4.22.2008

Gentlemen... Start Your Brains

I know that most of my readers are of the female persuasion... but there are a few fellas out there that read me so this post if for you.

I am going to help you-you need to send me flowers to thank me.

May 11 is Mother's Day. There... I helped you.

I tell you this because I just read it on my calendar and I groaned a little inside. I groaned because I am doing it to myself again. I am thinking up all kinds of happy romantic ideas that my husband will do for me for Mother's Day and then Mother's Day will come and go and none of it will happen. I will be left making dinner for everyone, cleaning the house, and ultimately getting in a fight with my husband about the fact that he didn't do anything (or anything that I consider worthy enough) and I will go to bed mad and drunk.

This is what I think a husband should do for their wife on Mother's Day: He should worship her. He should get the kids up early and help them make her breakfast in bed. He should have taken the kids to the store THE WEEK PRIOR and helped the kids pick our little presents for her-some suggestions are her favorite perfume, her favorite candy bar, her favorite flavor of Doritos, her favorite lotion, a frame with a picture of the kids, a good book, a home decorating magazine... that kind of stuff. He should then take his wife and children to Church and pray for his wife the entire time he is there. After Church he should take his wife and children on a picnic lunch to a park and not one that used to be a battleground. After an afternoon of sunning themselves on a blanket and letting the kids play, the husband should take the wife home and insist she take a nap. He should make sure she wakes to the smell of her favorite dinner cooking and she should come down to a set dinner table and a freshly vacuumed house. When dinner is over, he should hand his wife a beer (or glass of wine) and tell her to go read in the living room while he and the kids do the dishes. After dishes the husband should suggest a nice walk with his wife (no kids allowed) and upon return to the house, the husband should bathe and put all children to bed while his wife watches what she wants on the television. When the kids are in bed and the bathroom is cleaned up from evening baths, the husband should then bring a bowl of ice cream to his wife and rub her feet telling her how much he loves her and how much he appreciates ever thing she does for him and their children. He should then just gaze into her eyes-never once looking down at her breasts.

If you do this men, I can guarantee you that you will love the close of Mother's Day. Remember... be good to Mama and she will be good to you.

Start preparing now, because she will know the difference between a well thought out plan and one that you throw together at the last moment.

Good Luck!

26 comments:

Delilah said...

Will this ever really happen?

Anonymous said...

How true! A little planning goes a long way with your lady. :)

Cheers Cuz,

Keith

The Farmer's Wife said...

LOL! Love it! It will never ever in a million years happen here but a woman can dream! Crossing my fingers for you that you have a pampered, relaxing Mother's Day!

annemcd said...

Amen, sister. Now, if I can just get my husband to read this without my having to TELL him to . . .

Gretchen said...

I'm sending this one to my hubby! ;)

Ozguru said...

And your plans for Fathers Day include?

Cassie said...

I just have to add that for me the "closing" should not even have to happen on that same day. Just once do all of that without expectation of the "pay back." I'll pay you back another time!

Rob said...

um...my wife isn't my mother, so why would i do any of this? :) kidding...sorta

Jud said...

Hmmm...has my wife been sending you blog ideas.

I chalk this one up to a vast wife-conspiracy!

Okay, I guess it's time to start planning.

Anonymous said...

I will be the first to admit that after 20 yrs of marriage when it comes to important dates, he is a little slow and will just hand me the check book....

Lindsay said...

Amen, sister! Sending the link of this entry to my husband right now! ;)

momto5minnies said...

Sounds like a lovely DREAM!

Cute comic.

Wendy said...

how nice but so not happening.

I would settle for the dog crap though. how how my life has changed. *sigh*

the Mom said...

Ummmm, June?

This happens every day at my house...How else did you think a nerdy Cuomputer Guy could get a smokin hot girl like me?

freddy said...

I'm so with Rob on this one, seriously. I am not my husband's mother. I have a perfectly good birthday for all that if he wants to. Besides, we're usually too busy thinking about our own mothers!

However, now that some of my kids have reached their teen years, they'd better take note...!

the Mom said...

June, I tagged you over at my place...or something.

peaceandquiet said...

I would settle for a QUIET breakfast in bed!! That would be heaven. No fighting children or emergent need for the first aid kit...

Who am I kidding?

This was awesome! I'm sending it to my husband.

finicky said...

May 11th? That's like... a month away. I've got plenty of time.

namllord said...

Hey!
My wife reads this blog.

Thanks for the "help"!

Anonymous said...

Hear, hear! After 21 years of marriage to the World's Most Perfect Man, I'm still waiting.

Just sign me,
She Who Got Him a Chain Saw for Valentine's Day

Heather said...

This year I get to share my Mother's Day & our Wedding Anniversary on the same day! Does that mean double the presents and double the love? Nope, it'll probably mean double the nothing!
One year we bought a car, ok so it was a cute little convertible, right before Mother's Day and our Anniversary and my hubby tried to pass it off as "my present." He went as far as to tell everyone that he bought it for me as a dual gift for both occassions. Ya know, cuz that's just the kind of guy he is. His Mother actually bought into that load of crap and told me how nice that was of him! Funny, I seemed to have been making payments on that gift as well and it was bought out of the necessity of having a car to cut down on gas costs. Yep, he's a saint alright!

Chatty said...

You are SO right, June! Now, just how WRONG are the husbands out there going to get it? You've TRIED to help them - and in a timely manner. You give SPECIFIC pointers. What are the odds? I do hope that those men fortunate enough to know of your site (including Mr. Historic Battlefield makes-for-a-great-picnic
AND history lesson - take heed. Otherwise, they may have a cranky and tired wife at the end of the day. And all the girls out there know what THAT means ; )

Cousin Steve said...

It's like you read my mind!! That's "almost" exactly what I am getting Christina.

"D" AKA CI-Roller Dude said...

I tell my kids:"Hey, Mother's Day is for you guys to do something, not me."
I don't have a mom, so I get off easy.

Phil said...

Wow. Since I already do the grocery shopping, the vacuuming, planning and preparing the meals, along with cleaning up the kitchen, doing the dishes and putting them away, can I just take her out to eat so that I can have a day off also?

Namaste.

kcinnova said...

June, you rock! And this does so NOT happen at my house. You see, I have four sons, with a dad who says "You aren't MY mother." (He's beginning to see the error of his ways.)
So this year? I am running away and taking a girls weekend. I will be refreshed and happy, and maybe they will even vacuum or do the dishes in my absence!

(popped over via Chatty)