up - but, like your father's - it WORKED. Why do "modern" men not get this? As I write, I know for a fact that we have a weed-whacker that itches to slap me around the calves if I even THINK about firing it up, and which plots in secrecy with the electric lawn-mower to find and jet-propel into my face every pebble that finds its way onto our lawn from NEXT DOOR - where you will find that lovely rock yard...GREEN rocks, I'll have you know - the better to hide in our GREEN lawn.
I have to stop and have a bubble bath now...